Drown In Ink

[Fiasco]

finding solace in solitude
I scrub my face in the solution of steam
inhale deep and feel the heat beat my lungs
as i choke the smoke is searing my dreams
near in my mind am i to inner peace
though in my heart, love withers and weeps

Simmers with deep fried friends
it seems i can almost see my end
as my inner eye examines my life choices
i write voices, speak mute truths from the pen
ribs ruptured from the loss of a love
heart erupting with the ferocity of an ape
blood breaking through veins, claiming the reigns
flushing through my chest spurting pain
as i stand staring under the torrent
of this crimson burning rain

In this learners game, i stand notepadless
detatched from the pain and an ancient adage
tainted and tattered, wishing to be painless
i'm battered, savor my lacerations
embrace my fasting mind
lost my latch on reality
standing grasping the hollow handle of fantasy
Stand with me, under this muddled rain
blood and pain, forming puddles on my brain

I awake to the same frozen fears
cold sweat and salty tears seeping my sheets
i'm reaping my karma harvest
can't act hard to harm it
i have to face the facts
retrace the past, strap up, act right
set it straight and make it last
forsaken, my statements have passed
I've become a silenced riot
rage building in my tongueless mouth
jaw bone cracking under pressure
world laughing at each measure

So i swallow the pain
Choke on the virulence of truth
i can't bear the stimulants it spews
reality is no escape, sleep only swiftens my pain
so i close my eyes to the world
pen in hand waiting to christen a page
my simplest rage!
Witness my bewilderment gauge
as with my last drop of effort
i draw my eyes to my pad
and all i have written are stains
Drink deep my disdain...

-Fiasco

[Cody Nash]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=329830
first off ..




and now ..


wow, strange read, i liked it. personally i think you could've done without some parts and shortened it but whatever. it's your deal, not ours. you had some nice lines there, decent metaphors throughout. i liked the concept a lot, it's like everything he writes is something that hurts him and he cries drowning in his own ink metaphorically speaking. dunno, that's what i got from it. really enjoyed the read though, was hoping it wouldn't be some long piece that just dragged on and it didn't. THANKS A MILLION!

[Prince Escobar]

finding solace in solitude
I scrub my face in the solution of steam
inhale deep and feel the heat beat my lungs
as i choke the smoke is searing my dreams
near in my mind am i to inner peace
though in my heart, love withers and weeps

This was a good opening stanza homie, i enjoyed your choice of words almost throughout however i think that 'steam' felt a bit out of place because a solution would seem to indicate a liquid to me, but i think you opened it well.

Simmers with deep fried friends
it seems i can almost see my end
as my inner eye examines my life choices
i write voices, speak mute truths from the pen
ribs ruptured from the loss of a love
heart erupting with the ferocity of an ape
blood breaking through veins, claiming the reigns
flushing through my chest spurting pain
as i stand staring under the torrent
of this crimson burning rain

Okay, in this stanza i see you start delving into more detail, i like how you show that you're examining your life and that you're heartbroken. Good images are present in this one i particularly liked "heart erupting with the ferocity of an ape, blood breaking through veins claiming the reigns" In that part what i took from it is that your love sickness is controlling you as you endure the pain.

In this learners game, i stand notepadless
detatched from the pain and an ancient adage
tainted and tattered, wishing to be painless
i'm battered, savor my lacerations
embrace my fasting mind
lost my latch on reality
standing grasping the hollow handle of fantasy
Stand with me, under this muddled rain
blood and pain, forming puddles on my brain

Another really strong stanza, you carried on the momentum from the previous one well and again some strong images are present and the pace is great. It's almost too wordy but i liked it none the less.

I awake to the same frozen fears
cold sweat and salty tears seeping my sheets
i'm reaping my karma harvest
can't act hard to harm it
i have to face the facts
retrace the past, strap up, act right
set it straight and make it last
forsaken, my statements have passed
I've become a silenced riot
rage building in my tongueless mouth
jaw bone cracking under pressure
world laughing at each measure

In this stanza i noticed a transition, you talked about heat before but now it's almost as if that pain was in your dreams and you're awaking to 'a cold reality' if you will evidenced by the cold sweat and frozen fears, something that shows it won't leave you for a while. This also shows more of the author you're representing in the piece, how his emotions are catching up to him in his mind and increasing writer's block, at least that's what i took from it.

So i swallow the pain
Choke on the virulence of truth
i can't bear the stimulants it spews
reality is no escape, sleep only swiftens my pain
so i close my eyes to the world
pen in hand waiting to christen a page
my simplest rage!
Witness my bewilderment gauge
as with my last drop of effort
i draw my eyes to my pad
and all i have written are stains
Drink deep my disdain...

-Fiasco

Great ending, i followed the thread of your narration throughout. I think i got it when you said 'reality is no escape, sleep only swiftens my pain' thus taking it back to the opening stanzas where you said it seemed like a dream. This line was beautiful to me 'pen in my hand waiting to christen a page, my simplest rage!' again it shows the frustration of writer's block i believe. You finish it with the author opening his eyes and looking at the page and realizing that he hasn't written anything legible at all, and then you say 'drink deep my disdain' which is where i assume you drew the title from and it also shows the frustration (again which i assumed was writer's block due to your inner turmoil)

Great job man, suprised no one has peeped or picked up on this yet, i'd say it's deserving of a nomination, keep writing homie i see good things in you, 1luv.

[Fiasco]

Damn man, i really appreciate the in-depth breakdown you're working overtime around here huh Esco? lol anyway bumpin this

-Fiasco

[Fiasco]

Geez could i get a bit more feed?

[Mantra]

lol isn't this an old ie piece? i remember giving this as a topic...

[Fiasco]

^Haha thanks for the inspiration man, but yeah izzup.