The smell of your watchstrap

[Issue]

I had lost the taste for alcohol and gained the taste for love.


If I was nineteen, I wasn't just bitter, I was biting; I was a dog.
Never just winter I was the dry stricken, stinging, stinking fog.
I was always the one inside the fire but never the burning log.
The Man who seemed preened to be a beast but never a hog.
Cunning, & so colourful; so wonderful, but as green as a frog.
Swimmin in the sod of his own groundhog days,
& pacing against the waves in a daze & a strop.
His taste was swapped for a waist so cropped.
Such a waste of a crop when his face dropped.
His legs hopped from one stop of a bedknob to one drop of head nod.
He felt on top outside; so high. Inside he sobbed but it came out dried.
Surviving on nothing if not their throbbing thighs, & their sobbing cries.
He felt supersized; so juvernized; & so un-utilized.
Beauty lies in none but our most unlikely of places;
It's disguised in faces. It is revised, but lied through graces.
It's not taste. It's not wise to waste it, but it is wild; is basic.
I didn't leap through the fog because I was a bitter, biting dog,
or worse, because it hurt to be burning black inside like a log .
Still wore the fleece of a beast that would only turn to the hog,
but I was the same running forth as I was running stray & free,
& so I set to change something before something changed me.

Her cheeks were rosey, her teeth were braced to be guarded by metal,
& she had told me her feet would choose the heart on which shed settle.
She was as hard as rose petals. She was ridiculously pure & strictly sure.
She was in me before I could sink, & swim & claw my way back to before.
I was cast by her laugh & I always came back laughing & asking for more.
She was happy acting happy & she knew she had me but had to be sure.
She outlived all of my wars & so then licked all my sores.
She couldn't live more for me as I could live all for yours.
She showed me here core built on dreams, stars & straw,
& I showed her mine,
built upon the seams of this heart of this bore; of this beast;
Of this dog left with the only breath in this fog from his voice.
I can now tell that I have stopped acting coy to show the strength of this man,
It's now all in the scent on this watchstrap, as it's gone & dropped off my hand.



J.J - Rest In Peace
Jonathon - Operation Overload

[Agony.]

Well This was a pretty good drop, The opening wasnt too good for me, Around the first 4lines to be exact, but then after that is where it picked up. The creativity was decent here i feel in some spots i felt could have been stronger. The imagery was good here, i liked the way you clearly expressed what you was trying to say and you made it clearly understandable. I liked the way you kept it simple though, although some parts had un-nesicarry fillers it still came out pretty good, So overall this wasnt the best you could do but its a well solid and thought our drop..Keep it up you slut bucket..

Favorite Lines:

Surviving on nothing if not their throbbing thighs, & their sobbing cries.
He felt supersized; so juvernized; & so un-utilized.
Beauty lies in none but our most unlikely of places;
It's disguised in faces. It is revised, but lied through graces.
It's not taste. It's not wise to waste it, but it is wild; is basic.


Dope Flow here..This was my favorite part of the whole drop because thats were it started to really open up. Nice job.

[Messiah Kaeto]

A few lines of this really jumped out at me man,

Beauty lies in none but our most unlikely of places;
It's disguised in faces. It is revised, but lied through graces.
It's not taste. It's not wise to waste it, but it is wild; is basic.

I love the imagery in those lines,a nd the flow was second to none in that exert.

Another part I really liked was:

Her cheeks were rosey, her teeth were braced to be guarded by metal,
& she had told me her feet would choose the heart on which shed settle.
She was as hard as rose petals. She was ridiculously pure & strictly sure.
She was in me before I could sink, & swim & claw my way back to before.
I was cast by her laugh & I always came back laughing & asking for more.
She was happy acting happy & she knew she had me but had to be sure.

Blinding stuff, you can sense the emotion in that part right there.

of some of the other parts I have not quoted, i felt the flow was a tad choppy, and you didn't keep the quality as high as in other places - In all honestly, the wjhole of the second verse is top drawer, i just felt that the first verse could have been better - it feels like you knew what you wanted to say, and you had the topic in mind, but maybe struggled to put it accurately in writing, until you found your flow, then it became easy for you

I loved the concept though, absolutely quality - very original, in my opinion.

I enjoyed the read, and would be down to collab sometime, if you're up for it?

peep my latest piece with Johnny 6 Feet: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...at-391708.html

Stay up man, peace & God Bless.