Magnets In My Skull

[Alphaeus]

'Magnets In My Skull'
by Stock

With a push and a pull,
Of the magnets in my skull
The weak ambers,
Sat-alights higher above me
Above me!

The race with get through my six piece radiation
The race with get through my six piece radiation
Silence, Silence

Spider sting and the sweat,
Sparks trigger of thoughts in my brain.
Like the message between friends,
Soon this town will be in flames!

The race with get through my six piece radiation
The race with get through my radiation, radiation

I think I got the signal right,
That disaster is about to occur.
Yes Sir, Yes Sir,
I’ll now go on your count.

I think I read the signs right,
I think I got them right.
I got it, I’m ready,
To fight, this town tonight

[Alphaeus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...dj-376905.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-377792.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ce-377801.html

[Spoken Deity]

This was very different from what you usually read on RB. The repetition was really good and helo create well balanced and easy moving poem. The narration was creative as well.
However, I felt like you failed to really show what was really happening. You had some abstract ideas that really gave nothing to the 'story' or whatever. Bits of imagery with no cash value.

Spider sting and the sweat,
Sparks trigger of thoughts in my brain.
Like the message between friends,

I'm all about abstract, but i havent a clue what this is saying....
So the abstractness doesnt fit will with the strange, creep narrative feel of the piece.
It wasnt bad, it just needs to be fine tuned.
Hit my sig