I'm not from the hood (please comment)

[JRC]

This is only my third rap so please comment on what ya think with any hints and tips

im from the uk and im not from the hood/
but that dnt mean my rapping aint good/
ive got no stories of being in a gang/
and none of my rapping contains hood or ghetto slang/
ive never touched drugs or been in trouble with the law/
and i dont even know what its like to be poor/
but that dont mean my rhymes are shit/
to be considered good you dont have to have lived in a pit/
all you other rappers talk about taking a drug/
but ive never done anything to be a thug/
were im from theres no rapping game
but that dont mean the quality beats arent the same/
now how good you are at rapping aint about from were you hail/
as long as the rhymes and beats are what you nail/
in the uk theres no east or west coast/
its all wanabe ganstas that you will here about the most/
from where i hail theres no talk of the ghetto/
and writting rap songs aint a common way to let go/
but aim going to keep up this rap and rhyming/
and i will keep working on my rapping and freestyling/
now i aint going to keep rapping about a drive by shooting/
the worst you will here from me is angry horn tooting/
im telling you now i wont be bustin no caps/
but i will still keep writting and spitting raps/
ive never touched drugs or seen any ice/
i wont be skating and you all think im too nice/
other rappers dont respect me coz ive got money and im white/
i aint no gansta and i aint lookin for a fight/
all you rhymers under-estimate me/
but ive got the skills as you can see/
you wont hear about how ive been hustling/
or about how other ganstas are hating/
now im going to tell it as it is and speak the truth/
i aint got a shiny grill or a golden tooth

[Barack Obama]

Work on multi's...your rhyme structure is plain & boring and doesn't flow very well. Rhyme more than one syllable at a time. Good concept but poorly done.

Stay up.

[verbalweaponz]

the worst you will here from me is angry horn tooting

^^you proved that wrong. lol.

aye man im just playing. this is better than the first one you dropped. it is simplistic, but you put some thought into it. Im pretty sure the UK has some "hoods" you could be from.

but on a serious tip, like i said this is way better than the last post i read. keep posting.

[Intellexual]

I'd suggest you take the same exact rhyming scheme and improve the timing/flow. If you don't have a poetic background, I wouldn't suggest you delve too heavily into rhyme schemes before you make sure to ALWAYS maintain your flow and deliver. Otherwise, I do agree with the analysis above.

Practicing with the same rhymes will allow you to maintain focus on your topic and flow without redressing the initial elements of creativity which you've accounted for.

For instance (I'll keep it short so I don't cause you to have writer's block, should that be a liability):

im from the uk and im not from the hood/
but that dnt mean my rapping aint good/
ive got no stories of being in a gang/
and none of my rapping contains hood or ghetto slang/
I'm from the UK, though out of place in the hood;
Your eyes are playin' tricks, if you would say I'm no good.
But, I couldn't keep it this real, I was reppin' a gang;
so, there's no YOin' or posin', like I spoke ghetto slang.

Do you, with that, by all means. Just make sure you take another stab at it.

[Governor]

First tip I could give you. If ur not gonna throw some punch's & just gonna rap on a topic. Then get a topic (preferably 1 that doesn't involve guns/drugs/etc). Write on thing's that you like, or feel strongly about. You'll be able to get tore into it, & write alot better on somethin' u feel inspired to write about. Try get some better rhyme's too. (the dude above tried to help). But it's all easy. Once you get a line. At 1st try rhyme the last two words of ur line in the next line. SO for example, if you wer rappin' about vampires or some shit.

Be like,

I'ma damn flyer, battin' wings, hoverin' over they campfire,
teeth ready, their neck gleamin', quenchin' the thirst of a vampire.

BLAH. wack, but the rhyme's are there. DAMN FLYER, CAMP FIRE,VAMPIRE. all syllable rhymes, better than just rhymin' the one word. Then you can go on to do 3 syllables etc. But sometimes the more does not mean the better. Too many multi's can ruin a piece & the content of the piece.

You won't get it straight on the 1st go. But once u start writin' about topics you enjoy & feel inspired by, i'm sure you'll end up developin' well. Need any other help, don't hesitate to drop me one.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...56#post6877656

Would appreciate if you read & commented on my piece above. Happy elevatin'