Aim at Rebuilding

[Laureate]

I suppose...

If i could,
fly back to the past
I would,
flash back to the trance that
was good,
To a day when everything was as
it should

be…maybe…

it's just, the future is uncertain and the past
already written, and the present lasts a second
before it's forever imprinted, if you listen, close,
hear chance passing by, and look up to the sky
for the reasoning why, I’ve tried and left defeated,
ignored and succeeded, accomplishments come
when they’re not necessarily needed, it seems
God’s conceited, or maybe I’ve just conceded,
And I find myself dragging when will is depleted,
I’m running off fumes! Trying not to inhale,
I’m living in the now, because a second ago
I failed.

I guess...
I’m just lost in this hole, wandering aimlessly towards
my goal, and searching for the future that reality
stole, confused and alone, far away from home,
I’m stuck in a life that’s accident prone, but
I can’t turn back now, can’t reverse in my wake,
I’d be late for my fate on that predestined
date, can’t change my old traits, and my
breadcrumbs are mistakes, and to go
through them again is a path I
won’t take.

So...
Rebuilding starts now, from the foundation
on up, but I’m on shaky grounds, can’t touch
base through the muck, but when progress is
slow, and turmoil grows, just look to the
past to know not where to go.

Because...
The future is uncertain and the past
already written, and the present lasts a second
before it's forever imprinted, die for tomorrow,
and live for today, time brings us answers
and tears evaporate

[Messiah.]

Ah, i know this lol, i voted for it in the topical championship battle lol, so yeh this was the same old Laureate, your verse was dope aswell it had a great emotion about it, and the imagery again was great. Your storyline was very nice also and you had no real rhymescheme and i dont think one would have fitted with your verse, your precision was almost immaculate. The final verse i thought was brilliant, really gave out a moral. Your verse just got better and better towards the end and i loved it.

Ima nominate it for Hof i think.

-Thomas.

[Wordz.]

Well overall there was great emotion within this piece it made me really read it more then one time......Imagery played as the rhyme scheme because there was not to much of a rhyme scheme but you made up for it . Storyline wise you were very creative.Precision was Great in all aspects as I expect from one of yourself. The ended made me not want it to end which makes great poems such as this piece man big ups for this.........Keep writing and I will keep leaving feed as long as you keep writing things as great no lie......Keep it up Please leave feed on my poem

[Laureate]

thanks

[Alta]

i cant begin to tell you how i enjoy your writing your style is so unique ... but its nothing i cant tell you what you already herd but this peice is very nice astounding emotion from begging to end i was hooked in your words good work as always

[Prince Escobar]

The way you illustrated this story was really strong man. I admire the way your poetic voice infused this piece with a good tone and a steady pace. The opening to your piece was a decent intro into the first stanza which was very enjoyable. I feel like it was full of descriptive language. You created good imagery and it shows the frustration through your poetic voice which was good.Your next stanza followed the reasoning process but gave a slightly less descriptive account of the despair of feeling like you're approaching death with nothing between you but time. The next stanzawas brief but i liked still because it didn't have to be lengthy.As for the way you ended this piece, i like how you repeated some of the first stanza but i would have liked to seen this piece end on a different note. I can't quite put my finger on why but it feels almost incomplete. Anyway nice job overall man, 1luv.

[King]

great read. you used a style similar to a lot of work i do so i took to right away. the rhyme scheme and flow of the entire piece was on point. i dont feel as if it had a weak point. as far as the content i like where you started with it and where you brought it. instead of just making a "life sucks" piece and leaving it at that which is what most writers would do, it was more of a "life has sucked, i'll come out of it" piece. which is much less painful to read than the first one. not painful at all in this case. too many writers are taking a depressed/depressing theme into their work and leaving it at that. much kudos for not taking that path.

I guess...
I’m just lost in this hole, wandering aimlessly towards
my goal, and searching for the future that reality
stole, confused and alone, far away from home,
I’m stuck in a life that’s accident prone, but
I can’t turn back now, can’t reverse in my wake,
I’d be late for my fate on that predestined
date, can’t change my old traits, and my
breadcrumbs are mistakes, and to go
through them again is a path I
won’t take.

that was my favorite stanza along with the ending. great job. much respect.

peace