Deals with the Devil

[NiNjah Red]

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If you’re reading this verse, I was surely alive not long ago
can’t speak for tomorrow though, my life’s in a stranglehold


I’m like OH SHIT……


Keep attempting to set my mother-fucking mind free
But, everyplace dark I walk the hater Satan finds me
I’d keep a diary, but it’d be too stark for the eyes
And, it might remind me of some bullshit surprise


According to modern tradition he subsists in an abyss
Plus is often dismissed as a Greek and Egyptian myth
Sordid satire of the Roman Empire, an anti Messiah
…walking through fire, Jeremiah prophesized via
…dreams… it seems we all admire cream & luxury
It’s the devil in material, at-least it seems apparently
Beware the 666 mark could now be hiding in your skin
Hell awaits with brimstone if you’re deciding entering
Dictators & Klan’s united in sick hatred shake hands
Maybe satanic seeds survive in man
that navigate plans
… to leave tribes of Israel as devastated wastelands
Attitudes decay as the multitudes praise idols of choice
Pagans maim victims, claiming to hear the devils voice
Red rivers flood the gutter, bloodthirsty grow greedier
Numbed by ether, demonic politics control the media
Corrupted agents raise a façade to brainwash the mass
Polluted religion sets a trap; even the Pope has a pact
Burning candles,
using ritual symbols resembling hex
Yearning victuals, beastlike cannibals consuming heads
Fallen angels produce-offspring fused in human flesh
Jezebel bitch’s lure evil, the devilish host swore witness
Clientele swells as the blind trade their souls for riches
So Lucifer lunges my heart; I evade his vicelike grapple
The same snake in Eden baffled Eve with a ripe apple
I fight this hassle and enticement on a daily basis
And, the devil as usual opens up shop as many faces
Disguises so devious… that you’d probably never tell
Knocking on doors, he offers…: “will you buy, or sell?
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[NiNjah Red]

linkages

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=288070
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=286772

[Atti]

This was actually pretty dope man. Lol, you've got to change your name or something... You just come off as such an herb with that title haha. But ya, this piece was very well written. The flow between content and rhyme transitioned seamlessly and was executed just about perfectly. I didn't like the swearing in the begining though. For some reason it just sounded false and overly aggressive for the rest of the content. Uuuuum, seen the concept done before but I liked your approach, so you definately defined this as yours right here. So, decent originality, could have gotten alittle more creative but regardless, what you came out with is fine. The emotion in the piece was fairly good... Wasnt really there at the top, but it definately picked up as the read went on. Uuuuuuuuh, ya... Only suggestion, chopping your work into verses? Maybe... Maybe alittle more imagery aswell. That's about it though, overall a pretty solid piece man.

I'd apreciate it if you could leave feedback on my new Om:
"When the Elephant Walks..."
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=287748

[NiNjah Red]

yeah bro safe for the lookput.. i have got other names.. 1 being Vortex

yeah those starting lines was just to sort of get the emotion and flow going best i could.. yeah i wanted to add some more imagery .. but it just wouldnt come to me. maybe coz i aint got no more weed to smoke


i believe i've commented on your Elephant OM already



pz

[Atti]

Ya I think you did... I didn't realize you were Vortex.

[Plain-Thug]

This was a pretty nice peice.....i was feelin the topic, the begginning was alright but the big verse was really good.....excellent vocab and complexity shown....imagery was nice and the flow to this was smooth throughout.....structure was good and even....and overall this was a good read i liked it.....keep it up..peace~

[mcakbar]

I don't know about this. I'm not really sure what you are trying to do with it. The techniques and complexity are good though throughout it. The rhyming was on, the vocabulary too.

All I could think about for some weird reason was (only thing I can think to compare it to but hope you get the analogy without offence lol) how Michael Jackson did his thriller video, this was sort of in the same vein.

Lines I liked the most:
"Keep attempting to set my mother-fucking mind free
But, everyplace dark I walk the hater Satan finds me
I’d keep a diary, but it’d be too stark for the eyes
And, it might remind me of some bullshit surprise"

It set the mood for the rest of the OM quite well on its own.

Different overall from what I've read from you before not as good I think, not bad.

One other thing, the word demonic.... I seem to see that word all over this OM section. It's just getting overused.

Topics are drying up on this site badly, it's getting harder and harder to be original.

[NiNjah Red]

thanx 4 checkin it out and giving ur views yeah
i will catch up with your OM's real soon...

pz

[M-A-D]

i found the way it flowsto be concuring with the deminds and agles all kinda kool in courprating that into you style probly took some time to think of like you had to sit down and think about it though also thats what i dont like cas you think about what you want to say but then when you rap it or free style it youll bve all like oh shit whtat was it so just like it was good

[NiNjah Red]

yeah!

[NiNjah Red]

uppety ups

[BKPANTHA POET]

i like the wordplay and vocab in dis piece.........It flowed well together but you could of came harder and more in depth in the end........mad props tho i like the verse and i liked the concept.....you really cant take offense because the majority of the stuff you said was fact....Keep it up yo!

[DonOwnsYou]

Nice , i felt your flow...but you may need some help in da membrane.

[NiNjah Red]

yeah

lol

[NiNjah Red]

last raise