When Things Turn Yellow then Brown

[Dead Dogs]

Outside the theatre,
dozens of blue taxicabs worm around.
Jittering in that smoggy silver warmth
you feel thirty seconds before a storm.
One driver peels red polish from his fingernails.
Another flips open a centerfold,
his flacidness reflecting in a can of soda.
dozens of vibrating teenagers and forcibly
(in a thin pandering to the scrutinizing public eye) dolled-up middle aged couples would flood into the streets.
Their brittle burnt hair and aristocratically groomed moustaches would
as usual,
reflect the gaudy flashing bulbs
of the inner city that searched frantically
for the mirror of an awe-struck tourist’s eyes.
Snappy Snappy goes the cheap shutter of a big scary camera.

HERE'S NELSON OR DAN OR DAVE OR MIKE
or what have you.
That same cabbie in every city.
That same one.
It couldn’t be a good day
when three black crows, yelling in happy, antagonistic union,
had chased him down the street in the dreamy morning.
Atop a telephone wire,
then a straight branch, then the hood of a red SUV,
for about six blocks.
Maybe a water pipe would burst under the street
creating a powerful geyser that would punch through the concrete
and flip Nelson’s cab onto its carapace
Did worker’s comp. cover those types of accidents?
Freak urban infrastructural errors resulting in specific, untimely deaths? Did Nelson’s company even offer worker’s comp?

[obseqious]

hmm wel the peice was...mm, ok i like the vocad everything weas used properly and effectivelt the struvture was ok and the body i thought was ok, the subject of the story didnt appeal to me but i did like how everything flowed, i was dragged in about midway, then a few senternced later i was out, the way the word are percieved to the subject matter is of course relitive but alse multi faceted i think that there are miltiple meaning to this peom depending on how you lookint o it, alot of simplity, yet key words that link up with other to creat other thoughts of the poenm. good peaice strucure i thought was nonexixstent but looks arent everything.....

[Spoken Deity]

This was dope in my opinion... Much more 'post-modern' and very NOT RBish, which is good. It had 'meaning' and depth in its ideas but the point of the poem isnt meant to have a direction...
The entire opening painted the scene perfectly, totally giving you an image of the stereotypes you might have. The language fit for the most part... Although, there was a part or two that felt like it needed to be reconstructed; they were a bit long.
Ill re-read this. Maybe read over it again and check for edits?

I could see this in the HoF maybe.

[Dead Dogs]

Thanks man./

[spokenoh]

I read this a few days ago and was impressed. I think the sophistication of your writing is very apparent in this.
Your sense of imagery and depicting city life is very well-thought out. I like how you juxtapose social classes between the cab drivers and the aristocrats leaving the theatre. You give a sense of a very busy night and the desperation a cab driver would have.
Another thing I really liked is how you can use short lines that add power or punch to what you're talking about. "And what have you", "That same one" are the ones I'm referring to and they're well placed. They add more tone to it. Great job.

[Soule]

Might as well put 13x PS HOF in that sig Mac.