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Thread: Never Ending Bridge

  1. #1
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Never Ending Bridge

    Never Ending Bridge


    We’re simple, indirectly purposeful, those rows of conformers
    line up with heads bowed, lost mourners,
    the hoarders of all that is reachable, but alas,
    good deeds aren’t news worthy, and real ones
    aren’t teachable.
    The man who risks his life to save another is given
    medals and respect and pretty decorated ribbons, his
    heroics are remembered and treasured, to show what
    is good about us, the most important race,
    the human one, and it doesn’t matter if this man is
    abusive, because we already concluded what was
    necessary to deduce, this one act wipes away any
    other negativity, and will be remembered for the
    longevity of his years. But will it matter in the end?
    when he dies will he be surrounded by real friends?
    or will you be there, and stare at his personal hole,
    here’s a fuck you as we bury you in the Earth’s ass.
    I’m here because it looks good, and makes me feel
    better about my past.
    Oh the irony that is life, how can people not see
    that they can make a difference, we’re told every
    little thing counts and we believe it, until we are old,
    then thinks start to matter less, are we becoming
    less dense? Or is it just more advice filling out heads.
    Maybe it’s common sense or…free will.
    God must hate us.
    And plus, the consensus of the skeptics is that
    less trust means more for us. More problems and
    complications from situations that we tell ourselves
    we can deal with on our own. The world is my
    oyster we tell ourselves. But someone jacked the pearl.
    So we press on, now just trying to make it to the next day,
    tomorrow is so far away, and long term goals? Don’t
    make me laugh less I choke on the small bite I took
    from hope, another joke no one is laughing at,
    Our lives go on, drones in God’s ant farm, and
    don’t be alarmed when your time expires, that’s what
    they tell us heaven is for, and when people come to you
    funeral, you will look down and see your real friends, and
    those who think they need to feel bad, hear them say
    “There he is, just another fallen champion
    who tried too hard for too long and is down for the
    count.

    Count.

    One,
    Step in the general direction of perfection
    that adds to the neglection of heroic
    imperfections.

    Two,
    Glances backwards at the past that at last
    is fading fast, how much trouble can one
    amass?

    Three,
    Strikes before failure comes, and life is begun
    with the fading sun, no light shines on the
    shunned.

    One, Two, Three, and life is summed up,
    as we walk the never ending bridge between
    success and failure, the past and the present,
    we’re forever stuck in the middle.
    We’re going nowhere.
    A few achievements here and there

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  2. #2
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Last edited by Laureate; May 14th, 2007 at 12:56 PM
    A few achievements here and there

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  3. #3
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Re: Never Ending Bridge

    the scheme is certainly weird, its a little tough to follow your rhymes here... I think if you had used some more elipses (...) to force the reader to pause it could have helped but it still read pretty decently regardless. It's more of a free-flowing kind of thing, like a freestyle of thoughts... you ended it really strongly and I think that was the best part, when you really summed up your message and just kind of laid it out there and its pretty damned true, too. I've made similar points, I like the way that you made yours, though, its certainly unique, but I expect it of you Laureate, being so poetically inclined as you are... I think there could be some reworkings here and there to polish the rhythm and metre to this because its not established very certainly, but the message itself is clear and its very honest. Nice job, and thanks for giving my piece so much of your time, I appreciate that very much.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  4. #4
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: Never Ending Bridge

    bump
    A few achievements here and there

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  5. #5
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: Never Ending Bridge

    anyone? I know some people owe me some feed
    A few achievements here and there

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  6. #6
    Paradoxymoron Nib Oswald's Avatar
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    Re: Never Ending Bridge

    This would be an awesome spoken word recording with, like, gentle chords playing in the background. Great flow of rhymes and a stark tone in your sentiments.

    It's been a while since I've read some Laureate. I need to go catch up, methinks...

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    IJL: Because 'NAMBLA' was already taken.

  7. #7
    Twin Cities 651 Laureate's Avatar
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    Re: Never Ending Bridge

    thanks Nib
    A few achievements here and there

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