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Thread: .. atti? and Esco 3000: Surreality Tv

  1. #1
    Conquering Lion Prince Escobar's Avatar
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    .. atti? and Esco 3000: Surreality Tv

    .. atti?
    Esco 3000

    Surreality Tv.

    After 9 pm,
    even the sun becomes
    a guiltless courtesan straddling
    the phallic skyline.it's sultry ride
    downward pulled by earth's
    insatiable strain till vast
    window shades of light collapses.
    disappearing like an extinguished torch.


    playing director-
    I'll call action when the zebra
    leaps from his skin
    to the street
    -and the script reads
    [walk]
    16 mm screen shots
    climax over se7en sin
    -amatic bullet holes.
    shooting for fetish,
    we've soured the voyeur;
    9 mm's left
    to get the perfect
    shot.

    its an ongoing rendezvous.
    this sublime dip of lust
    from the anthropologic well of night.
    risky business actually,
    as contact initiates from
    'how much honey?' then
    the fiery appetite rekindles itself
    all over again.


    I make a square
    with two losers (L)
    to view the world in live rumor;
    this looking glass
    has a dirty lens
    and cracked carrying case.
    tracing deer tracks down
    Asylum Ave-
    buying kisses
    from crack acrobatics
    -twirling along highway
    balance beams;
    the scene
    -ery scribbled across city blocks
    with white chalk
    and fallen
    lobby clocks.

    it's this devious desire that
    unmasks itself between the legs of dark alleyways
    where new hunger always succumbs to an old emptiness.


    a search for static
    characters-
    through the alleyways
    in Mark Twain's
    head;
    I skip rope with telephone
    brains-
    sipping subtle conversations
    in a third-person
    nonexistence;
    there are no more hero's,
    but I found my wonder woman
    -in the gutter
    with a golden lasso
    wrapped around her forearm:
    a perfect heroin
    to save the day.

    'bring it on then' he thinks-
    the flagrant disregard downcast
    ritual.some rudimentary confirmation
    that sleep is an unnecessary
    indulgence bring it on,
    the polished strut, the lewd
    motion, and femme fatale vixens clutching
    the smallest blossom of love they'll
    ever know.

    look at it this way.
    round here, lust renders a man
    no less unstable than the silence
    that defines his agenda. some
    women cater to such immediate
    insatiable needs. empathy for a fee' if you please,
    the price one pays for passing on casting judgment when
    believing the nocturnal flash of a smooth
    female thigh is where a man's hand
    was born to belong.


    roll that tape back!
    [caution caution caution]
    standing below the balcony
    -to catch tear drops
    on the lens
    from broken heads;
    lynched in his own
    caution tape
    -the last super hero
    is forever
    in the rear view
    of replay.
    they sell nooses
    like bubble gum to toothless
    children
    -because depression
    gets front page news,
    along side
    suicide

    legends.

    austere avenue, an aptly titled stride
    of prideland where liquor tongue odes
    sing a man's loneliness under a nameless harlot.
    Tuning his lies and alibi to casually come undone
    when the Mrs. inquires of his latenight rendezvous


    now powder your
    nose
    before I capture your overdose
    again;
    close your eyes
    and hold your throat:
    dramatic effect
    -it's almost the end.
    finish snorting that outline
    that dances circles
    around your best friend,
    and drown in the midnight
    of starry eyed
    sluts.

    hours later, morning sets in.
    a sun ray's spirit writing simmers
    ghostly upon the abandoned corner
    autographing austere avenue in
    triangular angles of sapphire and gold.


    I caught conneticut
    live-
    such hideous angles,
    to accent
    those cardboard cutouts
    that covered the tenements
    -with bloody sleeves
    and candy coated fruit
    that bloomed
    from plastic trees;
    a silicon dream sequence
    splintered by
    lithium lines
    in organized paragraphs
    -recited by so called artists
    who chose to narrate their last
    biographies live

    on
    -Surreality TV.

    trouble is ripe in these prismatic signatures'
    far too abtract for the eye to decipher.
    Last edited by Prince Escobar; March 16th, 2007 at 07:00 PM
    Laying face down in the mainstream.
    Po.Ethics.

  2. #2
    you never ready Fiasco's Avatar
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    New Jersey
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    Re: .. atti? and Esco 3000: Surreality Tv

    Wow, well first this was a lot to absorb, i started to just leave a regular response but in the spirit of the poetic debate thread i'll do my best to break this down sufficiently.

