directions

[Standard Issue]

An evening power outage pushed us out into the rain's
fingers which tickled our necks, sore from the day's
slow search. I was on the hunt for a puddle, fat-full
with muck and rainwater. Her ex-boyfriend was fresh
from jail- boarded in a halfway house, halfway up
my block. The smoke from my cigarette swallowed
us, slow like a constrictor working scales around
a meal, as we consumed each other's story on the low
steps in front of my building. He left her without
warning and found himself in the county's cold
gut. A man can get ground to memory in there, she says.
I nod, turning my face from her lighting up her own
cigarette. She wants him back, even after the fists
thrown into her stomach, and she is out here tonight
looking for him in the black-out of this January
thunderstorm. Swirling water in my tin cup, I wonder
if she might be vulnerable enough.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...am-366056.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-365905.html

[Standard Issue]

Up over swagger-jackers.

[LedgenZ]

I'll be honest, I thought this shit was dope -- for real man, I really did. I mean, I don't know what it is about this piece that makes it so captivating to me; I mean, seriously, I just don't know. Anyway, I thought your imagery was spot on, as too were your metaphors. Your language, as always, was top notch. You obviously have one hell of a command over it. Likewise, the both the tone and the pace of this piece was nothing short of amazing. You have a real ability at sucking the reader in with vivid imagery and smooth wording. Making the energy your poem gave off kinetic-like (for lack of a better word). Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to is say is, that I found the read to be very quick and even more entertaining. Great job! Loved this piece! Consider it Nom'd!



Oh and...Favorite Lines:

Her ex-boyfriend was fresh
from jail- boarded in a halfway house, halfway up
my block. The smoke from my cigarette swallowed
us, slow like a constrictor working scales around
a meal, as we consumed each other's story on the low
steps in front of my building. He left her without
warning and found himself in the county's cold
gut. A man can get ground to memory in there, she says.
I nod, turning my face from her lighting up her own
cigarette. She wants him back, even after the fists
thrown into her stomach

^Like I said, the imagery was insane and the metaphors/similies/wordplay was even doper. *Shrugs* what else can I really say?



Stay up man!


Pz

[HighEngineChief]

Your really on some def jam poetry shit with this one. From the meta's to personification to similies; you utilized alot of resources in this piece wich really made it seem rich and full of life. I loved the way you tell your story and describe the characters involved. You pick your words carefully and execute brilliant imagery. Like I said in the last piece, I want to see more in depth reads, give my some epic shit man I know you can do it; So do it! lol.
Good shit

[P. Mortuus]

Damn sorry it took so long to get around to this but this shit was one hell of a read.Glad someone nom'd it. Also let me be the first to say glad to see you posting up P.S pieces now instead of just dropping in I.E..You should start getting a rack of Hof pieces over here with your writing abilities.Now to the piece you had meta's like this was topical piece which made for and entertaining read. Your imagery was more then dope in this piece you had enough to loan a dude some.Your overall voice of this piece spoke out you had a hell of good language here.This could be a fucking spoken word.Nothing else left to say but what ledge and HEC said this was just one fucking great piece and will soon have its spot in the Hall fame thread with some of the greats to ever do it congrats.

-Nyce