FL HW Champ Match: Punch Vs Compa

[Barcotic]

Check ins due Wednesday at the latest..
Verses due Friday at the latest (however, I say fuck Friday, lol)....

[Barcotic]

10....

[..Compa..]

word lol

Check! g/luck man

[..Compa..]

homeless cunt, should I kick what ya wear or send Socks to give
'cuz I'll chew MIKE and ike's then spit you back at the.. sweet box you live!
I MTV with ya dad's spouse, she loved to swallow with her made mouth..
..that's how I Pop in this shit, n' ya mom's not only BARfed but you came out
bar girl's a slut,
n' relationships are shakey at time's prick, rest your head..
'cuz if YOU feel a landside near by.. that's me rocking her bed
NME,Barcotic,Skills, n' now Barbarism, fuck outta here with those names
mayne you always say that's "noob-ish" well what your doing is most LAME
bar won't win, n' retard said he was gonna make FL mag, but where, is him!?
damn liar KICKING IT in the LLL so much.. he came back with his legs missing

[Barcotic]

..Keyed this in like 10 minutes, right after I set this battle up, lol..

I spar fire, I'm a hard rider wrappin you in barbed wire,
my axle take your head off
..then I'll attatch it to my car tire..
I'll also kill your girl and dispose of both bodies the G way,
put yours in a bag, Packers in too
..then drop you in Green Bay..
Or step in my jungle but try to retreat before I fire the heat,
..cuz the bangel leave your body lifeless for the tigers to eat..
So why battle newbs? you should make it less permanent,
with so many rooks on your win list
..it could host a chess tournament..
LOL, I feel bad now, he can't win and he knows this,
..I just cut the C so much I'm competition for Moses..

[..Compa..]

[Sting3r]

compa - After reading your verse before hitting the reply button, I figured i'd try my best to give you positive feed back, seeing as you were dedicated enough to make it this far in the rankings. So bare with the feed back..

homeless cunt, should I kick what ya wear or send Socks to give
'cuz I'll chew MIKE and ike's then spit you back at the.. sweet box you live!

First off, Your first line is a question, not a statement. so for you to start the next line with "cause" makes absolutely no sense. Not to be over critical about the grammar, but that's a major part in delivering a line, your wording needs to make sense FIRST. secondly, you're using a broken lame flip. Yeah, his name's mike.. and the concept is centered around "mike & Ike's" candies.. but the IKE part has absolutely no relevance to the punch, other than to make that concept connect. It's partially wording trouble, and partially bad conceptual. And baring all of that, the punch "sweet box you live" isn't very harsh. Weather you're saying he lives in a box, or a sheltered life.. which ever interpretation is the correct one, this line isn't harsh enough, and lacks a concept + punch.

I MTV with ya dad's spouse, she loved to swallow with her made mouth..
..that's how I Pop in this shit, n' ya mom's not only BARfed but you came out

Bit of a sad multi to start . dad's spouse, made mouth.. it'd sound nicer if all syllables matched up in the opening line. "made mouth" really makes no sense btw.. lol. Alsom BAR-FED.. is a really forced name flip. you're trying to make barfed connect the punch via name flip.. but it's broken and doesn't work. Secondly.. saying that his mom barfed him out would never be a harsh diss.. you need to be far more creative than this, and try to incorporate COOL CREATIVE punches, that are HARSH.. DISSSSSS him. don't try to over complicate things.. make his feel bad.. or play to the voters humor.. people love gay jokes.. female jokes.. creative you're the worst.. jokes. ect...

bar girl's a slut,
n' relationships are shakey at time's prick, rest your head..
'cuz if YOU feel a landside near by.. that's me rocking her bed

there's no reason to say "land slide" near by. that's not relevant at all, other than for you to be able to lead in, then say rocking her bed. This is your most hard hitting line so far, but it's simply stated, and the wording needs work.

NME,Barcotic,Skills, n' now Barbarism, fuck outta here with those names
mayne you always say that's "noob-ish" well what your doing is most LAME

This bar isn't too bad. You at least worded this decent with the word play. of coarse, I don't really like the word play, just preference, and the fact that it's too simple, and the suffix "ish" used to replace "shit", has been used and played out for a LONG time.

bar won't win, n' retard said he was gonna make FL mag, but where, is him!?
damn liar KICKING IT in the LLL so much.. he came back with his legs missing

here's the problem with your concept. "kicking it" doesn't truly imply, in ANY way, that he could lose his legs. And saying that he spends a lot of time in the LLL, would never be harsh, that's a compliment. you just didn't do a good job with the flip you incorporated, and the punch wasn't harsh.

Vs.

I spar fire, I'm a hard rider wrappin you in barbed wire,
my axle take your head off
..then I'll attatch it to my car tire..

Axle/ axe'll is fairly simple.. but it's a decent line. Smooth and nicely worded. violence punch works pretty decent here

I'll also kill your girl and dispose of both bodies the G way,
put yours in a bag, Packers in too
..then drop you in Green Bay..

fulllll concept. Packed the green bay shit into the whole damn bar. It's creative.. not the most hard hitting, but it's decent.

Or step in my jungle but try to retreat before I fire the heat,
..cuz the bangel leave your body lifeless for the tigers to eat..

another sports line, how dare you.. turn off espn when you write bars.. lmao. Also, another will/i'll - suffix.. blah

So why battle newbs? you should make it less permanent,
with so many rooks on your win list
..it could host a chess tournament..

