the other woman

[Jamhuri]

you cant compete with her
'cause i like her,
and unlike her, complete you are.
a finished piece, finite.

I rub her, at will, and reposition her.
a perfect blend of intellect and ignorance.
her perfectness intricate enough
to make me laugh about my impotence

she blows my mind
with those lips that speak my silent languages.
when my heart's violent she lies calm, under my arm,
her weightless head rests over my heart
she understands the vibrant sullenness
in it. It soothes my hurt conditions.

when i need you i need her more.
after your kiss i need a moment
with her. An urge to rub that magic lamp and bring her out;
the other woman i dream about.

You cant be shelved with her.
selfish, it may make
you, but i swore myself to her
She's a part of me, the me you say you love.


''Art is a jealous mistress..''

[Jamhuri]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ed-375132.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ld-375268.html

[Spoken Deity]

this was actually pretty interesting...i liked the twist...
What I'd work on your word choices and your played images with the wife/whatever. Things like this have been done alot (except the twist at the end maybe) so its hard to not have used imagery.
Also, come a bit more clear, dont sacrifice sentence structure for your imagery or rhyme unless it really gels well and thats your style.
This wasnt bad, it just needs to be polished.

[Jamhuri]

Thanks. I'll work on that. keep peepin

[Spoken Deity]

return the favor, hit a link in my sig