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Thread: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

  1. #1
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    She's Real
    By: Cry








    Let me take this opportunity to tell everyone about somebody real, because hardly ever are REAL people talked about on here. it's always fictional characters. so this is based on a girl that I met online, she's from the same town that I am, and I have NEVER truly met her in person. I thought it'd be interesting to write about someone based on who they are BEFORE actually hanging out with the person. so this is completely off the top about what kind of person she is and some of what she does.. here we go...



    Her name is Sarah!



    She's real.. well... how can I put this?
    because now that I've looked in,
    I found that I'm lookin' at one that's beautiful minded,
    the type of girl that'll defuse an ill eye-lid,
    and few of you find this - you take it for granted,
    looking for something she should already have, and
    telling herself that his face isn't havoc,
    while her hate for him's habbit,
    it's Alice chasin' the rabbit, when he should chase her,
    instead she's smashing the hardwood face first,
    and I try to relate hurt; the pain of finding out,
    about where a baby might be found..
    but through the haze and dividing clouds, she realizes
    that what she holds is real life, it's
    her son, the real one, even she knows it's real love this time,
    she deserves more but this may be enough in life,
    lately she's touched inside.. growing confident,
    growing honest and showing loss can give,
    holding an honest kid, because that's how she'll raise him,
    her heart was once a rock, now wheels replace it,
    she'll embrace this going downhill; love always forward,
    and for him, just always four words...
    "I love you, Cohen."
    lifted in a mother's hold you know is
    safe and never homeless, she takes her tender slow kiss,
    togethered noses, butterfly kisses erupt,
    she knows under five isn't enough..
    but she won't doubt this is love, this baby is hers,
    there's no straining this curse,
    it's everlasting, he will always get her passion,
    and at this.. signs above every girl's head says [insert average].


    SHE'S SO BRAVE. YOUNG.


    and I said this to start with, she's artsy and markets
    a language so smoothe yet it's hardly her hearts width,
    scarring is far in, she's past all that now -
    and as far as good looks she's passed all that down,
    this crap all bad town gave a sound that made my head turn,
    I got to know her so well that I forgot how I met her,
    she's a child's protector, now the clouds uncurl
    because there are few like her found around the world -
    this turned out about a girl, and I respect how she feels,
    so I wrote a piece to tell..
    and project how she's real.








    quick and easy..
    peace, luv!

  2. #2
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Last edited by Cody Nash; March 10th, 2009 at 07:16 AM

  3. #3
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=391880

    hit that bitch


    anyways this was anice piece here and the fact of your statement in my defense i wrote about people who i have seen but just never knew there name so i made the names up for a eye catcher type of shit nah mean...(Thomas Penny, Jimmy Asworth, Samantha C. Hensley, Mrs. Elderight) and etc... lmfao

    -Flow: was nice it was nice to great extent nah mean. like the short then long read was cool and creative nothing wrong with it homie. the fact that you wrote on some lupe' shit was cool and the bounce in this read was real calm and what not dude. nothing rushed and such.
    -Emotion: Deeply felt homie. you had it all packed into one saying "SHE" and you wrote it to the very last drop of detail and richness dude. nice job in that though i felt you could have done a bit more clever flips in areas but still nice job.
    -Story: was nice and a great way of coming around and about played-ness so WOOT on that shit whitey.
    -Overall: loved it and the vibe and everything. the only major thing was i think you could have used more internals and trhow some random abstractiveness here and there just to make it more of aclever and surprising read instead of keeping me guessing then i know what you mean. i like it when i get it then at the end i thought wrong.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  4. #4
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    thanks dude.

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    Whatever, Fuck You HighEngineChief's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    This was dope as fuck, I loved the set-up first of all, just a look into somebody's life as seen through your perspective, sounds a little dull but you made it really stand out with great imagery and outstanding word choices. The flow was smooth yet it had a steady progression to it, the puns added color and creativity that complemented the way I envisioned the girl. The end was dope, I loved the little pause with the big bold statement, but the way you opened up the verse after it was sick,

    and I said this to start with, she's artsy and markets
    a language so smoothe yet it's hardly her hearts width,
    scarring is far in, she's past all that now -
    and as far as good looks she's passed all that down,

    ^^ This shit right here nigga lol. This shit was dope as fuck, I had a smile on my face the whole time. Keep this shit up bo.

    One

  6. #6
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    thanks bruh.. leave links all. I'll hit 'em.

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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    LOOK AT YOU

    all on ur poetry tip


    lmao this was sick man

  8. #8
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    thanks bruh.

  9. #9
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    bump

  10. #10
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: She's Real [Sarah's Piece]

    One More Bump...

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