User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 7 of 7

Thread: A Beautiful Nightmare.

  1. #1
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6

    A Beautiful Nightmare.

    Just some little abstract piece I wrote a while back…

    Beautiful nightmare
    By Grim

    tossing...turning in my bed
    thoughts are yearning...burning in my head
    my eyes see shadows, shapes of silhouettes
    darkness congregates, shapes by pirouettes
    spinning and reversing, exposing the simple fact
    that I am in this dream...and there is no turning back
    pitch black....
    is the setting...no ground is even visible
    shadows playing off the trees, seems to be so dismal
    so as I scan the horizon and search for any being
    I see a sight, a glint of white, cant believe what I’m seeing
    a beautiful maiden, laden with the shrouds of such a dress
    as the clouds do oppress...
    I speak...but I just get a failed address
    she glides along the air...feet are hidden by the cotton
    this simple shred of beauty made my fearful thoughts forgotten
    she sees me now...freezes and then....screams
    her mouth seems to open so far it tears at the seams
    her beautiful white face leaves....my sights darkened
    her form swirls and forms two girls...I look and hearken
    to my utter surprise....they seem to. mold with the tree
    forming something as a mutant...coming closer to me
    I lose my wits. fear overcomes my simple brain
    how can this beauty attack me and leave me slain
    as I witness this movement of a hundred foot tall plant
    I was once an equal but now I’m looked at as an ant
    as the tree ventures closer...I retreat very slow
    I crouch to the ground and I get very low
    as the creature corners me...and I think I’m dead
    I wake up under the apple tree...not a single blood shed

  2. #2
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    Links on the way..............

  3. #3

  4. #4
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    lets get some feed..........

  5. #5
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    come on people......upp1

  6. #6
    Mikey B
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Cali
    Age
    34
    Posts
    1,997
    Battle Record
    18-6
    Up..........1

  7. #7
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Posts
    10,394
    Battle Record
    18-1
    Awards OM HOF PS Champion/IE Champion PS HOF PS Season champ Legendary PC PC HOF
    Okay, this was a very good piece in my view, the contrast between 'beautiful and night mare' was the thing that drew me to even look at it, and i think you approached this topic very well with well placed metaphors and a very consistant, easy to read, flow... i wasn't so sure about the structure but after reading through a few times i think it suited this piece very well, the wording was very good and well placed, the first few lines really grabbed my attention and made me read further and further, sosme of your description was excellent like the pirroette part that was described beautifully, the internals in this piece were well writen and at times extremely poetic, in all honesty i'm not sure if you ment to put a poetic theme to it, but it definately came out like that, and that's the type of topical i love reading, as poetry is my main interest, i really enjoyed this piece, well done mate...

    Feed on my OM...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288881
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

Similar Threads

  1. A Beautiful Nightmare
    By Vitalsyn in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: January 27th, 2010, 06:00 PM
  2. Nightmare...
    By Night Mare in forum Member Pictures
    Replies: 64
    Last Post: November 29th, 2006, 09:18 PM
  3. Nightmare V.s 00
    By Night Mare in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: December 25th, 2005, 11:51 AM
  4. NightMare
    By TheUnderRated in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: July 1st, 2004, 12:34 PM
  5. Nightmare
    By Neruda II in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: June 17th, 2004, 06:13 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •