User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 11 of 11

Thread: Heartbreak Freestyle

  1. #1
    You've Earned a Custom Title! Glory And Honor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    80
    Battle Record
    0-4

    Heartbreak Freestyle

    Broke up over the course of three days,
    the hardest 72 I've ever participated in,
    demonstrated hate in more than three ways,
    I could feel the love fade as she walked away,
    if we could only talk today...
    And it's like I can't feel shit anymore,
    it's like I no longer have a heart, just a core,
    sitting there, cycling blood, and nothing more...
    Logic over emotion, ignore both parts of my conscience,
    because emotion's just a product of consequence,
    everything you do is something that you choose,
    and it comes back, a reaction,
    blaming chance is nonsense....
    All my ills are of my own creation, I admit this,
    I accept that as a fact because I watched my shit get
    destroyed and toyed with, with each decision that I made,
    my teeth are still gritted to this very lonely day...

    This shit's sloppy.
    Last edited by Glory And Honor; May 4th, 2009 at 01:59 AM

  2. #2
    Cypher Alumni Sammy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Cambridge, MA
    Posts
    530
    Awards PC HOF

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    ^^what the hell?

    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

  3. #3
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    Nah I liked it... step one draft (raw emotion) draft two to theee perfection... just get it out. And it was real...

    - - - Updated - - -

    Especially public... you know?
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  4. #4

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    you're right, this is sloppy. but it is filled with raw emotion and demonstrates a skill with putting words together. you display a good use of vocabulary and the rhymes are there too. this is chalk full of internal rhymes and a decent use of multis. the imagery is abundant and lets me feel your emotion and heart ache through this ordeal. I see a plethora of potential in your writing here, you display many skills, i just think there is still room to sharpen them. Keep writing.

  5. #5
    Rumble In The Bumble.. B Bumble B's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Posts
    60

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    Broke up over the course of three days,
    the hardest 72 I've ever participated in,
    demonstrated hate in more than three ways,
    I could feel the love fade as she walked away,
    if we could only talk today...

    love this opener.. the rhyme scheme is unique and i really could relate to what you were saying here i think alot of us could actually. lots of emotion man..

    Logic over emotion, ignore both parts of my conscience,
    because emotion's just a product of consequence,

    wow. well put my friend... this bar is pure fire... 6 feet deep deep deep

    Really enjoyed this verse.. Your style and rhyme scheme is very original and fresh. it was an enjoyable read from start to finish. Keep droppin and ill keep looking out for you brotha..

    Check me out if you have some time. peace bro

  6. #6

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    Thanks for sharing this post. I am digging deep and utilizing information regarding this.
    cartridge shop promo codes

  7. #7

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    i just want say that thisPost is very nice and very informative article.I will make sure to be reading your blog more. Black Motorcycle Leather Jacket

  8. #8
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    @DixonButts I believe I was high jacked again!!!!!!! FOR WHAT??? Like what the fuck or you stupid bitches even doing?????? @frankiemc SERIOUSLY @DixonButts you better start talking cause you not gonna get away with libel and slandering me. ESPECIALLY.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Ok so MY feedback and how I relate. 3 days is my mourning period too. I have a good heart but I realized I never had a heart that even knew what love was since what ever happened when I was 14 that they put me back in day hospital cause of. I can't ever make sense of logic cause I see from so many angles as a nature. It really can be anything a lot and I hate to assume. "Everything you chose is something YOU do" and my brother gave me the choices lecture. I agree but on some level I don't always because sometimes people angle in and try to manipulate your choice. So you don't have too many options. And I know half my wrong turns was like fuck it - keep that sin too cause going to this liquor store is hardly shit compared. Shit, I'll get drunk again - so God who's choice was that? AND etc, etc, etc. I had friends that manipulated me a lot. Because I am kinda naive to that to ever think they would hate me and pretend to be my friends. I don't act like that, I didn't expect it. And also I'm very follow my heart and follow signs too. I don't logically make "decisions" often. So when I do I wrote my map to help me. That's since been lost but it's ok cause I memorized most of it.

