man's manifesto

[Fiasco]

i just realized my time spent pacing
our apartment rehearsing my apologies
for your inclement discovery of dirty dishes,
gnarled in a climb of porcelain and plastic supremacy,
have been out of body experiences.

i now know the clarity one learns when
a woman's title is preceded by 'ex' and all the
familiar finds the back most wrinkle in my mind
to call home.

i never felt any less in love with my recliner then
i did the day i entrusted in it the task to mask a
pile of empty bottles, a job met with the laziest of
attempts in which glass seemed to reach out like
teeth to eat my dear friend.

i've come to the conclusion i could not have been myself,
to sacrifice a friend, and peace of mind to the shrine
of your estrogen driven rituals.

locating the keys in a pile of dirty laundry is never met with
merit on venus, and it seems as if i'm simply not fit for these
revolutions any longer.

so woman, this is my declaration, by your decorations that
i never approved, of independence in this residence
done in eloquence, to one miss elegant, who forever
misses the hint that there's a fire under the sheets
but deems it infinitely more important to see
the weather then sportscenter.

this, is man's manifesto.

[Prince Escobar]

I enjoyed this poem a lot man, it shows consistency from you which i'm glad to see.

i just realized my time spent pacing
our apartment rehearsing my apologies
for your inclement discovery of dirty dishes,
gnarled in a climb of porcelain and plastic supremacy,
have been out of body experiences.

This shows strong poetic voice, you brought the first stanza to life and because of that you got me hooked and kept my interest throughout.

i never felt any less in love with my recliner then
i did the day i entrusted in it the task to mask a
pile of empty bottles, a job met with the laziest of
attempts in which glass seemed to reach out like
teeth to eat my dear friend.

i've come to the conclusion i could not have been myself,
to sacrifice a friend, and peace of mind to the shrine
of your estrogen driven rituals.

These two stanzas i found impressive in their fluidity and the strength of your imagery.

so woman, this is my declaration, by your decorations that
i never approved, of independence in this residence
done in eloquence, to one miss elegant, who forever
misses the hint that there's a fire under the sheets
but deems it infinitely more important to see
the weather then sportscenter.

this, is man's manifesto.

Lastly i enjoyed this ending as it sums up the piece nicely and again is indicative of a strong poetic voice, overall this was a good poem man, keep writing.

[Jon]

wow.. I've read i think 3 or 4 of your pieces, and sometimes wondered why people thought you were soooo good.. this kind of showed me up. I really liked how you kept your words and meanings strong. it was actually quite a read... I liked it a lot. really really poetic and somewhat abstract in a way. anyhow, keep up the good writing, and keep writing. I expect to see more from you! anyways, good work.

please rtf.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ns-341491.html

[Fiasco]

Thank you both for your feedback

[Spoken]

http://http//www.rapbattles.com/foru...od-341986.html

hit that fellow mate.

anyways i liked how this poem was approached and the word choice you expressed in this was out loud and very smooth. you knew what you were doing and you executed well off to it ya know with no hesitation and no thought i gues it felt somewhat like a freeverse but some times here and there had a style to it... but you definatly showed why you barely come on but when you do we make a big deal about it.. cause you drop poems like this in once a while and yet still not get noticed as one great writer so to you a true underdog you are but a great one at it with words to back it up if you know what i mean...mucho luv brotha!...

Pz.