I like the wording, but you know as well as I do, that the rooks flip's been done many a time over. good personal incorporated in tho.

LOL, I feel bad now, he can't win and he knows this,
..I just cut the C so much I'm competition for Moses..

Don't push me bar.. I've had long day, i don't need to read shit like this.. it needs a censer!!!!

Compa: to be blunt, your verse was amateur. I hope I gave enough applicable feed back to allow you to elevate a bit. You had too many forced concepts that weren't hard hitting. IF you can use my criticism for the better, than cool. But from what I've been told, you've been battling toooo many noobs. That will NEVER help you elevate. battle the tough opponents, take your losses and learn from it. A record attached to your post bit means absolutely nothing in the eyes of those that know better.. g/l

fav lines:

NME,Barcotic,Skills, n' now Barbarism, fuck outta here with those names
mayne you always say that's "noob-ish" well what your doing is most LAME

your best use of wording and Wordplay, and punch in this battle.


Bar: I'm not going to give you any real feed back.. this isn't the LLL, so it's not like this verse is worth criticizing.. but seriously.. you give enough sports lines to fill a foot ball field.. OH SNAP

fav lines:

I spar fire, I'm a hard rider wrappin you in barbed wire,
my axle take your head off
..then I'll attatch it to my car tire..

Over all// Again, not what a champ match should ever look like. But this is the FL.. who cares.


v/ bar, long shottt

[..Compa..]

loving the feed josh propz, this will help me alot

[Barcotic]

Nice broken down vote, that's what i like to see....

[Barcotic]

*UNsticks this thread cuz for some reason I think it'll get more votes* lol....

[Notez]

^^^^^^^*was right*

homeless cunt, should I kick what ya wear or send Socks to give
'cuz I'll chew MIKE and ike's then spit you back at the.. sweet box you live!
WP was worded wrong u imply he live somewhere sweet...
I MTV with ya dad's spouse, she loved to swallow with her made mouth..
..that's how I Pop in this shit, n' ya mom's not only BARfed but you came out
not really hard hittin
bar girl's a slut,
n' relationships are shakey at time's prick, rest your head..
'cuz if YOU feel a landside near by.. that's me rocking her bed
not really feelin the concept but the punchies ok
NME,Barcotic,Skills, n' now Barbarism, fuck outta here with those names
mayne you always say that's "noob-ish" well what your doing is most LAME
nicest one yet
bar won't win, n' retard said he was gonna make FL mag, but where, is him!?
damn liar KICKING IT in the LLL so much.. he came back with his legs missing
this wasnt that hard hitting........

overall......id would say work on incorperating better wordplay into ur punches

Vrs.

I spar fire, I'm a hard rider wrappin you in barbed wire,
my axle take your head off
..then I'll attatch it to my car tire..
nice..but axe'll is kiinda played
I'll also kill your girl and dispose of both bodies the G way,
put yours in a bag, Packers in too
..then drop you in Green Bay..
wasnt really feelin this...good concept though
Or step in my jungle but try to retreat before I fire the heat,
..cuz the bangel leave your body lifeless for the tigers to eat..
nice WP
So why battle newbs? you should make it less permanent,
with so many rooks on your win list
..it could host a chess tournament..
lawlz........
LOL, I feel bad now, he can't win and he knows this,
..I just cut the C so much I'm competition for Moses..
Ouchies.........

Overall Nice Verse.........

Vote Bar.........Better Verse

[Kontext]

LOL, I feel bad now, he can't win and he knows this,
..I just cut the C so much I'm competition for Moses..


v.s

Nothing

if you have eyes you'd see compa came whack as fuck...im not breaking down shit...

[Verbal Hologram]

homeless cunt, should I kick what ya wear or send Socks to give
'cuz I'll chew MIKE and ike's then spit you back at the.. sweet box you live!
wasn't feeling it
I MTV with ya dad's spouse, she loved to swallow with her made mouth..
..that's how I Pop in this shit, n' ya mom's not only BARfed but you came out
meh
bar girl's a slut,
n' relationships are shakey at time's prick, rest your head..
'cuz if YOU feel a landside near by.. that's me rocking her bed
meh
NME,Barcotic,Skills, n' now Barbarism, fuck outta here with those names
mayne you always say that's "noob-ish" well what your doing is most LAME
good
bar won't win, n' retard said he was gonna make FL mag, but where, is him!?
damn liar KICKING IT in the LLL so much.. he came back with his legs missing
ok attempt

Vs

I spar fire, I'm a hard rider wrappin you in barbed wire,
my axle take your head off
..then I'll attatch it to my car tire..
ok
I'll also kill your girl and dispose of both bodies the G way,
put yours in a bag, Packers in too
..then drop you in Green Bay..
meh
Or step in my jungle but try to retreat before I fire the heat,
..cuz the bangel leave your body lifeless for the tigers to eat..
not bad
So why battle newbs? you should make it less permanent,
with so many rooks on your win list
..it could host a chess tournament..
lol nice
LOL, I feel bad now, he can't win and he knows this,
..I just cut the C so much I'm competition for Moses..
ok closer

V/Bar

Both RTF

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...vs-392633.html

[..Compa..]

propz on voting everyone, and thanks for the chance bar

[Notez]

hey could u guys RTF.........didnt mean that rudely : )