... I have many faces? - Jonathon

[Jon]

...I have many faces?

I'm depressed...
I guess.
In my own home I'm a guest.
It's like I love someone,
yet I'm her laughing fest?
They claim the same -
or maybe I'm insane...
Either way,
what she's doing,
simply inhumane.
Every breath I take;
one short step closer,
to the porch of death
& ding-dong-ditching his door.
It's suicide...

I'm going to write for myself
Yet I find myself writing for you,
While your ungrateful soul
is... picking at my heart...
You love me, you love me not,
and the rose pedals stopped.
The wheel of fortune which spun
around in circles like my mind.
I'm so confused, yet I know it,
does that make me confused at all?
I'm tired of being tired of being
pushed over the edge of every edge
to be pushed onto... and then fall.

Falling's the worst thing of all,
see you know you're going down,
but you can't fly,
you can't stop,
the only thing that works -
to your advantage;
is the rock bottom...
And you pray on your life
that the bottom is rockiest.
If not, well, you still have pain.

I still have pain,
the same pain I've had all along.
See, while I'm claiming to love you,
I'm hurting you...
While you don't even know it.
I've spoken.
I didn't want to,
but due to you, I had to.
And you errupted and got mad,
tears fled from my face like lava,
words punished me like rock,
your presence wasn't there...
Only a phone,
with you on the other end.

It resembled Roman's,
and their gods...
And you were running my life,
and I was running from you.

I'm so confused..

I hate you, I swear it.
But when we're together,
I can't help but look in your eyes,
and see oceans... vast and blue.
Its like they're half the tears
I cried and cried for you.
It makes no sense,
since you've been back...
Just continue to move;
Move and move, on we go,
like the first Open Mic I wrote.
We were going off track,
and it didn't make sense.
I baught you a ring for forever,
and two day's later forever ends?

Everything I see reminds me of you,
and everything I do reminds me of...
What it was like to have someone to love,
and what it feels like to hurt,
and feel the worst pain of all...
My heart was broken, it still is.
It won't be fixed because super-glue
isn't strong enough to hold it from you.

*Turns on radio*

Love songs, why?
Love is fake, love is a myth.
There is always a catch like,
a fishing boat in the middle of the ocean.
You can't possibly love one,
and there be no drama,
until they meet another along the same time.

*Turns off radio*

*Turns on TV*

Shows, they don't help.
I'll sit there, and stare at the,
screen of my life...
While it flashes before my eyes.
Action movies make me want to die,
Drama makes me want to cry,
Comedy only makes me sleep...
I don't know why.

*Turns off TV*

*Picks up newspaper*

Every line I read gets more depressing,
death of war, death of teens,
death of love? No. No love is needed.
All the news needs is,
exciting stuff, venting away from reality.

*Tosses newspaper in trash*

I don't know what to do,
I'll sit here, I guess...
Should I wait for you?
Should I hop on the same train,
that took my life to hell?
Or should I just move on,
No, its too hard when you have boulders,
holding you down...

My boulders are TRUE LOVE.
It's a pitty that it's my own imagination.
I guess thats why I have so many faces?

[Jon]

*Writers note: I realize the length is long, and there may not be many people willing to read this. I will feed any piece you link me to, you can leave from 1 to 5 links if you'd like and I will hit them up. I really really would like to have some feed on this. Thanks.

[Diversed]

Omg man, wasn't expecting to read something like this, this is ledgendary in my book. The topic itself had potential to do much more than what was seen here, but man you really put your foot in this piece. Your meta's had nice concepts and were brought out woderfully, I like the style you use, with the narrative touch thats one of my favorite styles I like to use, but you really killed it. Your words mos def brought out the setting during each and every stage you went through. I was able to undeerstand that characters pain cause this piece was very relatable. You really brought the atmosphere that you needed to help put the reader in the character shoes and see what he se and felt, I usally try to attack something in the piece that I can find wrong, but I honestly gotta say this was a true work of art man, good job..

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ad-340439.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...up-340726.html

[Sianide]

dope stuff john, very vivid. something we can all relate to.
it's the type of om thats been done a million times, but you put your own spin on it, yet it still stayed on track the whole way through. perfect picture of post-break-up depression. its like "the day after" type of feeling, yanno?

im not the best critic of om's or poetry, but in my opinion, its dope work yo. keep em comin.

-Sianide

[Jon]

Thanks man. Really appreciate the feed yall. This was written straight from the heart, about last night. I really thank you for feeding. I will return the favor on any thing you want me to.

[Heychoo]

i told you.. write for yourself.. and see what happens.

[Jon]

uppin.

[djb]

Damn man, i know right where you are at right now. It's tough, but hopefully writing stuff like this will help you vent and weed out what is unnecessary paranoia and what is reality. As far as writing it is dope. I wrote almost the same exact thing about 3 months back. I swear it was like reading my own poem. this was very well composed and i liked the breaks, it helped to hold the momentum and still keep that sense of confusion within the urgency of your words. very well written and very easy to relate to. Nice illustration of what i hope isn't to be.

[Jon]

word. Thanks man.

[Messiah Kaeto]

Yes man, ..

.. ' This is clearly something ultra-personal to you, which means more than any crit you can receive from an internet message board.

All I can say is this is a real emotional, personal piece, with a fantastic sense of imagery and pain. You laid ya heart out in this man, and it's obvious you have a deep-rooted agony here.

Hope everything sorts itself out, and you are able to stay strong throughout.

Peace & God Bless.
Keezy.

[Jon]

thanks...

appreciate the feed all...

[Engivale]

Sorry I didn't get to this sooner, I know you wanted me to read it and I actually appreciate it when anyone personally wants me to read their piece because they want my personal feedback... so thanks to begin with... I was reminded when I just got ur PM about this I been kind RB afk since SS took a break.

The piece is so damned emotional, I can really relate to what you're going through having been there and done that on the love thing... people, especially when they're young, get intensely attached to the first person they have a true physical connection to. We all want to be cuddled, held, kissed and hugged and loved, and when we get that, we tend to get a little crazy in our decisions to keep it. Losing it is a real shock to the mind, its like nothing seems good enough anymore...

Eventually you'll feel different, love is a really deep emotion but the intellect can guide you past it. It's important to be positive and realize you had good times and its over and it will benefit you to take it something that was in your fate to teach you how to better love someone else when you meet your true someone.

The writing was deep, flow was inconsequential obviously, but I enjoyed it and it came out really nice, man, I hope you're getting thru all of your bad times.... writing about it is really therapeudic, too. Keep it real, Jonny boy.

[Jon]

Damn, thanks for the tips Eng. Really appreciate it. I guess this came out better than planned, seeing as I feel better and it came out good.
Thanks again for feed everyone.

[Vegeta™]

Damn really nice bro, Very heartfelt, and vivid...and extremely emotional.

I like the whole personality to the entire peice that you yourself were able to enstil in a peice like this...adds so much more feeling and trueness to it ya know...
I also like the consistancy of hardship throughout it..Yet keeping it really real...and Deep..and like connective to your feelings ... i really enjoyed reading this peice, and as it went along i felt more related into it, trying to search through myself for feelings like this..and every reader loves a piece they can relate to....
Awesome job..props and hope you get through these times.



http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...do-341677.html
My newest PS peice..hit it if u get the chance.

[Jon]

*fed all links left*

uppin.