Her Wall

[Psuedo]

I really tried to portray my emotions in this piece.

Her Wall
Brutal barricade of the mind
See the love needed
On the other side
Reach forward only to bleed
From cut glass that won’t break
Such an unrelenting fate

Glass wall so unkind
A cruel barrier
That creates desire
And feeds longing
It’s Always there
And never fair

So long I tried and tried
Could not reach around
Could not find the top
Could not climb under
But I still needed you
On my side

Glass wall so unkind
Is it in my mind?
I can see the person
I wanted to be
But you stole that
Away from me

It will not let me grieve
I see you but you can’t see me
You never could
You never will
The glass never breaks
But I bleed

Glass wall so unkind
Always between us
I thought you knew me once
But now I can see
The illness in your mind
Would never let that be

[Jon]

pretty dope for a newcomer. i like to see this kind of work from you, or from anyone... you had a real nice piece here man.. i LOVED the emotion, and i loved how you sectioned it off... yet it did kind of take away from the 'poetic flow'... its ok, you did well.. you came with a great poetic voice, which was definantly a good thing, just keep it real.. keep trying to put metaphores in there, along with similies and all sorts of other fancy language thingys.

keep writing though.. lol sorry for the weird feed, but you did good.. keep it up.

[Senses Fail]

thanks man.