The Keyboard

[Token]

The Keyboard


Quiet at dusk, my mind's voice is clear
as thoughts trickle down the rafters of my mind;
they graze each level of my membrane
spark the part in which intrigues interest
and entertains my every thought with time
demanding my fingers to express them immediately
they respond to my brain's every command
my mind is a prisoner unto my keyboard
& my keyboard imprisons my images
my cerebellum decides whether it's hot or cold
or whether it's water or land
this very tool puts me in complete control
I am it's master, it meets my every request
but my thoughts possess control over it's every need
the bones of my phalanges tighten and bend
arthritis has bitten again
but my fingers aren't quitters, no they are not
so it's back to pain they go,
sculpting the masterpiece the keyboard was made for
it's soul purpose was to verbalize my genius
it was made to showcase my expertise
my master, possesses no skill without me
I am in charge of every stroke it makes
every crisp punch of the key
every swift stretch of a pinky
and every rare occurrence of backspace
we are one, identical beings intertwined
with beauty and flawless imperfections
only we, and I, can produce such amazing metaphors
similes, imagery, and vocabulary
they are all one with us
the keyboard, similes, metaphors, vocabulary, and imagery
that is I
as for creativity, yes. I'm talking about myself again
in fact, my fiction is filled with wondrous truths
but my non fiction holds extremities of manipulation
the keyboard has a mind of my own
my mind has a keyboard of it's own
& neither of them possess a space button
nothing but vowels and consonants
and an occasional mouse
that points me in the appropriate direction
my alias is the keyboard
embedded in my mind is a secret keyboard
they meet on very special occasions
& I welcome you heartily to the sequel
to experience the emotions of a keyboard
the next time my mind enslaves my fingers

[Token]

In my Mind I'm a King
I'm Sorry.

[Soule]

This was pretty fuckin' ill. Loved the wording you used, and each line flowed fluently. The overall concept is pretty damn interesting, I think I've seen a few poems or open mics done similiar.. but not quite as well put together as this was. Emotion was solid but I felt your imagery was the best part. Some real solid descriptions in this beast, keep it up man. Nominated.

[Token]

Awesome, thanks a lot man. Be sure to post links, and I'll return the feed. HOF nomination highly appreciated.

[Soule]

Checkout "Highschool" in the Open Mic, it's a collab I have with Nah and got no feedback.

[Orc]

what's up buddy? i liked this, it was ..refreshing. i mean, this is poetry in a raw form, before you begin to write like the RB poets. as for the keyboard metaphor, i thought it was cool how you came up with that simply by LOOKING at one, haha. sometimes not knowing what to write about strikes some sort of creative nerve. the lines were a bit long at times, and some imagery carried on for a little too long.. but that's to be expected you're not writing poetry long, right? this was a good read. plz rtf.

[Jon]

Good shit.

It was nice, I think I've read better though, correct me if I'm wrong. For some reason, I was expecting something outlandish and completely flawless, but of coarse you don't find those anymore. Because, this was a good piece, a solid piece that was meant for the readers to read and understand the aspects of. I think sometimes you shouldn't try to hold yourself back, and quit worring about the Hall of Fame. Man, that comes with good writing, so do your thing - and they'll show up. You had some nice meta's and similies and imagery, all that shit. Good mechanics, but next time I want to see your full ability, don't hold back. People will understand it, I'm sure only a few, but credible writers will understand it. Keep this up, we got to collab sometime. Hit me up.

Oh, I know you already fed two of my pieces... but it'd be cool if you could also hit "Leaflike"

[topher]

this topic was pretty interesting. i enjoyed reading this cause the topic was pretty creative. the piece flowed pretty smoothly to me, and nothing sounded out of place. the imagery was okay, and at times would work better during your piece. the emotion was good too and you expressed during the piece how it felt even stronger. out of all the piece as a whole seemed a little over okay. here are some parts i felt captivated my attention,

"but my thoughts possess control over it's every need
the bones of my phalanges tighten and bend
arthritis has bitten again
but my fingers aren't quitters, no they are not
so it's back to pain they go,
sculpting the masterpiece the keyboard was made for
it's soul purpose was to verbalize my genius
it was made to showcase my expertise
my master, possesses no skill without me
I am in charge of every stroke it makes
every crisp punch of the key
every swift stretch of a pinky"

"the keyboard has a mind of my own
my mind has a keyboard of it's own
& neither of them possess a space button
nothing but vowels and consonants
and an occasional mouse
that points me in the appropriate direction
my alias is the keyboard
embedded in my mind is a secret keyboard
they meet on very special occasions"

[Bloom.Quist]

Token's still around? I love old school RB heads. yummy.

[BETTER THEN U]

this is a nice little piece.it flows together well and you brought some nice little images in here but it seemed to build up and never really reach a cresendo and that kind of hurt it in its whole form.it had its ups and downs and in the end it was still good and i enjoyed the read.maybe shorten it and just use your stronger lines to make it better.

rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ms-395286.html

[Token]

Token's still around? I love old school RB heads. yummy.

haha bloomquist! i remember you, whats up man? feed my poem asshole. lol

[Token]

^^^ nominations appreciated again guys. thank you.

[Jon]

could you hit up my new piece

[Kapital J]

WoW.WHO would have thought someone could compare there mind to a keyboard. I like da fact that you didnt title it Like "This Is My Mind " or some bs like that (lol i named my newest peice My Mind so im dissin myself lol) Your title was a part of the metaphor ....NICE . But I am just fckn amazed at da fact that there are no similes in this(that i caught). It was jsut one big metaphor. Honestly i dont think i seen the word "like" in this piece.Thats a big up .I find it very difficult describe things without using the word "like". keep writing and trust me i will be checkin out ya peices more often .Nice work