Hot Sex On A Platter

[Sublime D]

I’m bout to fuck this beat
Put her down on all fours
She’s moanin with passion
I’m screamin hot metaphors
I’m gonna fuck this beat
Like a dog wit my balls out
And she’s a bitch, in heat
I’m gonna paint her insides
With the seeds of my creativity.
I’m gonna fuck this beat
Sweat beads on our bodies
Like the tears of my pain
Pourin down from above as the cooling rain
Every droplet of water is a mirror to shame
A porthole to a sea of moral depravity
A portal to past lives, imperfect versions of me
I’m gonna rape this beat
Because the lust is so raw
Like MLK bein mute
And I just have to speak
Cause I got this paper and a dream
40 bars and a pen
One shot to kill regret
And lay rest to ‘what could have been?’
I’m makin love to this beat
Like a slow wine riddim
With a silky smooth flow
Over mellifluous rhythms
I’m gonna sex this beat, like there’s no tomorrow
Cause she’s sweet as sugar, and I need to borrow
I’ve been waitin for a while, now I have my turn
A virgin on the mic, but it can taste my sperm
Every word I speak is like a piece of me
That can give birth to my story, from downfall to glory
I’m gonna marry this beat
I’ve made her my hoe, now she’s my wife to be
I love this beat
She’s been with me from the start
Her tone is my breath, her baseline is my heart
I’d die for this beat
Without her I couldn’t live
She’s my connection to this world
And this is all I have to give.
My beat is my lady, she makes me better
I just made her cum, but she still gets wetter
I live in her lap, from her bodice springs life
And I will swim in her ocean
Until my day…turns to night.

[Neruda II]

hahaha, i fucking loved this dude. it has to be spoken, its so full of passion and raw energy. I thought it was real creative and intense, kept my attention up, which is hard to do these days. I'm surprised this is coming from you, although i haven't read your work in a while my old amigo. I see you're still elevating and mastering your craft. This was fresh, really enjoyable.

[Sublime D]

thank you for the reply...

[Maven.]

I was feeling it. This is a strange piece because it varies from being worded simply to eloquently from line to line. Some lines seem really elementary while some are insanely complex. I like the A Tribe Called Quest reference.

A porthole to a sea of moral depravity
A portal to past lives, imperfect versions of me

I like that.
Interesting work, man.

[Jon]

lol...

you completely changed on me... the beginning was like... "eh.. huh?" and then in the end it was like.. "damn... interesting".. you gotta unique style of writing and i respect it. damn good job, i would nominate it if it wasn't already nominated... lol I haven't read a piece like this in a while

[MC_Merkstyla]

man that was a good idea... i liked the way you approached it. really good read

[Sublime D]

thank you all for the replies and positive feedback....i will try and raturn the favors asap

[Paramik]

god how do you do this man.
Feeling like you didn't even sweat it,
So overall this was a real emotional peice of sex.
If I can write liek you Id have ladies all on me. It does happen ayway but,
You had some great emotion and I can feel a real good sense of imagery in your peice.
Keep writen I like to see your poems and stuff

Feedback please on a new style im doing.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...l?goto=newpost

[Sublime D]

i need to start writing again...thank you for the replies

[Heychoo]

this was fucking dope.. s'all i can really say.

[Prince Escobar]

You're wack.

That being said this piece is an exception of that. You began this piece by immediately grabbing my attention with your language and vivid description. I see you've progressed in your word choice because this is much more minimalistic then some of your old work and yet your imagery is stronger. Throughout your poetic voice was strong and it reads well like a spoken word piece, just solid work through and through. Like Sharp said i'm surprised to see this coming from you but that's a compliment, good job D.

[Spoken]

^^WORD..

lmfao.. i loved this though man cus it was funny reading and really attracting. you had me interested from start to finish.... really creative and i really was into your word choice like esco explained to you in his feed man. sorry i aint got much to say cause pretty much it has been said already ya know...lol

I’m bout to fuck this beat
Put her down on all fours
She’s moanin with passion
I’m screamin hot metaphors
I’m gonna fuck this beat
Like a dog wit my balls out
And she’s a bitch, in heat
I’m gonna paint her insides
With the seeds of my creativity.
I’m gonna fuck this beat
Sweat beads on our bodies
Like the tears of my pain
Pourin down from above as the cooling rain
Every droplet of water is a mirror to shame
A porthole to a sea of moral depravity
A portal to past lives, imperfect versions of me

the eye catcher...lol....that caught me automatically

I’m gonna sex this beat, like there’s no tomorrow
Cause she’s sweet as sugar, and I need to borrow
I’ve been waitin for a while, now I have my turn
A virgin on the mic, but it can taste my sperm
Every word I speak is like a piece of me
That can give birth to my story, from downfall to glory
I’m gonna marry this beat
I’ve made her my hoe, now she’s my wife to be
I love this beat
She’s been with me from the start
Her tone is my breath, her baseline is my heart
I’d die for this beat
Without her I couldn’t live
She’s my connection to this world
And this is all I have to give.
My beat is my lady, she makes me better
I just made her cum, but she still gets wetter
I live in her lap, from her bodice springs life
And I will swim in her ocean
Until my day…turns to night.

The nice sweet metaphoric ending...nice creative piece here sublime

[LedgenZ]

Whoa this was dope man. Full of dope metaphors and crude language. I loved the intensity and sinful tone it carried....very adult, graphic, and dirty...almost malevolent, then BAM out of know where..benevolence. I liked how you switched from being overly aggressive and criminal to empathetic and caring...like you had an epiphany or something...None of what I'm saying probably makes sense, but fuck it! Who cares? I liked it!

Favorite lines:

I’d die for this beat
Without her I couldn’t live
She’s my connection to this world
And this is all I have to give.

^Man I don't know why, but those lines came out immensely powerful.

All in All this was good. Keep doing ya thing!


pZ