    After 9 pm,
    even the sun becomes
    a guiltless courtesan straddling
    the phallic skyline.it's sultry ride
    downward pulled by earth's
    insatiable strain till vast
    window shades of light collapses.
    disappearing like an extinguished torch.
    This was a beautifully descriptive opening, great vocab it may go over a few heads but i thought it was great.

    playing director-
    I'll call action when the zebra
    leaps from his skin
    to the street
    -and the script reads
    [walk]
    16 mm screen shots
    climax over se7en sin
    -amatic bullet holes.
    shooting for fetish,
    we've soured the voyeur;
    9 mm's left
    to get the perfect
    shot.
    I felt like this stanza was more of an opening into the broad canvas you guys painted on so i'll reserve critical analysis, but it was a good 'intro' if you will.

    its an ongoing rendezvous.
    this sublime dip of lust
    from the anthropologic well of night.
    risky business actually,
    as contact initiates from
    'how much honey?' then
    the fiery appetite rekindles itself
    all over again.
    The poetic voice is good in this, it continues on with some of the more advanced vocab executed in the opening stanza so i'm going to go out on a limb and guess that Esco wrote that as well. Still unwinding the story so again i'll reserve critical analysis of the plot/concept as it has yet to fully reveal itself.


    I make a square
    with two losers (L)
    to view the world in live rumor;
    this looking glass
    has a dirty lens
    and cracked carrying case.
    tracing deer tracks down
    Asylum Ave-
    buying kisses
    from crack acrobatics
    -twirling along highway
    balance beams;
    the scene
    -ery scribbled across city blocks
    with white chalk
    and fallen
    lobby clocks.
    Haha i liked the opening line, i got the image immediately of a director squaring his fingers imagining a scene before him. I notice you threw a street name in there, not sure if it's a real street or if Asylum was chosen for poetic purpose, my guess is the latter though, because you go onto explain some things seen on this street and the structure is great too because it affects the poem's pace and particularly how you made it so the word scenery was left hanging, it further added to the imagery, nice little nuance.

    it's this devious desire that
    unmasks itself between the legs of dark alleyways
    where new hunger always succumbs to an old emptiness.
    Great imagery, i like how you seem to have the narrative parts it's really a credit to the piece overall. This bit of the poem is very real, it connected with me as a reader which is a credit also to your poetic voice, nice job.

    a search for static
    characters-
    through the alleyways
    in Mark Twain's
    head;
    I skip rope with telephone
    brains-
    sipping subtle conversations
    in a third-person
    nonexistence;
    there are no more hero's,
    but I found my wonder woman
    -in the gutter
    with a golden lasso
    wrapped around her forearm:
    a perfect heroin
    to save the day.
    In this stanza you carried on well atticus from the narration Esco put into place and really built on his part. I like how you opened, the word static also added to the television feel you guys created. The theme of heroes dying was good but your part about wonder woman was great, the golden lasso around her arm symbolized that she was a user i'm guessing, which is why you said 'a perfect heroin' that was brilliant man. This stanza was a bit slower in progressing then your others but it concluded as strongly as any as well.

    'bring it on then' he thinks-
    the flagrant disregard downcast
    ritual.some rudimentary confirmation
    that sleep is an unnecessary
    indulgence bring it on,
    the polished strut, the lewd
    motion, and femme fatale vixens clutching
    the smallest blossom of love they'll
    ever know.

    look at it this way.
    round here, lust renders a man
    no less unstable than the silence
    that defines his agenda. some
    women cater to such immediate
    insatiable needs. empathy for a fee' if you please,
    the price one pays for passing on casting judgment when
    believing the nocturnal flash of a smooth
    female thigh is where a man's hand
    was born to belong.
    'bring it on,the polished strut, the lewd motion, and femme fatale vixens clutching the smallest blossom of love they'll ever know.' wow man that piece was incredible, i looked back and i noticed how you connected the 'bring it on' part stringing parallels between your stanzas, that was good. Again your choice of words was great, and you really were able to infuse these two stanzas with imagery, well written.

    roll that tape back!
    [caution caution caution]
    standing below the balcony
    -to catch tear drops
    on the lens
    from broken heads;
    lynched in his own
    caution tape
    -the last super hero
    is forever
    in the rear view
    of replay.
    they sell nooses
    like bubble gum to toothless
    children
    -because depression
    gets front page news,
    along side
    suicide

    legends.
    Again the hero theme is used, i think to show that no one is immortal. You show how the last super hero or character of this surreality television program hangs himself and the director takes pleasure in capturing this scene because as you said you can make a legend of a superhero who has fallen from grace, great job here.

