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Thread: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

  1. #1
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    "i clean, you clean
    we all clean for hygiene!"
    is what they seemed to chant
    amidst the classroom's amped
    parade of critics and comedians
    -lukewarm liquid trickles through my hairline,
    blue ink smeared on the right side
    of my left hand,
    but i use my sticky palm's sweat glands
    as a cleansing technique.

    the clown's circus captures
    my nervous status,
    internal daggers release the stench,
    absorbing attention from my group
    as they complain about the smell and refuse
    to participate along side with me
    -one girl says "eww you're stinky"
    another tells the teacher and i'm called
    over to his desk,
    raising my shield against the pressure

    -but his pointless lecture pierces
    through my defenses beyond measure,
    his words spit porcupine-like caterpillars into me,
    the metamorphosis begins it's miracle
    -embarrassment unbearable,
    hyperactive butterflies are born as i shiver,
    aware that this moment will be unforgettable,
    he explains how i have a hygiene issue
    and that my vice is disrespectful,
    hosting a heckle show for the students.

    mismatched attire sacrificed
    for personality,
    adjunctly dispatching my shower allergies
    -braces embrace resemblance of junk
    on teeth coated with miniature garbage cans,
    crusty lips sucked and licked with husky lifts
    of shredded skin peeling above a rusty fist,
    dirty tips sit at the end of nails
    failing to entail,
    embedding the braille with leprosy.

    an epiphany's energy credited intelligence,
    blessing my perspective
    whilst discarding the credulous
    brains washed in order to smell acceptable,
    i'm rewarded with reason-ing,
    escorting the essential goal of hygiene,
    the swings
    of my moods are losing momentum
    as the wind calms down and out
    -bountiful bouts are fought by the caring of my health

    "i clean, you clean
    we all clean for hygiene!"
    is what seems to fade into the black hole
    of my hijacked soul as the lukewarm liquid
    trickles through my shampoo-coated hair,
    soap smeared on every side of my body
    -i use my moisturized palm
    as a cleansing technique.

  2. #2
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Re: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    me want feed

    leave links

  3. #3
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    Re: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    Though I'm not really into poetry as much as i should be hint hint...this I'd have to say was pretty dope...The imagery in this was amazing..then how you just keep the content's wording flowing so smoothly allowing for the great read all the way through...IMO..this was great...I mean how you took it like..he was never..down..about how he replaced it with his personality was dope..and then the whole beginning with the use his hand for his cleaning technique..and to bring it back at the end like that was brillant..nice write..and another great read from E.S. keep writing...

  4. #4
    is in the house Facts Machine's Avatar
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    Re: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    Thanks, yo.

  5. #5
    Terminal Fantasy Morbid Dream's Avatar
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    Re: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    hyperactive butterflies are born as i shiver,
    aware that this moment will be unforgettable,
    he explains how i have a hygiene issue
    and that my vice is disrespectful,
    hosting a heckle show for the students.
    Real good. Nice imagery/creativity

    Interesting concept. The emotion was good and sumpathy for a little kid was effective. Sometimes you seemed a bit inconsistant and off-course. I wasnt sure if you were mocking the smelly kid or trying to induce sympathy. Some of your metaphors didnt connect right but generally your imagery was pretty good. Cool drop. Good stuff.


    I know my feed is a bit vague but heck! I havent received hardky any feed after feeding about 10 others...Check my verse and I'll give a better feed here!
    RTF
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...it-347683.html
    Last edited by Morbid Dream; September 10th, 2007 at 10:25 AM
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    1xOM HoF

  6. #6
    Terminal Fantasy Morbid Dream's Avatar
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    Re: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    bump ...last post didnt work properly
    Notarized Artistry


    1xOM HoF

  7. #7

    Re: I Used To Have A Hygiene Problem

    Good piece, nominating for HoF I believe

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