Put Down The Guns

[Arkiem]

This is an outro thats supposed to go on one of my freinds album. It refers to the gun violence with the youths that went on before all this knife crime took over. Looking for Feedback on this one. Let me know what you all think of this.

Put Down The Guns

It’s time, to talk the talk
Whatever way Were gonna walk the walk
Cos for sure, tell em whats goin’ on
Crazy shit in the streets Kids using guns

Too much guns, Kicking of on the block
For what, Kids walking around like their hard knocks
It’s a shock, things has to stop
Tell the youths of today Da streets getting’ hot
Teenagers on rampage Kids getting shot
I feel sorry for the mums Who live on the block
Kids get dropped, And their world gets rocked
If u fear for their lives the shits gotta stop
Another miniute another second and every hour
there'll be a shower and things will get sour
fighting for power, then to withering like a flower
statistic of kids dieing, is getting higher
put down the guns, time to have some fun
enjoy your life so you can live to a ton
try to gain respect and to teach your son
its got to be done, time to put down the gun

Put it down u’ll,
Put it down I'm out


feed link 1:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ne-387777.html

feed link 2:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ll-387370.html

[KharNivore]

5. Leave two links to pieces you've replied to, within 24 hours of posting your thread
You can only use a link once
The links must be to proper feedback given in the last 48 hours

[Arkiem]

new updated version of this feed verse a bit longer.

[Que-C]

you used a few rhymes like stop and block a couple times, the vocab is jus too dull, and the flow is too simple, live to a ton dont make sense, its too much of a stretch, "too many guns" not "too much guns." "statistics" not "statistic". its not powerfull enough, its generic, especially for an outro homie, and an album thats gonna be put together, shits the last thing they hear on your friends shit, its gotta be HARD hittin.

i feel your direction, word as bond, but thats not enough. make sure every line is perfect, and not jus rhymes. i'm not braggin but look at my "bad" shit you dont gotta give feed but youll see every line is unique or the sequence of lines are unique. stay up, 1.

[Arkiem]

I hear u bro thanks for the feed