    austere avenue, an aptly titled stride
    of prideland where liquor tongue odes
    sing a man's loneliness under a nameless harlot.
    Tuning his lies and alibi to casually come undone
    when the Mrs. inquires of his latenight rendezvous
    Now this is why i mentioned atticus mentioning the street name because now you do it Esco, not sure if you two were attempting to draw the picture of two different streets or not, perhaps a miscommunication? Again your choice of words is superb, the imagery is great in this line 'an aptly titled stride of prideland where liquor tongue odes sing a man's loneliness under a nameless harlot' phenomenal imagery here man. You also do a good job of further narrating this guy's (or any random guy i'm guessing) plight.

    now powder your
    nose
    before I capture your overdose
    again;
    close your eyes
    and hold your throat:
    dramatic effect
    -it's almost the end.
    finish snorting that outline
    that dances circles
    around your best friend,
    and drown in the midnight
    of starry eyed
    sluts.
    Again this stanza shows how well you guys work together, you did an excellent job of building off of Esco's last stanza atti, i liked the satirical nature of your opening lines. The director is almost egging this poor woman on to die for the sake of his broadcast, again building onto the theme of 'surreality tv' well executed man.

    hours later, morning sets in.
    a sun ray's spirit writing simmers
    ghostly upon the abandoned corner
    autographing austere avenue in
    triangular angles of sapphire and gold.
    More narration, and again the 'austere avenue' tag which has me thinking again that perhaps austere was the intended street name (though again maybe you guys had two seperate street names on purpose) this is really more of a closing so not much to say criticize here...

    I caught conneticut
    live-
    such hideous angles,
    to accent
    those cardboard cutouts
    that covered the tenements
    -with bloody sleeves
    and candy coated fruit
    that bloomed
    from plastic trees;
    a silicon dream sequence
    splintered by
    lithium lines
    in organized paragraphs
    -recited by so called artists
    who chose to narrate their last
    biographies live

    on
    -Surreality TV.
    A great conclusion for your segment atticus, it felt to me that even though you two were in sync in narrating these different events they were also very much on seperate trains of thought and that being said i thought this was a great conclusion to your bits, showing how there are so many fake things in this neighborhood intended to look real, thus this being surreality, great job.

    trouble is ripe in these prismatic signatures'
    far too abtract for the eye to decipher.
    Now this was a proper ending to your piece Esco, and if i look back i see how your previous stanza sets this one up, perfect tone to end the piece overall on.

    So to summarize you two guys did an excellent job. You're both exceptional writers but this really showed that you guys can take two contrasting abstract styles and make them work together in an almost epic narration. Sweet job guys, you certainly earned a nom from me, keep doin your thing!

    -Fiasco
    Po'Ethics.

  3. #3
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: .. atti? and Esco 3000: Surreality Tv

    Ok guys, nice job here.

    window shades of light collapses.
    I think ‘collapses’ should be collapse because ‘shades’ is plural. Just doesn’t sound right when read. Otherwise a creative way at looking at a simple everyday thing and also a bit odd of an opening as sunsets usually represent an ending

    playing director-
    I'll call action when the zebra
    leaps from his skin
    to the street
    -and the script reads
    [walk]
    16 mm screen shots
    climax over se7en sin
    -amatic bullet holes.
    shooting for fetish,
    we've soured the voyeur;
    9 mm's left
    to get the perfect
    shot.
    Really liked the wordplay and abstract thought here. I was a bit confused by the zebra line at first, but I think it represents something black and white suddenly bursting with color? 9mm gun line was creative and nice wordplay

    its an ongoing rendezvous.
    this sublime dip of lust
    from the anthropologic well of night.
    risky business actually,
    as contact initiates from
    'how much honey?' then
    the fiery appetite rekindles itself
    all over again.
    talking about prostitution? Nice connection with the movie title ‘Risky Business’, never seen it but I think its about a prostitute.

    I make a square
    with two losers (L)
    to view the world in live rumor;
    this looking glass
    has a dirty lens
    and cracked carrying case.
    tracing deer tracks down
    Asylum Ave-
    buying kisses
    from crack acrobatics
    -twirling along highway
    balance beams;
    the scene
    -ery scribbled across city blocks
    with white chalk
    and fallen
    lobby clocks.
    your abstractness lost me a bit here, not sure who the crack acrobatics are or represent. Like the connections though.

    it's this devious desire that
    unmasks itself between the legs of dark alleyways
    where new hunger always succumbs to an old emptiness.
    thought this was ok, feel like it’s setting me up for something.

    a search for static
    characters-
    through the alleyways
    in Mark Twain's
    head;
    I skip rope with telephone
    brains-
    sipping subtle conversations
    in a third-person
    nonexistence;
    there are no more hero's,
    but I found my wonder woman
    -in the gutter
    with a golden lasso
    wrapped around her forearm:
    a perfect heroin
    to save the day.
    liked how the lasso was a tourniquet for a drug user, and the play on words with ‘heroin’ and the depiction of a well known superhero hitting rock bottom

