For You, Another

[Jon]

For You, Another

Side stepping side walks
slithering statements away
corked to perfection...

The empty bottle
floats with pride in drunken seas
take a shot at me.

Find the lost one please
Along fields and in the trees
Hurt from having shields.

A haiku for you?
I'll write my favorite ones too
Choose a poem, please

For you, another - and another, for you.
Sending poems like an endless night;
love drunk at the bar, beer for years...
We'll wobble walk all the way back to
memory lane, no yellow brick roads.
This time I'll quit lion, grow the courage
to tell you the truth - no place like home.
Bucket beds do the trick for leaking eyes
don't cry yourself to sleep tonight, I
want you to dream of living the dreamy life.
And behind this weary smile I think
for miles we've come; looking in the rearview.
What an endless desert, prickly yet
dark; not bright like they might try to say.
& we've shed the used and abused skin,
slithering back to our lake of comfort.
We lay. As two spoons in a drawer,
not washed up cause she likes it dirty.
She'd shake the sphere for a Shakespeare
so I'm hung up on this poetry. Racist;
and time just flies by with the raven.
But for you, another - and another for you.

Lips grip words & spit
lakes for sank relationships
not so titanic.

We've never had that problem,
like we skipped our high school math classes.
Remember that, sorry for telling -
our little secret didn't hide behind my collar.
My mom just laughed when I lied,
I said a dog did it, but you were never a bitch.
Excuse my French, you never liked it,
except when we kissed...
& that I miss...

For you, another poem.

Here's another poem for you...

[Jon]

uppin.. leave links

[HighEngineChief]

This was pretty dope, I really liked the language and the little rhyme scheme you had - thought it got a little bothersome at times it was also consistant and added to the tone of the piece. You had some real cool metas and puns in there, the lion/lying line was an attention getter. The only real qualm I have is that the beggining stanza had no punctuation and at times it seemed like your ideas were just jumping around without any real direction, not to much of a distraction so all together this was a pretty dope piece.

http://acys.net/browse.php?u=57cefe7...tbA%3D%3D&b=13
RTF^^

[Jon]

uh i think you gave me the wrong link bro..

& it was one of those pieces i tried to add some different styles into one, a few haikus and stuff at the beginning.

but thanks for the feed, dope shit for hitting this up

[HighEngineChief]

yea, i'm using a proxy right now, here the link

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ve-392368.html

what's up with that collab, PM me.

[Spoken Deity]

damn it john... leave links.

Anyway, this was SUCH a fun read. Seriously, I was into it the entire time. The rhyme scheme, Haiku usage and stuff just made it fun. You had some really good use of metaphors and conceps that were either just deep or witty. The Wizard of OZ thing was cool in my opinion. I will say you've got to work on certain image wording. Like, some places dont add anything or really do anything except create an abstract image that doesnt make sense. However, with some wording, you'd be where you were aiming I think. Overall, this was a fun piece to read.
rtf on spekz and I's piece eh?
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ng-392208.html

[Jon]

i'll grab some links soon, i promise

[Jon]

uppin..

[Orc]

get links.. it's a week old.

(i'll feed when you do).