Of Tungsten and Swallowed Tongue

[Ebolorama]

Of Tungsten and Swallowed Tongue
by Ebolorama

- - -
 
sensing sickness,
it's a scent
infernal breath – acrid,
captured in the nostrils.
 
it's a look
inside the eyes,
a snapping, famished ocelot
limb in a trap
reluctant to gnaw.
 
roses and red-winged blackbirds –
your expectoration in the snow,
no angel left behind –
just a depression,
a cavity that seemed to howl with the wind –
vibrate the windows, sore with hoarfrost,
with its threadbare threnody.
 
I knew you were dying.
 
pink winter skin
sinking in the sallow shallows.
a descending flame,
a naked bulb dangling –
all moth wing and rustle of tungsten;
incandescent, if only for a second,
then static and slow fade
into pin dot.
 
I was just a passive participant
watching the seizure shake wake the dream.
in my mind I slowed it down to time lapse.
almost frozen frames,
corners gilded brilliant –
elegant compression.
a flip book dance,
a waltz nearing palsy.
 
then the hyenas came,
that day you swallowed your tongue,
taking the unspoken wish and secret with it;
snaking back towards the heart
which it neatly resembled.
 
manic, circling hyaenidae,
they sensed death unraveling inside of you.
hungry, laughing eyes moving all over you,
helium yips –
sick and parasitic;
quick to invade the open wounds,
exploit the softness.
eager to tear into you –
turn you inside out,
see the obscene darkness glisten,
let the disease sting air – everything that breathes it.
 
I watched this snuff film
from a numbed distance –
crippled and catatonic,
with gaped eye and gutted heart.
 
I watched,
never once covering my burning eyes,
as they tried to find themselves
somewhere deep inside of you
and I knew you were dying in there – alone.
 
your guardian angel
just the shadow of a moth
too close to the flame.  

[Ebolorama]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...mr-387386.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ow-387439.html

[Alphaeus]

This was nice brother....loved your story.
Your imagery and description is always real nice, my brother.

pink winter skin
sinking in the sallow shallows.
a descending flame,
a naked bulb dangling –
all moth wing and rustle of tungsten;
incandescent, if only for a second,
then static and slow fade
into pin dot.

This bit was amazing, such great descriptive elements and great wording, vocab.
It really hit home for where this piece was going...
Structure was nice in this poem, it was a smooth read and went nice from start to finish.
You truly are a great poet Ebo,
improving with every piece you write but there is little improvement left to be made.

[Orc]

this was the best thing i've ever read from you. you're elevating really really quickly which is dope, mate. yea, the wording inn this was impeccable. the imagery was too, you described things really vividly without using any clichés. i liked the whole concept, doesn't tungsten happen when you're in a coma? if so, my interpretations of the poem are correct. it also had a really nice natural rhythm to it. so yea, overall a great poem. i usually don't do this - but, nom'd.

[Ebolorama]

Thank you very much for the feed guys

[Ebolorama]

up for feedback

[Foreshadow]

This was very nice! I felt that you did an amazing job with your description and the detail of your words. I felt like you phrase different then any of the other poets on the board. This was simply great!

I was just a passive participant
watching the seizure shake wake the dream.
in my mind I slowed it down to time lapse.
almost frozen frames,
corners gilded brilliant –
elegant compression.
a flip book dance,
a waltz nearing palsy.

[Ebolorama]

Thanks fore! give me a bump