    AND that's how I feel FEEDBACK should be - you all swear you some fucking professionals to critique and criticize someone's shit so unless you are and here to help fine. But otherwise... shut up. And where ever they STOLE that quote and context from was on one of my posts that said most mine I been throwing up are drafts. I'll go back and critique them later if there ever is a need to. I just wanted to get the concept and the moment and feeling at the time out.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Like I say a lot, there's no points in hitting a paraplegic - making the crazy girl look even crazier... cute bitch. You lucky that after snapping my pandora bracelet by accident I decided I probably shouldn't hit anyone ever again. I'd hate to kill them by accident.
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  9. #9

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    Hello, I would like to add my poem here to this freestyle topic. It's great that I found such place.

  10. #10
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    My mom said sometimes she wonders if you pay your penance on earth first so you can go to heaven. My dad started getting drunk every day and all day in December after he broke up with "wife" number 3 and wasn't eating so he gave himself a neuro disease that I can't remember the name of. He was falling all the time, broke his neck, surgery left him paralyzed in one arm and he was shaking like a parkinsons. He'd fall almost every time he'd try to go to the bathroom and was found by his CNA on the floor and rushed in with low blood pressure and infection. About a week in ICU and he was transfered to a regular room, 1 day before being transferred to a rehab he just took a turn for the worst. About a week later he wasn't hooked up to a monitor and they found him dead in his room and resuscitated him 4x not knowing how long he was dead in which left him a vegetable. He was alone mostly no matter how many times we would travel back and forth to NC but the last time I saw him he winked at me and that was 2 days before he went into cardiac arrest. He told me he was scared to die, but I guess he wasn't scared no more. And I write this because there is a writer that guns at him all the time and my mom said there was a sec he had that had an abortion. I don't think she had an abortion. I knew him best - we were as close as close can get. I prayed the whole rosary that god forgive him for his sins and let him into heaven. PS I'm glad I'm not the only one off topic.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I don't know what I'm going to do without him. He's the only person I'd tell everything to. Every time we'd speak he'd ask why no boyfriends yet. Dad, cause if it's not PERFECT I don't even want it. And in for better or worse in the promise you make to God... I'm scared to death of for worst. People change that's fact and me and my ex changed apart and not together and if we did get married like he wanted to I'd be stuck even more miserable now.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Well you didn't get the chance to meet him but that's better than seeing him in the end. He went out like a kamikaze broke as fuck with even a hotel liquor bill in the thousands and yeah dad I was laughing at that too. I remember when he got our tab M and he looked at me laughing like that was YOU? Cause I always behaved and I was only 13. I miss him so much.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I'll tell you the real in every thing you came from. And I'm here if you ever want to reach out.

    - - - Updated - - -

    I bet like my brother and sister you are freakishly smart as fuck.

    - - - Updated - - -

    Jay... how did you know was a brownfields was? Can you find him?

    - - - Updated - - -

    And yes when they say by your third kid you let them juggle knifes... I used to play on the piles of contaminated property getting cleaned up.

    - - - Updated - - -

    That's what a brownfield is. A contaminated property getting cleaned up.
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

  11. #11
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Location
    CT (wtby)
    Posts
    3,547
    Battle Record
    0-2

    Re: Heartbreak Freestyle

    When I heard that verse it was worse than when we watched Belly together... I slammed on my brakes on a divided highway like what the fuck? Belly? Cause thats the apartments his sec lived in he said. Just trying to find you, even more so now. I'm def pretty sure he never knew. He wouldve told me. My dad was a prick sometimes - but he wasn't that.
    +~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~¥~+
    CLA919

Similar Threads

  1. .Heartbreak.
    By Enigmatic in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: January 26th, 2019, 06:29 PM
  2. Welcome to Heartbreak
    By P. Mortuus in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: December 3rd, 2008, 10:23 AM
  3. Nicotine vs. HeartBreak
    By HeartBreak in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: March 31st, 2007, 07:11 PM
  4. Beauty, heartbreak
    By Deceit in forum Poetic Scriptures
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: June 6th, 2003, 11:32 PM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •