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Thread: Just Another Runaway Idealist

  1. #1
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Just Another Runaway Idealist

    Just Another Runaway Idealist

    My eyes shine when beauty
    whispers through the star
    struck blanket of night.
    Ancient voices of the oppressed,
    the downtrodden, revolutionaries,
    mystics, the enlightened;
    all saying that dreams can be grasped.
    That this generation, now washed
    out to sea, sinking as titan waves
    strike its side, can be saved
    from plunging into the abyss;
    where lay other broken ships.

    I will dance to another drum,
    a rhythm of love and peace.
    I will speak out… be heard…
    Bleed until there is nothing left
    because their beat
    will never be as loud as my
    final breath.

    Or…

    Will I fear the night?
    Will darkness cover my eyes and
    Will this blanket strangle and choke?
    Maybe Poseidon’s grip was just to strong
    and the currents of time will wash me out.
    The great voices have been muffled,
    throats slit by the winners in history;
    those that script what we know.
    We are slaves to their tune,
    chained by their ideologies of truth.
    Forced to dance on cracked and bleeding feet
    and bow on broken knees.
    The surfs of an iron fisted deity.

    My soap box is in the coffee shop,
    a philosopher with no real outlet or opinions
    because the opposite of faith is fear.
    I’m a godless man I guess...

    Just another dead idealist,
    hoping to be carved in stone so
    my children can see my spirit lives on.
    But that marble is cracked concrete;
    shattered by the sledgehammer of
    greater minds than I.

    But I’ll always remember when I
    stared at the stars and cried
    because I was spoken to by
    dreams of the night.

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  3. #3
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    Re: Just Another Runaway Idealist

    WTF?....damn spoken....I'm almost jealous that I couldn't have thought of this and wrote it down....I've never seen you work so welll with Imagery.
    It wasn't unusual to your writing....just great freakin job!!!.

    My soap box is in the coffee shop,
    a philosopher with no real outlet or opinions
    because the opposite of faith is fear.
    I’m a godless man I guess...

    These lines had that spoken word vibe...I'ma sucka for rhythms like these...great poetic tone man.

    Then you kept that train of thought alive in the next stanza.

    Just another dead idealist,
    hoping to be carved in stone so
    my children can see my spirit lives on.
    But that marble is cracked concrete;
    shattered by the sledgehammer of
    greater minds than I.


    The dead idealist thing was very thought-provoking man....this was a very inspiring read....and theres really no technical flaws...great story here.
    Theres more quotables but I'll save some for other feeders.

  4. #4
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Rein Ryder's Avatar
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    Re: Just Another Runaway Idealist

    this again another great piece,
    by far this was my favourite line:
    Maybe Poseidon’s grip was just to strong
    and the currents of time will wash me out.

    it just flowed right into the next line,
    it was undescribable,
    but i didnt clearly comprehend the begining fully but after a bit it flowed and grasped by attention.
    like always keep it up,

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  5. #5
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Just Another Runaway Idealist

    upping

  6. #6
    You've Earned a Custom Title! UnderOath's Avatar
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    Re: Just Another Runaway Idealist

    I havent been here for to long but I'm liking what I have read thus far. I thought that this was a great piece and the content was very nice. I liked how it all just came together.

  7. #7
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Just Another Runaway Idealist

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ft-382765.html
    ^^there ya go bro...





    this was actually a pretty dope read... I enjoyed the dead idealist portion of it, that was pretty sick words there... they hit home as far as what you were talking about... the Poseidon meta was pretty nifty too, I liked that part... dunno, this piece was just littered with little nice concepts like that... an enjoyable read and really, I think, up-front with everything you were trying to say... JUST ANOTHER IDEALIST... who cares, right? lol... stay up my man...


    we should work something out together...
    get at me...

  8. #8
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    Re: Just Another Runaway Idealist

    I have no idea why I haven't read this piece yet. I know that I was planning on it for sure. I have to apologize not hitting this up sooner! The detail and imagery that you weaved throughout the first line was very nice. From there I was hooked completely and couldn't stop reading. Just the vision that I received from the first stanza was pretty captivating. To me the second stanza had the most impact in the poem. i feel like the words were perfect and it it was just like yank on my shirt as much as you want but you wont pull me down. Then the third stanza started off a little slow like for me like you were building up. The when I got to [The great voices have been muffled etc.] i knew that it found the peak that it needed to be at! I was like holy crap so much truth and just the wording was so nice. I thought that the philosopher line was just sick and the content behind it was nice. I feel that you ended this nicely! I loved reading this and its probably the poem of the day for me. The original concepts mixed with the imagery and detail were just amazing! I loved it

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