dorian gray.

[Orc]

Read on,
my much-less-gentlemen,
this alarm is set
to explode into shards
of gruesome memories all
flesh and bone -
like a fragmentation grenade.
scan my features:
there's no release from perfection.
my vice-like grip on
vanity whispers words
of wisdom into a wisened ear.
my personal barcode
is 12345drink12345.
sober as an Irishman,
I watch even
my reality check bounce.

I love me. Not you.

I'm hanging myself
right here for all to see;
a modern day Dorian Gray,
martyr for the cause.
a revelation occurs within
my airs and graces.
knuckles bone white beneath my
whiskey nose,
I smirk; causing narcissus
to blush at my vanity.
Held captive by wire
as sharp as my tongue,
I can't escape the path I chose.
almanacked forever,
arrogance is a well-trodden path.
your creation forms cysts
on the face of humanity like cancers.

You made me what I am.

[Orc]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-383780.html

[Spoken Deity]

Dont bitch to me when you arent following rules either...
I'm not going to be a dick and close this though.
Get another link up please

[Orc]

i will, like I always do.

[Orc]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...em-381626.html

[Spoken Deity]

this was trash... Your imagery was all off, your concepts were played and I think half of it was a bite...
Joking...This was a fun read. It had a really interesting narrative tone that just kept me glued. you had some really original imagery in here that was just gold. Your use of metaphors and similes just make the imagery so intelligent and in some ways, sexy. Some might say certain concepts and imagery used didnt fit the piece, but I think thats the beauty of it. It did fit the piece! It made the piece in fact.
The overall direction was interesting and original too... That helped make it fun to read.

In the end, I think this is awesome. It doesnt fit into the RB style of poetry but honestly, that makes this piece better. The fact that you dont confrom to RBs style makes it that much better of a read. Love it dude!

[Orc]

hey thanks for the feed mate. nom it if you think it's awesome!
jk.



or am i.













yeah, i am.

[Spoken Deity]

i planned on it... fucker

[Dayvid Aimz]

Held captive by wire
as sharp as my tongue,
I can't escape the path I chose.
almanacked forever,
arrogance is a well-trodden path.
your creation forms cysts
on the face of humanity like cancers.

You made me what I am.

Really liked this...kinda like a discourse on vanity, arrogance, vainglory and your experiences with it....It was kinda like you were the hero of pride and arrogant behavior which was very cool.


vanity whispers words
of wisdom into a wisened ear.
my personal barcode
is 12345drink12345.
sober as an Irishman,
I watch even
my reality check bounce

Liked the humour you injected to this also....good job.

[Orc]

appreciated mate.

[Ace of Aces]

job well done.
All the themes of the piece were not only well entwined but you brought them together in such a fashion that they made for an overall more concentrated tone. They highlighted the areas worth focusing on. The two lines separate from the stanzas did a great job holding the piece together and ending the piece at the exact moment that it should. Clever lines most always make an amusing read.

Keep it up.

peACE

[Orc]

THANKS.

whoa, cap attack.

[Ebolorama]

I think that this was a really good piece. I love the simplicity of it and how everything was just right there. I'm not sure if I agree with Spoken on the style of poetry that RB has but this was def a good drop

[Orc]

thanks.

[Alphaeus]

I liked this brother Tj, I thought it was dope actually.
I liked the way the piece started and it was nice and easy to get interested in and had a nice flow. Really enjoyed your vocab and the way you where writing the piece.
What I really enjoyed was your fantastic imagery towards the end of the first stanza

scan my features:
there's no release from perfection.
my vice-like grip on
vanity whispers words
of wisdom into a wisened ear.
my personal barcode
is 12345drink12345.
sober as an Irishman,
I watch even
my reality check bounce.

It was just great because it was so easy and the read was smooth and had a great flow.
Perfect imagery and a nice topic, great stuff and get’s a nom from me.