When You Wish Upon A Star

[Leonidas]

Jiminy Cricket
“When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do”



Thoughts fade to dreams as my dreams fade to past
Moments lingering at my fingertips for how long will it last
I ponder at what lies in front, a perfect world created by envision
Pondering amidst dreams as my eyes stay glued to the television
Praying to be in a realm of peace, for these lies deceive
Feelings of hope never coming, but among the dreamers must believe
Being one of the individuals amongst the television, or is it too far away
Letting destiny take the reigns and wait for the wishing star to say
Circulating fury, my life is not what I pictured to turn out
Close my eyes for an instance but failure still yearn doubts



I still remain in the same world, the effect ceases to exist
Chaos letting up as the rain eventually lightens to mist
No family surrounds, never a mother nor father, was no love
Maybe that’s the reason I wish upon a star for a better life above
I wander the dreary streets, thinking of just if it was better
Age isn’t an effect because my growth seems to come never
Sympathy from no one, it seems as if nothing will remain just that
Trying to remember the days past but nothing ever comes back
I don’t know if this world is for me, destiny holds grim cards
Sneaking out of my keepsake, wandering past the thin guards
A find a shop window to peer in and the sight blinds my eyes
I see a television set, the appearance shatters my hearts demise



All this time I’ve wished to venture into the real existence
Not knowing my place already was not far from this distance
I had been living in the real world, but I thought life was ideal
Television’s revealing a façade to appeal for something unreal
I had been living in what I dreamed for, but the reality hit home
For I was not amongst the rest, just a small boy whose never grown
When I looked around, I realized, this is what I pray for at night
Wishing to be accepted like everyone else and know my life is alright
But now, as I see the chaos and confusing, I realize that my realm is good
I had always heard “Be thankful of what you are today” but never understood
Finally it came to me, these wishes were all just trying to uncover
That I already had everything I needed, but that wasn’t yet discovered
Revealing truth at last, So why wish upon a star for a higher place
When your already amongst the clouds of heaven, with God’s arms to embrace



Jiminy Cricket
"Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true"






http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...et-338951.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show.../m-338937.html

Extra Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ve-339018.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ck-338730.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...66404&posted=1
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...html?p=5775538
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...on-339782.html

[Vegeta™]

I really liked this peice, the pictures and structure of it all just works...it makes the peice really presentable + the pics are classy i dunno i like em, The emotion was def. evident, and the whole image your trying to pass upon the reader really puts u into the story, The fact that you broke it up into peices made the progression of the OM nice, and to see the different stages of him solving this problem. Making a statement with the end of it also. I thought it was a good read most def......and the setup couldnt of been more perfect. good stuff bro.

[R3LOAD]

i was really feeling this piece. i could feel ur emotion in it and u came relle hard with the flow. I could see what you were trying to get across very easily too.

very good piece 8.5/10

[Leonidas]

up.

[Delvious.]

lmfao , i already told you wat i thought cuz jiminey cricket is straight dope, and i like his lil rap that he got, this shit was dope man, and the imagery was cartoonish in my mind, wich made it even tighter, and the wordplay was nice too, overall nice drop...i give it a 8/10

[Gestures]

Thoughts fade to dreams as my dreams fade to past
Moments lingering at my fingertips for how long will it last

Kinda awkward wording here man^
I ponder at what lies in front, a perfect world created by envision
Pondering amidst dreams as my eyes stay glued to the television

i liked this^, nice imagery and wording.

Praying to be in a realm of peace, for these lies deceive
Feelings of hope never coming, but among the dreamers must believe
Being one of the individuals amongst the television, or is it too far away
Letting destiny take the reigns and wait for the wishing star to say
Circulating fury, my life is not what I pictured to turn out
Close my eyes for an instance but failure still yearn doubts

liked it here, simplistic flow, nice imagery.



I still remain in the same world, the effect ceases to exist
Chaos letting up as the rain eventually lightens to mist

this bar was dope.

No family surrounds, never a mother nor father, was no love
Maybe that’s the reason I wish upon a star for a better life above
I wander the dreary streets, thinking of just if it was better
Age isn’t an effect because my growth seems to come never

awkward wording on the 2nd bar fam, emotion was nice in the first.

