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Thread: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

  1. #1
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    This is a dream.

    Tranquility scrapes by with an eary aftertaste
    as a desolate landscape shines burgundy-gold
    i've heard of a place called home... yet never felt it,
    helpless, i've clung to moonlight and dry skies
    wondering why... everything seems to melt away
    stuck on you're brain, silhouetted for days
    melodramatic craze, that dissipates with purple fog
    as the once subtle atmosphere turns wasteland
    smog outlines a new way of thinking,
    and humans become nothing more than vultures and pigeons
    with feathers lost on the freeway.
    never again will we taste a free day, fresh air, or salty sea
    instead liposuction n' ill-flavored food made from hybrids
    its suddenly quiet here...
    And i don't think i am ready to behold the storm
    as my dream flutters and twitches into a calamity motion
    i'm standing under an ocean and an open vent
    Spewing forth Bush administration plots,
    a new era that reeks of rotten blood clots
    so is this a convening message to help it stop?
    or am i just perceiving a nightmare ready to be sold or bought...

    hold that thought...
    READ MORE

  2. #2
    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    So good. Especially the first half of it. What a great picture you painted here, epic and yet familiar. You described everything so well, I like your use of colors, really made this come to life. A respectable work, I think you should stop by the po'ethics business thread and give a try out.
    murder murder

  3. #3
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    ^^^really?

    i just wiped this up for a league on another site man.

    but dope, on second read of i though it was pretty decent in my own eyes, at first i wasen't really impressed by my own work here... but cool, i might add another intro stanza to this now.

    Thanks man you def one of the only people that feeds my shit in here.

    pm me a link if you want... i'll peep it as soon as my internet is back up in victoria. (moving today)
    READ MORE

  4. #4
    Soule
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    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    So good. Especially the first half of it. What a great picture you painted here, epic and yet familiar. You described everything so well, I like your use of colors, really made this come to life. A respectable work, I think you should stop by the po'ethics business thread and give a try out.

    I agree, the beggining was awsome. Original and Creative. Overall I can't say anything other then what he said. So keep writing and I'd leave a RTF link but I need the 20 posts. So hit up Capture in return please.

  5. #5
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    sup.
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  6. #6

    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    Nice read.

    Tranquility scrapes by with an eary aftertaste
    as a desolate landscape shines burgundy-gold
    i've heard of a place called home... yet never felt it,
    helpless, i've clung to moonlight and dry skies
    wondering why... everything seems to melt away
    stuck on you're brain, silhouetted for days
    melodramatic craze, that dissipates with purple fog
    as the once subtle atmosphere turns wasteland

    Those lines opened it up with a boom. Kept me reading into the ending scenerio. I thought your wording was pretty strong. And everything else was nice to. Can't wait to read more of your work.

    Hit up my piece "Time" please.

  7. #7
    ...nxiwT Twixn...'s Avatar
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    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    last up...

    thanks for the feed...

    *just got my i-net running again*

    so i can hit up links now... woot.
    READ MORE

  8. #8
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Re: This is a Dream (Quick thought)

    there's a lot of quotables in this.. i really liked a lot of lines like the burgundy line, the feathers line, the wasteland and hybrid lines... just a lot of strong imagery within this. Great usage of words and it flowed well. overall, dope drop.. keep this up.

    return favor, plz...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-347757.html

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