"mst,fgtn,yday"

[Rah Gwahn]

"Don't stay up all night"
The last words from a person. First words of my morning.
Is it just me or does this incandescency get heavier
every minute?
Like a perpetual weight.
Probably.
When I think about our conversation,
it seems like only yesterday. In fact it was -
just yesterday. Which brings me on to
our conversation, yesterday, about how
the last time we seen eachother seems like
yesterday, except that was yesterday.
When in fact it's been two weeks.

I found this interesting, I guess you could say
that you're an inspiration. But regardless, where's
my short term memory?
It's like I just got off the bus one day, (forgetting it)
and it's sat there in to my seat, chilling.
Waiting to be returned to me.
I wonder if some bloke's picked it up
and taken it home as his own...

So anyway it's probably safe to say, that with
lack of sleep, weight gain, short breath, sweating,
no memory, liver pains, back ache, headaches,
spots, and increased stress...
I should probably detox.
My memory needs it, and so -
(being self critical)
does my esteem.

Where do you fit in?
You're my detox!
Smiling, I want you to journey across
places in me that otherwise only drugs can satisfy.
Stroke your hand across my forehead and
break the static of stress,
Find and wipe the grit from my ticking, rusted
engine and my gears are sure to follow.

I need a lift, a tow.
I'm basically in a bad place.
Doped up smoking boozing waking up in police stations.
It's only made more ironic by your choices,
only so much more by the conversation we had,
just yesterday.

[Remid~E]

Very good formation And Incetive...

this piece was interesting i couldnt really relate to it...so maybe thats why i cant give you a full evaluation on it....

but i liked this piece......i suggest maybe trying to Use more details in your writing to give the image to the reader...

i Rate this a 8/10 most Def a simple and elegant piece.

- Please leave some feed for me please -

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...in-373594.html

[Costa.]

Hey. This was a Nice scripture. To me, it felt more spoken word. It would be better if you record it. The concept is simple, your word usage was par though, kept me interested throughout your poem. You have a unique style, the way you format it and make the poem flow. And I love the tone you set in this poem, seems like you were talking to the audience, not just talking but relating, you know. All in all, Nice Script.

[Spoken]

Dude seriously man i have really missed feeding on your fuckin writtens man... its me write anyways dude seriously celz this here was bomb. i loved how it was sick in the most simplest ways ya know. i didnt have to have a dictionary next to me to figure it out i just had a two sense for things and i got it from left to right with out no problem and the story aswell was jjust magnificent. The beginning flowed well and the start of metaphor was just a nice opener like a teaser...in a creative way of fashion for poetry.

"Don't stay up all night"
The last words from a person. First words of my morning.
Is it just me or does this incandescency get heavier
every minute?
Like a perpetual weight.
Probably.
When I think about our conversation,
it seems like only yesterday. In fact it was -
just yesterday. Which brings me on to
our conversation, yesterday, about how
the last time we seen eachother seems like
yesterday, except that was yesterday.
When in fact it's been two weeks.

The first stanza was insightful and delightly enticing and original to it own point of poetry. no form of figure me out here stupid type of write. the whole story telling and words used per say was on it like to fat chicks over a muffin! lol. but i loved how it stayed to its route of ways out of a poem and stayed classic.

Nice shit here man... hope to see more of you and oh yea.... your this months featured POET for the mag...HOLLA! (Next month i mean)

[P. Mortuus]

I think you missed out the had before seen, or could have used saw.

^That's me being picky though lol....I liked this, it seemed more like a conversation than anything else and by using certain words you made this whole piece more relatable to me as a reader. I liked the left the brain on the bus thing. Overall, this seemed like a serious self evaluation at some parts as well.

Anyhow, good piece...and what does the title actually say :/ Most forgetting Yesterday?

I'm crap at randomd text speak lol. Pz.

[Rah Gwahn]

My short term's, fucked going to nothing, you've damaged another youth.

That's not actually what it means. I don't know what it means, I wrote it in my phone when I was stoned and that was the title I gave it :/

Thanks for the feed bro, the 'seen' bit I think is basically because I speak my poetry into writing. It's my language syntax, I usually don't include those 'pre-words' unless i'm making effort to speak more correctly. You'd have to hear me talk to understand haha.

[P. Mortuus]

Ah Okay I should have realised lol...nah many people say seen here....like "I seen that video".

[Spoken Deity]

Being in an artistic part of northwest (usa), Im super into spoken word...Which this drop would be dope as.
You remind me of Meggie Estep whos a dope poet I found the "Outlawed Bible of American Poetry..."
You have solid content and devices to make this work... There is nothing to improve. The emotion, imagery, explainations, and sentence structure all worked well. This deserves to be the Hall of Fame. Dope as shit drop

[Rah Gwahn]

Thanks man, appreciate feed.

Buuuuump!?