    'bring it on then' he thinks-
    the flagrant disregard downcast
    ritual. some rudimentary confirmation
    that sleep is an unnecessary
    indulgence bring it on,
    the polished strut, the lewd
    motion, and femme fatale vixens clutching
    the smallest blossom of love they'll
    ever know.

    look at it this way.
    round here, lust renders a man
    no less unstable than the silence
    that defines his agenda. some
    women cater to such immediate
    insatiable needs. empathy for a fee' if you please,
    the price one pays for passing on casting judgment when
    believing the nocturnal flash of a smooth
    female thigh is where a man's hand
    was born to belong.
    liked the last part of this, and thought you described it well.
    “ritual. some rudimentary confirmation
    that sleep is an unnecessary
    indulgence bring it on,”
    feel like theres punctuation missing in the last line, a comma after ‘indulgence’

    roll that tape back!
    [caution caution caution]
    standing below the balcony
    -to catch tear drops
    on the lens
    from broken heads;
    lynched in his own
    caution tape
    -the last super hero
    is forever
    in the rear view
    of replay.
    they sell nooses
    like bubble gum to toothless
    children
    -because depression
    gets front page news,
    along side
    suicide

    legends.
    Liked the connection back to the view thing made by the two losers…liked the caution tape…the concept of hero came back nicely as well. Good depiction of vulnerability.

    austere avenue, an aptly titled stride
    of pride land where liquor tongue odes
    sing a man's loneliness under a nameless harlot.
    Tuning his lies and alibi to casually come undone
    when the Mrs. inquires of his late night rendezvous
    like the idea of liquor tongue odes, also the image I get of it.

    now powder your
    nose
    before I capture your overdose
    again;
    close your eyes
    and hold your throat:
    dramatic effect
    -it's almost the end.
    finish snorting that outline
    that dances circles
    around your best friend,
    and drown in the midnight
    of starry eyed
    sluts.
    Liked the descriptiveness of this, not sure if ‘best’ is the right word to use to describe your friend, it seems out of place in the context of this

    hours later, morning sets in.
    a sun ray's spirit writing simmers
    ghostly upon the abandoned corner
    autographing austere avenue in
    triangular angles of sapphire and gold.
    ‘Austere Avenue’ comes back, like the imagery of the sunlight on the location, very well described

    I caught conneticut
    live-
    such hideous angles,
    to accent
    those cardboard cutouts
    that covered the tenements
    -with bloody sleeves
    and candy coated fruit
    that bloomed
    from plastic trees;
    a silicon dream sequence
    splintered by
    lithium lines
    in organized paragraphs
    -recited by so called artists
    who chose to narrate their last
    biographies live

    on
    -Surreality TV.
    nice description on the falseness of things. I think you’re getting at the idea of what is real and fake, and how you can define real to you

    trouble is ripe in these prismatic signatures'
    far too abtract for the eye to decipher.
    eh, not sure how I feel about this ending, think atty ended it better with more of a conclusion.



    Overall this was solid, abstract to a point where I didn’t catch some things, but the general idea was still understandable, the massive amounts of metaphors were great, especially by atty. Felt both writers did well, and the blend was refreshing. Although I didn’t see anything amazing with Escos writing, most of the thought provoking metaphors came from atticus. Good job
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  4. #4

    Re: .. atti? and Esco 3000: Surreality Tv

    thanks a lot you two.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  5. #5
    Whatever, Fuck You HighEngineChief's Avatar
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    Re: .. atti? and Esco 3000: Surreality Tv

    a search for static
    characters-
    through the alleyways
    in Mark Twain's
    head;
    I skip rope with telephone
    brains-
    sipping subtle conversations
    in a third-person
    nonexistence;
    This was my favoritve part from Atti, the imagery and sumbliminal discription was unique and i loved the subtle metaphores.

    'bring it on then' he thinks-
    the flagrant disregard downcast
    ritual.some rudimentary confirmation
    that sleep is an unnecessary
    indulgence bring it on,
    the polished strut, the lewd
    motion, and femme fatale vixens clutching
    the smallest blossom of love they'll
    ever know.
    Favorite part from esco, the power in the words seeps through beautifuly and jumps off the screen at you. I loved the use of language and aggresion, it was a nice touch to the piece.

    All together this was a very interesting read, hard to get at times but enjoyable all the same. I loved the two different styles you guys brought and how well you executed your imagery. One of the best poetry collabs Iv'e seen on here so good work and keep writing.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...il-331317.html
    Peep my poem Black Tar Devil

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