Paper Sabbath

[P. Mortuus]

Paper Sabbath
Written By,Nyce.

A tired device set in place upon a crystal banner,
A ghostly hand that reaches to the stars.
A ghostly voice that screams to eternity
That we no longer have a reason to survive.

Everything has been said,
Yet we are not goaded to action.
Beauty queens leer at us through clenched teeth
While the rabble sleep in peculiar lucidity.

"Fuck the majority", they cry while biting their lips
Till they bleed.
"We are no longer yours to command!"
They cut themselves on shards of patience.

Gaps appear in the lines of the unwashed as
Lucifer himself is crowned king of "Everything He Can See",
As the grinning skeletons that have become the new "ourselves" are
Revered for their peculiar talent.

A day for peace, a moment, no less,
But the new order comes with less than 21 guns,
A mere whisper in the ear of reason,
A mere shadow flitting across a forgotten path:

First comes midnight in the garden,
Then Eden crumbles beneath our feet
As we see in each other's eyes
The brightly shining fires of Denial.

We celebrate with hopeful hearts
A history of blood and death,
Of beating our foes into the ground
And reveling in their death-masks.

What have we become that we must ask ourselves
What is right?
Who cares about the past if all that is before us
Is an endless, purposeless future?
The Master of the World is an evanescent dream.

Who cares about the past if all that is before us
Is an endless, purposeless future?

[P. Mortuus]

Links
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...us-366517.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post6343237

[Ntalek]

Pretty good write here my fellow Dopey...first off this is one of your more better worded pieces I'd have to say..you upped your vocab a notch...you had some strong lines here and there.

Everything has been said,
Yet we are not goaded to action.
Beauty queens leer at us through clenched teeth
While the rabble sleep in peculiar lucidity

This lil particular stanza seemed to stand out to me..IDk why...I just really enjoyed the emotion behind this part I guess..but overall I enjoyed how fluid this piece was...it read real smooth..and was easily comprehend...The topic was original but the take seemed like something I've seen b4....but overall this was a solid drop..thanks for the read..

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks now more feed please.

[P. Mortuus]

Feed me kids.

[LedgenZ]

Look, I'm not a huge fan of other people preaching to me. Nor do I usually get caught up in the moralistic politics of individual opinions. However, one thing I don't mind, is a well written piece that embodies both of those elements. And this my friend, was basically, just that.

I think perhaps the writing in the beginning was a bit slow and could have used some more concise and decisive wording. However, as the piece progressed it got dramatically more entertaining. At one point I actually fount myself shaking my head in agreement with your content; as well as simoutaniously stroking my beard in deep thought. Which in my opinion, sort of made up for the literary devices you lacked in certain area. Actually, I wouldn't say lacked, because that implies they were a matter of necessity, and honestly, they were anything but. I just would have preferred a little more wordplay here and there, but that's more so a matter of taste than it is a discussion of absolution.

Anyway, this drop was nice. It had depth, emotion, and a lot of soul about. Hell, anytime I find myself nodding my head alone with the content, I think the poem has done it's job. So...


Good read Nyce and stay up.



pz!

[.mirage.]

Wow, the first thing I noticed while reading this, was how good your wording came off. It's obvious that you're a very skilled writer and you've been doing this for awhile. Vocabulary was pretty good. There were some uncommon words in there, but no words that would fly over the common readers' head which is a good thing in this case. Sometimes, you don't want to be too intellectual in poetry. I like how the piece picked up pace as you went through. Overall, this was great write man. We should collab sometime.

Hit this up with some feed

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-366752.html