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Thread: God is Dead

  1. #1
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    God is Dead



    God is Dead” –Nietzsche
    What does life cry
    when my heart is mapped
    on walls?
    Letters bold, like the statement,
    screaming for the recognition of
    it’s truth.
    The sorrows and burdens of existence
    come alive breathing a rancid breath
    when my petty, limited life is
    matched with that of God’s;
    Dead…

    But hearing these words,
    seeking a moment in my mind
    to inscribe and revolutionize my thinking
    of the great I AM,
    Has seeped through my defenses,
    Flowing forth into depths I didn’t know.
    This truth is one with me…

    To truly believe we killed a deity
    is more than a mighty feat of men.
    Almost laughable,
    yet I sting with the needles of
    insanity, hoping to find another road,
    one walked by the those that
    skip over cracks with faith.

    Will this ally lead me to death,
    a hollow heart and a shattered mind,
    hoping my smile isn’t an obvious lie?
    Will I fall into abyss? Where no
    light can find my now narrowed opinion?

    Or will truth’s whisper muffle the screams
    of my soul's impending extinction?

    Reminding me that God lives on,

    the sun shedding light upon the strokes
    of his canvas, man’s love speaking of
    the sacrifice of his own blood spilled,
    society's hate writing out the misery
    without a case for existence…

    What does life cry
    when my heart is mapped
    on walls?
    Letters melt away, showing the
    truth that God’s eye seek to destroy
    opposition, defending viciously the
    mindless drones he holds to his flock…

    And Nietzsche was within his gaze.
    Alive and well is I AM,
    this wall lies...

    Nietzsche is Dead” –God
    Last edited by Spoken Deity; September 28th, 2008 at 07:40 PM

  2. #2

  3. #3
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    Re: God is Dead

    Very nice piece, can't believe I am the first to leave feedback and you posted this 11 hours ago

    Anyway....

    Structure and form was on, there was meaning behind the piece that you expressed through the writing style and also the image, that fits perfectly with the words used in the piece. Imagery was very good an and your vocab and language, made the piece that much better for the reader

  4. #4
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    like I said before... this thing was beautiful as fuck, everything just clashed well together for me and molded itself perfectly... from beginning to end I enjoyed the read... I like how the concept is so misdirecting until the end, then you're like... oh shit... I already commented to this in IE... so you know what I thought....



    - Cry

  5. #5
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    28 looks eh?
    Fuck yalls... hit this

  6. #6
    fLAMEDUBBALLERGATZ
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    Re: God is Dead

    I forget if I actually voted on your battle or if I said this in the yet-to-be-published mag, but I thought this was an amazing work. The topic is EXTREMELY broad, and EXTREMELY overdone, but you wrote a suitably epic poem with sweeping and wonderful language. My only criticism is that sometimes you OVERdid it a little bit in terms of how grandiose the poem is, but that's a small criticism in the face of its strengths: great language, very strong emotion, a message that shines through. This is basically a complete package. If it hadnt been nominated for HOF already I would do so in a heartbeat.

    Hit up mine and Martyr's poem that will be posted soon.

  7. #7
    chillin villian David P's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    Wow, this was an amazingly nice scripture to read,
    i loved the way you took the played topic and wrote
    an outstanding poem, with some of the best vocab i've
    seen so far, plus the emotion and the message that you
    were able to send across while writing was all just beautiful
    in a sense of creativity, truly a best must read poem.
    keep writing.
    .The Refugees.

  8. #8
    Newbie Jovial's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    I only quoted because I didn't realize you could scroll down =\ to reread the poem. I just wanted an accurate analysis.

    I really did enjoy this piece. I like your style. Very abstract. I thought this poem was a contemplation over the existance of God. (or so that is what I grasped). The format of your piece made it easy to follow and read.

    The best section, in my opinion, is:
    "To truly believe we killed a deity
    is more than a mighty feat of men.
    Almost laughable,
    yet I sting with the needles of
    insanity, hoping to find another road,
    one walked by the those that
    skip over cracks with faith."

    I love "I sting with the needles of insanity" what a great sensory to convey such feelings of desperation to unravel the truth.

    "the sun shedding light upon the strokes
    of his canvas, man’s love speaking of
    the sacrifice of his own blood spilled,
    society's hate writing out the misery
    without a case for existence… "

    I love the contrast you build between pro God and non existance. You tell your audience your belief that each day brings new light and paints out a picture of each of our own lives supporting God, however, veiling over this beauty is a world full of hate going against such a belief of an omni benevolent & omnipotent being. Which would in turn make God nonexsistant.

    Atleast thats what I got. Overall, wonderful piece. I enjoyed reading it.

  9. #9
    The Fallen Lestat's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    I read this awhile back, really good piece here mate. You had a very beautiful twist on the whole thing -- will the guy saying god is dead and then in the end god saying the guy is dead. Amazing concept man. Your wording was real well put, and I found some very unique imagery here and there. Loved the read, keep it up.
    Watch as I Vanish.

  10. #10
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    wuv you

  11. #11
    Wordbenders Jawn Raw's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    I've been thinking of feeding this for awhile now since you first dropped this. I've already read it and I just read it again. I really liked this and i agree with the others totally on nominating this for a hall of fame. the imagery was so nice and the descriptions you used were well thought through. the word choice was very clever and just an overall really creative piece and i enjoyed it. nice job, this is def my favorite piece from you as of now.

    rtf
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...69#post6603669

  12. #12
    Get Touched abiona's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    your opening three lines were beautiful.

    set up the rest of the piece wonderfully. i'm usually not a fan of so many questions in poems... unless it is done well... and you accomplished that here.

    the sun shedding light upon the strokes
    of his canvas, man’s love speaking of
    the sacrifice of his own blood spilled,
    society's hate writing out the misery
    without a case for existence…
    that was a beautiful stanza. the mixture of the gentle vibe of sun shedding light... mixed with the misery and spilled blood... set up a nice contrast.

    yeah i dont have much else to say. structure was on point. language was on point. niceness all around.

  13. #13
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    uppin

  14. #14
    Blind is state of Mind. Braille's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    this was pretty fucking good...i usually don't like reading poetry on here because it's so generic and bland...but this was really entertaining...i don't know if this was intended or not...but i really felt a personal struggle...like...if that's part of what you were conveying...i felt it...deep deep down...almost as if you convinced me of something....but...asside from that....the writing was great, you used metaphors/similies really well...better then a lot of the people i've seen here in a while...i'm not much of a poetry person...so it's hard for me to give you the feedback you definately deserve..but..i know what's good.and what isn't...and this is very good.
    H.ence
    O.
    F.orward



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    I remember when Braille first appeared on the scene, we were all kids and we were in awe of the greying beard and wisdom.

  15. #15
    Its Fun To Do Bad Things Lammy's Avatar
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    Re: God is Dead

    you described emotion well through out this piece. I enjoyed your imagery as well as the feeling of poignant agony ..

    thank you for the read.

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