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Thread: Love and War (XCIII and V)

  1. #1
    Soule
    Guest

    Love and War (XCIII and V)

    Love & War

    Verse One - V
    Verse Two - XCIII




    If I understood the future,
    I’d have remained indoors.
    It never rains, still it pours,
    tonight it’s all for you.
    The droplets of my heart,
    settle on the ground
    leaving a trail.
    A treasure planet,
    with a reward eternal.
    That gift is you,
    a chance to see
    your face in whatever state.
    If it shall retire,
    in my mind I shall record
    the twinkle in your eye.
    All those lifetimes ago,
    if I knew what would unfold!
    Your hand would...
    never have vacated mine.
    Eternally yours.
    My love eternal,
    it's etched against.
    My heart-
    portrayed?
    Beside it, your name,
    with the arrow cueing
    a north east direction.
    The same arrow that mimics
    the anguish in my chest each morning!
    The ache of my heart,
    an exertion to pump the blood.
    To welcome another day in absence,
    eyes exposed to the light.
    I will never again,
    touch your face.
    I am cursed by the worst ailment,
    known to man
    love
    outside it’s raining.
    A baptism to a tomorrow
    in gloom.

    I walked the valley of death,
    buried under lightening storms.
    Startled by the simple thought,
    that maybe you've left me.
    Torn by the discretion inside,
    the stress caused by anxiety!
    Day dreaming of a happy place,
    to empty this sorrow in my side.
    A thorn stuck with skin and bone
    but god knows I'm not Jesus.
    This journey is cold and too long,
    with gravity pushing against me.
    Like chains pulling on my ankles,
    and death won't even let me go.
    Hostage of my own emotions,
    with nobody left to watch over.
    I would wait for you to come,
    but I won't settle for a mirage.
    Walked the valley of death,
    just to sweat over your carcass.
    My heart is consumed,
    and I hope you don't rest in peace.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    Make sure to leave links, and I'll return the favor if the feedback isn't lame.

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    1,688
    Battle Record
    11-2

    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    V- Bro this is a lot better than what you brought to our battle in FL
    I liked the structure of your piece and it read very smoothly.
    You imagery was nice also, a big improvement in a short period of time compared with what I've seen from you previously.
    Your description was nice but you could play around a little maybe to make it a bit more vivid and really jump out at the reader, but a great piece from you.
    Favourite part,
    I am cursed by the worst ailment,
    known to man
    love
    outside it’s raining.
    A baptism to a tomorrow
    in gloom.
    XC- Well brother what can I say, keep it short and sweet...
    you did as you always do - Imagery and description was spot on from the start,
    I loved the way to open your piece, so vivid and a brilliant choice of words.
    It really set the scene for the reader and was a nice transition from V to you.
    I like where you took the piece and your ideas and language really went hand in hand
    to finish off what was a great read.
    Favourite part,
    I walked the valley of death,
    buried under lightening storms.
    Startled by the simple thought,
    that maybe you've left me.
    Torn by the discretion inside,
    the stress caused by anxiety!
    Also a nice title to whoever chose it really went with the style of the two verses.


    please RTF 'My Hawthorn' - stock & burden
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=387935

  5. #5
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    thanks, and title was my choice.

  6. #6
    victory Dan 'V's Avatar
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    1-2

    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    Thanks atmo! I rushed our battle and you brought a strong piece.
    Thanks for the feedback

  7. #7
    victory Dan 'V's Avatar
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    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    Up to the top

  8. #8
    victory Dan 'V's Avatar
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    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    up.

  9. #9
    chillin villain Lelouch's Avatar
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    Re: Love and War (XCIII and V)

    This was a great collab drop, i like how V's verse ended with
    love, and Xc's ended with hate..it was a very good twist
    and made it an enjoyable read..keep writing.
    "Four letter words or four syllable words won't make you a poet
    It will only magnify how shallow you are, and let everybody know it."
    -Gil Scott Heron.

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    .Infekted Penz.
    .Nightmares.

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