The Candle

[Ebolorama]

There exists
a very specific moment,
after a candle has been blown out
but before the final ember ceases
to glow,

during which it releases
a stream of drab and acrid smoke
that wraps itself in fine, pale tongues
around some invisible mold
suspended in the atmosphere,

liberating the imagination
to interpret its unpredictable form

until the wick, exhausted and spent,
burns out, leaving nothing
save a stiff and lifeless shell

that stands
like a miniscule charcoal crane
in a translucent pool of wax
about to cool and harden
into the opaque boundary
of a fixed and definite shape.

[Ebolorama]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...my-382427.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nk-382921.html

[Barcotic]

This was a decent little piece.. Not quite sure how you come up wit these topics tho, lol.. *Scratches head*

liberating the imagination
to interpret its unpredictable form

until the wick, exhausted and spent,
burns out, leaving nothing
save a stiff and lifeless shell
^Cool shit..

Now I myself prolly wolda never dropped anything about a candle goin out but hey.. 4 the topic you chose, it was very deep n well done.. Didn't know so much could be said about a candle..

Hit this up..
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...vs-382932.html

[Barcotic]

^Hit it up my nukka.. lol

[Ebolorama]

thanks up

[David P]

This was a well written piece,
very detailed and imagery was nice.
to me- it seemed like you felt like writing
and wanted to take something simple
and make a complexed poem about it,
overall it was a good piece. keep writing.

[Jamhuri]

the idea was simple, and in my opinion you executed it pretty well, actually injecting some form of depth to it, and it did got me thinking.
I loved how the poem develops from the flame, to the glow, to the smoke, then the silent wax. Cycles of momentum.

[Vincent Maestro]

This is one of the better pieces I've think I've read from you.....this was alot more subtle poetically imo....You didn;t try to overdo it with rhymescheme or wording or anything like that,,,,,Very very cool topic also.


during which it releases
a stream of drab and acrid smoke
that wraps itself in fine, pale tongues
around some invisible mold
suspended in the atmosphere

Seemed like some romantic prose....like something for a chick or something like...candlelight dinner or some Valentines day type stuff....

Dug it.

[Blayde]

Nice personification, the extended metaphor was cool, I also liked the transition from burning to extinguished to smoke and then to wax. Overall this was a cool, well written piece, Havn't read much from you but I hope to soon. 8-10

[Spoken Deity]

this feed will be short but...
FUCKING AWESOME.
you painted an image in my head man... Something so small, shown so well. Like, you captured it. This was deep, emotional, and yet SO simple. The wordchoice was perfect, sentence structure was perfect, everything is perfect.
I'll nom this my friend simple because I feel that this was did everything it was supposed to...explain the candle.

[Ebolorama]

Thanks for all the feedback guys! I really appreciate it.

[Spoken Deity]

rtf!!!! haha

[Alphaeus]

I agree with Spoken here. Your piece was not to long and packed with description.
With painted a perfect image with your word choice and structure.
Nice image to, that supported your writing a lot.
The image went perfect with the tone of the piece

Enjoyable read

[Ebolorama]

thanks for the feedback...

[Soul Slayer]

This was a great little read mayne... It painted a vivid picture in my head and had some very witty lines... I can't really see where it lacked but for a short piece this was a brilliant read.... Keep writing. Try something of a story coz you have mastered this bit