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Thread: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

  1. #1
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    It started at the site of the developed country America,
    a tamed beast, it went straight through the world wars
    and stopped at the Holocaust to take a glimpse
    it winded through Africa, Darfur to be exact,
    were it saw familiar faces then it swept across the oceans
    famine was his feast, breathing sweet abortion
    upon mother natures lips, he demanded help
    so the slave trade was his family business
    cursing through veins like fear with an acidic kiss
    the earth was created for his cemetery

    This one-way road was paved with the sweat
    of immigrants who were spit on—which
    landed on the tar, cement was rarely used
    gaseous air was soaked in the lungs so when the road
    got foggy, your hi-beams became projected shadows
    signs are never needed here, although you
    may know exactly where you are, you're lost
    heart strings playing sadly out of tune
    and dance upon road kill as he sweeps away
    the evidence of our existence

    Because it was in fact us that paved this road,
    tax-dollars helped pay for the slaves?
    No, it payed for the slave-owners, and that’s
    why the road went straight through china
    With no exits, but who wants to see China?
    When wheels collide with bodies
    castrating the dirt with teeth marks
    in order to gain a sense of loyalty
    the fruits here bleed life’s juices
    injecting the flies with enough food to die

    when they burst from overeating.
    The road becomes fat, and widens
    right in the center of America… it
    Becomes obese and then slims down once it
    Hits Africa, the bottleneck clogs the stream
    And often chokes itself to death
    vocal chords singing sweet misery
    the road becomes full of different
    tongues, of languages of all hates
    slapping dust on their tables to
    create an imaginary feast fit for starvation

    that’s when it seems to end, but always says it wont
    the road just turns into dirt… becomes a tunnel
    and you just cant seem to see your way
    Through it… you often will hit “E”
    before you reach the end… but
    let me tell you a little secret
    there is no light at the end
    because there’s no end
    it ends when you
    die, this is your
    tomb
    Last edited by Poeta Demonio; June 24th, 2007 at 07:42 PM
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  2. #2
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    Upping
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  3. #3
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ou-338899.html
    ^^RTF.

    damn a nice fuckin read...damn you both man really abstractive and i was really digging this collab towards it freakin style man...really i loved this poem here man

    It started at the site of the developed country America,
    a tamed beast, it went straight through the world wars
    and stopped at the Holocaust to take a glimpse
    it winded through Africa, Darfur to be exact,
    were it saw familiar faces then it swept across the oceans
    loved how the opener was set upon a certain fact ya know yet abstractive in its own manner....liked the wording aswell man.

    famine was his feast, breathing sweet abortion
    upon mother natures lips, he demanded help
    so the slave trade was his family business
    cursing through veins like fear with an acidic kiss
    the earth was created for his cemetery
    loved the acid kiss line man.. loved this part aswell with its own based metaphors man. nice shit

    landed on the tar, cement was rarely used
    gaseous air was soaked in the lungs so when the road
    got foggy, your hi-beams became projected shadows
    signs are never needed here, although you
    may know exactly where you are, you're lost
    heart strings playing sadly out of tune
    and dance upon road kill as he sweeps away
    the evidence of our existence
    Because it was in fact us that paved this road,
    tax-dollars helped pay for the slaves?
    No, it payed for the slave-owners, and that’s
    why the road went straight through china
    With no exits, but who wants to see China?
    When wheels collide with bodies
    castrating the dirt with teeth marks
    in order to gain a sense of loyalty
    the fruits here bleed life’s juices
    injecting the flies with enough food to die
    when they burst from overeating.
    The road becomes fat, and widens
    right in the center of America… it
    Becomes obese and then slims down once it
    Hits Africa, the bottleneck clogs the stream
    And often chokes itself to death
    this whole collab had its own vibe and was well mannered in its wording station and the diction in this was nicely done and if i could say pretty picky but nice picky nah mean... it wasnt over done with such thought and easily understand yet complexed in presentation. loved the emotion in this and the whole point of interest was in the middle of the verse...both mended well together and both style contradicted each other man nice collab guys really loved this drop!
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  4. #4
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    Thanks alot man, and one of us will get to your link bro.
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  5. #5
    I'll be back, new alias.
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    I agree with Mr.Write.

    The Emotion was cool. The Words you used weren't like wangster like rofl. By reading this and seeing Mr.Writes feedback I am guessing you two are not newbs. The poem overall was a great read. Keep it up guys, sorry I coulnd't leave better feedback. Aint used to this feedback shit yet lol.

    Please leave feed on my poem.
    Fuck it, this name is wack.

  6. #6
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    wow ...poeta really nice man...on both damn sides..i could read this over and over...nice imagery and nice way to play on words..and makes this interesting and Great piece.....Props to both of you....legends material here...vote it legends people must go there

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    IJL
    ProjectTribulatum

  7. #7
    Bye bye black bird Poeta Demonio's Avatar
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    Thanks alot man, apprciated. oh and feel free to nom it for legends lol
    AI


    “ˇViva la Revolución!”

  8. #8
    Written Voices Jon's Avatar
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    wow...

    im not gonna leave a bunch of feed, for time concern... but i read it... so here's my little bit.. It was very very good, at first I figured it would be cut into sections and whatnot, but this didn't really need to be in sections... I liked it, it was very metaphorical, and it had meaning... it also had VERY vivid description which in my opinion carried this piece. Good job from both of you, Diverged haven't really read a lot of your stuff but this definantly encouraged me... poeta, i've seen your shit so this wasn't too suprising, i figured it would be dope... good job both, please keep writing for the sake of RB..

    this will get nominated... for HoF at least... good job again.. keep up the good work...
    Artificial.Intelligence

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  9. #9
    Verge the Great Masahiko.'s Avatar
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    ^Thanks Jon..

    and i will be RTF on all the links.. i just havent had time atm.
    The Legion

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    HoF x5

  10. #10
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    Re: One way road to nowhere- Poeta & Diverged

    This was collab on this piece was nice, full of emotion and great usage of words that got a vivid picture across to me. I love the creativity in this piece from the formatting to the metaphors describing America. I Laughed a bit while reading this:

    why the road went straight through china
    With no exits, but who wants to see China?
    I laughed at that for the simple fact I was thinking of the same exact thing when I read those lines. I see you payed more attention to certain areas than others, I believe cause of what appealed to you the most, you pointed out nothing relatively new while writing about modern forms of slavery or Americas past, so I had to dock you on originality points there. I know it's easier to talk about the norm and what were all used to hearing, but it's the other ish that really intrigue us. So This piece for me'll settle for Hof...good job
    Last edited by Diversed; June 28th, 2007 at 09:36 PM

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