Sympathy from no one, it seems as if nothing will remain just that
Trying to remember the days past but nothing ever comes back
I don’t know if this world is for me, destiny holds grim cards
Sneaking out of my keepsake, wandering past the thin guards

last bar was dope, this is the kind fo multies you should use ALL the time, where your rhyming more than one syllable.

A find a shop window to peer in and the sight blinds my eyes
I see a television set, the appearance shatters my hearts demise

coolio^


All this time I’ve wished to venture into the real existence
Not knowing my place already was not far from this distance
I had been living in the real world, but I thought life was ideal
Television’s revealing a façade to appeal for something unreal

decent section, again nice emotion shown.

I had been living in what I dreamed for, but the reality hit home
For I was not amongst the rest, just a small boy whose never grown

nice man^

When I looked around, I realized, this is what I pray for at night
Wishing to be accepted like everyone else and know my life is alright
But now, as I see the chaos and confusing, I realize that my realm is good
I had always heard “Be thankful of what you are today” but never understood
Finally it came to me, these wishes were all just trying to uncover
That I already had everything I needed, but that wasn’t yet discovered
Revealing truth at last, So why wish upon a star for a higher place
When your already amongst the clouds of heaven, with God’s arms to embrace

lol nice way to wrap it up man.

Jiminy Cricket
"Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true"

lolz^



O/A: nice drop man, damn creative lol, your flow was simplistic and awkward at times but it was nice the majority of the times, nice wording apart from a few glitches.. imagery and depth was nice, try add more multi syllable rhyming though man,



RTF please.

[Travis.]

I really enjoyed this peice.
Keep me interested the hole time.
The wording was nearly flawless.
You could really tell you that you
put effort in this peice.

9.2 // 10

[Leonidas]

Thanks for all the feed so far. Let's get some more...And if you leave some feed, drop a link to your O.M. and I'll return the feed as well.

[justrude]

Nice piece here West. The topic was great, and the Jiminy Cricket song made this an even better piece. The approch you took on the topic was good and this was a good piece. I didn't like your choice of wording, I felt you could've upped your wording a bit. Your structure was good, flow was good, and as I said, overall you picked a good topic. Keep writing.

[Leonidas]

up.....

[Ntalek]

overall this was a Solid Drop...few bumps here and there if polishe'd a bit this is HoF in my opinion...the whole story was dop and how you took the title and ran with it was nice...the flow was on point for the most part..and the emotion and imagery went together almost hand and hand..not really much I can say about these beside's a few force'd couple lines this was Dope.....good drop....you been MIA..in the OM thread..lol...


Aw.!
Homage.TO THE POOR.

[Wordz.]

"overall this was a Solid Drop...few bumps here and there if polishe'd a bit this is HoF in my opinion''(Could've said it Better) ..Creativity wise I have to say this was probably the most creative I've ever seen from you with the starts and the pictures it all ran with the story so well,well structured ..Rhyme Scheme and Flow wise was just about flawless with less to many errors good job on this part. ..Emotion wise you had it connecting at almost every end good job...The few bumps That I mentioned was lines that seemed forced you seemed like you was just trying to get it done at times,don't rush perfection..Overall I have to say you did your thing on this without some forced lines this with no doubt in my mind could've been hof.........good job.

Please leave feed on my PS once upon a blue moon thanks.

Wordz.

[Leonidas]

Thanks for the feed so far

Ntalek and Wordz, Ill leave feed on your piece's today


up

[Infinate Skillz.]

Wow man,
This was nice,
i'd prob. give it 8.5-9/10..

I liked the imagery in this, and the wording, the begginning began slow, but at the end, it became very nice. I liked the way you wrote this, w/ much imagery, and Jimminey Cricket, was dope..I liked the picture, to go along w/ the piece..This was very nice, i enjoyed this quite well..Anyways, hit up my battle against Laurette, in Fl Champ match, and i am anxious to see more om's from you my friend.

[Mariah]

West, you've really been impressing me lately and that's great. Glad to see new writers in this area. The 'Treasure' piece that you did is where I first noticed your skill, this "one-upped" that easily. Nicely put together, in all aspects. I think the only thing that hurts you is it starts out solid, but then it gets weaker, like you're trying to hurry and end it, you know? I loved the whole storyline you had going though, and Jimminy is the dopest Disney character, no doubt. Good job, I liked it.

-Mariah

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...vs-338473.html
^ hit this up honestly please (important)