A Whores Life ..By KaRoSiVe

[KaRoSiVe]

....A Whores Life....
By KaRoSiVe

Sittin’ Depressed On A Corner, Molested N Mangled N Chronically Crumbling
Disregarded N Detached, Looks Scorn Her, My Hold On Life Is Fumbling
Vicious Vixens ‘Compete Like Leaders To Packs’, The Environment Still Untamed
Decimating Respect Rapidly With Her ‘Life Sacked’, But Yet A Job Still Remained
‘Uncorking Men Like Champaign Bottles’, Lingering N Locking Cash Amounts
‘This Hooker’s Oral Packs A Punch’ ‘Her Necks Throttled, The Saddle She Demounts’
Addiction Inhibits The Reality Present, A Secondary Solution To Facin’ Mirrors
Encouraging A Business The Public Resents, But ‘Supporting Us Like Pillars’
Piercing Screams Unaided, Just A Simple Occurrence Of An Ordinary Night
Responsibility To Shoulders Weighted, Diseases Feared ‘Like Horror From A Fright’
A Segregated Life With Escape A Mystery, Futile To Those Who Are Attempting
Marked A Convict Facin’ Their Past History, ‘With A Life Of Crime They Lay Resenting’


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290435
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=290398

[noncentz]

your lines linked to resemble run ons but the emmotion was there and i felt the opening lines that was hot once i caught the rhythm.
kind of Krs style how you use a topic and tarin the mind to a realisation i liked that stay up

[KaRoSiVe]

Yuh I Fixed The Layout..Thanks For The Feedback

[KaRoSiVe]

Anymore..??

[Simple Minded]

first thing i noticed is that you have every single word capitalized, which isnt very easy on the eyes. second thing is that the lines are super long, and not much flow is found therefore. the flow is managable enough to detect, though harder to pick out than it could be. Vocab was great, and the metas and similies were pretty dope. Overall the content was pretty dope, you just gotta do something about that structure to make it easier to read. I suggest you do this by shortening lines a bit first and foremost, editing out the unneccisary words if possible. if you can get the font a normal size and have it fit on one line you're doing great. The other thing that would help would be only capitalizing the first word of every line. pretty good read, just polish it up a bit on the structure and you're shit will be dope.

[KaRoSiVe]

I Start Everything With A Capital..Its My Own Thing I Do
Plus This Was For Another Site
Where It Fits Easily..Flow Isnt A Massive Thing To Me In Topicals
Just A Simple Well Rounded Rhyme Sceme
Thanks For The Feed Though

[QaaHolic]

good flow

[QaaHolic]

but thats a crazy title

[B.I.Detained.]

Rules & Lessons in Feedback<< LINK.


I HAVE TO HARSH ON YOU ALL NOW.
READ THE RULES.
CLOSED.

Reason: Too short.

-Brix.