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Thread: Lost

  1. #1
    ..Gehoben..!
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    Lost

    Wit's End.
    Pushin n pullin, it seems as if i'm losin my hold
    living on only in the stories in my music i've told
    now i can no longer recognize a bar in a beat
    i'm starvin to eat, once again to be a part of tha beef
    regardless of me music has found a way to strive
    it'll leech off the speech of others and stay alive
    and a new MC takes tha mic n starts learnin tha ways
    so that all i can do is hear the blasphemy n turn in my grave
    how is my purpose displayed?? i cant mask tha terror
    how can i make an imprint on a beat that'll last forever
    memories of back in the past, i was focused then
    when my spirit n lyrics seemed to know no end
    now i've come to a dead stop, red hot but coolin down
    its like i learned my lesson for some time n now school is out
    i've been left to wander the streets wit no place ta go
    music used to take control, but now it replaced its home

    Real Thorough
    got no mic in my hand, & no1 jumpin tonight
    life's boring & quiet now i aint bumpin' the vibes
    cat's was paper wit my pen cos sentances ripped
    now its like loosing a friend how im missin this shit
    i had the plan to go out & allways follow my dream's
    kids who hated my rhymes, now all on my scheme's
    emcee's taking shots at me, & wont leave it at that
    cuz i turned on music, now its just beats in the back
    its a one way beaten track, & my smile turned to frown
    but now i wanna go back, & yet cant turn around
    hurtin now, cuz i sinned, i should quit fightin to live
    now the lord hates me cuz i stopped writin my script's
    im not liking this shit, not bein a emcee is gettin to me
    no longer a disturbance, im too busy restin in peace
    lettin it bleed cuz my heart's ruined, im needin to rest
    cuz i lost my music, now i lost the beat in my chest

    __/\______/\_____/\___________

    Liquid through my veins., by Nomad & Opus
    Last edited by The Vet.; January 18th, 2008 at 12:37 AM

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  2. #2
    Banned
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    Re: Lost

    This is real hot... I found flow easy and its meaning and content really mean something... 10/10...

  3. #3
    Gully Flow
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    Re: Lost

    This was decent. I liked the end of it the most. The flow was okay in both, nothing too amazing or extra consitent but okay enough. I see both coming with some multi's and both have a more complex rhyme scheme than the norm. I couldn't really get much into this though. No imagery and no emotion. That's what topicals thrive on to me. Fuck vocabulary and shit. Flow, imagery, and emotion. I want to feel something when I'm reading it. Read was smooth enough, but I'd call this piece just average. Just wasn't feelin' it too much. But keep writing guys and both of you hit this up...

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-358231.html

  4. #4
    ..Gehoben..!
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    Re: Lost

    thanks guys, and for the indepth feed nomad. Will do, now.

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  5. #5
    Town Rapist Ink Poyzin's Avatar
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    Re: Lost

    dope fuckin' piece, dudes.. both flows were on point and never flew me off. good multi's and dope rhyme schemes. both of you used decent vocab.. no imagery (which is cool with me).. some emotions.. more like that inner emotion... pulling it out.. so I have to disagree with Nomad.. overall.. both of you did a good job, dudes.. dopeness all the way through.. people have to understand skill isn't based on 3 things.. emotion, vocab and imagery.. its based on a mix of things.. all rolled into one.. anyhow.. much props and respect.. keep writin.. elevation is key, dudes..
    [YOUTUBE]gbEwHJX95QE[/YOUTUBE]

  6. #6
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Lost

    I'll have to read it when I feel like myself again. It seems really good and important.
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

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