by Laureate

[Laureate]

Why does everything seem backwards?

A realization of past revelations,
blurry creations from positive imagination
leads to mental devastation, and endless frustration,
internal interrogation leaves me so station...ary.
Wait.
Battling with myself, thoughts colliding and interweaving until
they become a single mass, or mess. So hard to decipher
layers of hidden messages and lies, negatives overtaking everything,
wilting four leaf clovers, reattaching the rabbits foot,
no luck for the pessimist, no backup coming, fate killed the
positive reenforcements before they could reach the front minds.
Pawns cower in fear with no direction, lost authority since
constructive decided not to lead criticism anymore.
Searching the map, trying to locate it, trying to find the
reason to get out of bed in the morning. Discover the
purpose of existence, it has to be more than getting from
point A to B, time is smoldering, it's hard to see
the end of the tunnel when the light burnt out, only flickers of
sarcasm showing me the way, stumbling drunk with confusion,
the compass inside points North, my head tells me to fall,
so many puzzles, what to do what to do, my thoughts racing,
faster faster, where's the finish? Struggling to keep my footing
as I try to keep up, running towards the end, hustle hustle,
almost there, I can smell the burning of victory, can't turn
back now when I'm so close, so close, almost over.
Soon...
Now...
Done.

My Suicide Note

[Laureate]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...134/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...980/index.html

[Soule]

We need to collaborate sometime soon man, seriously. This was a really nice read. For being rusty, your still doing better then 98% of those whom post in this forum brotha. Wording was really nice. I was in love with the voice of this piece. Seemed really...oldschool if you may. I feel like suicide concepts are way overly played when it comes to poetry (like love or a flower) but some people can still pull them off the shelves with dust on the edges. Something unused. Something like this. Dope job, a second hof nomination for you sir.

[Masahiko.]

Alright Ben, you've got something here. The pace of this poem, which usually isn't as crazy as this, was perfect for this piece. You drove me along like a freight train. I'm usually not too big into a suicide note piece but it wasn't at all like any of them I've ever seen. Almost as if it's not, more of a decision piece. Like maybe you played with the idea, and instead you chose one course and maybe wrote a parallel course. I really liked your wording throughout. The only thing I wasn't too keen on was the rhyming at the beginning, I felt like some ideas were good, but the wording and rhyme kind of threw me off a little from the idea of the poem. But besides that part it was a very enjoyable read. You are definitely getting your place back here lol.

I'll let you know when I'm finished with my piece.

[luke illestry]

this was dope, i could imagine the whole feel of the person who you were talking about.. the pace was very fast and i was enjoying this
i read it three times, very good piece!!!!

[abiona]

A realization of past revelations,
blurry creations from positive imagination
leads to mental devastation, and endless frustration,
internal interrogation leaves me so station...ary.
Wait.

I have a crush on your words. For the ending of that section alone.

Pawns cower in fear with no direction, lost authority since
constructive decided not to lead criticism anymore.

Hmm. Your clarity and commentary is amusing.

There is meaning out there... when you look closely. Unfortunately it is often the meaningless words that speak the loudest. And without guidance, the words dissolve into nothingness.

can't turn
back now when I'm so close, so close, almost over.
Soon. Now. Done.

Wish you had spaced that out... paced it to slow down and lengthen the read. Leading up to that, the pace of your words increased in intensity... I needed a full collapse at the end.

[Laureate]

thank you everyone,
looking back I agree with you abi that the ending needs to be drawn out.

[Laureate]

anyone?

[Chris Black]

^I disagree. I like the speed. As I read it, I knew it was suicide about 3 quarters through. Then I saw the last bolded line. You stole my clever moment. I thought I'd figured something out. Lol.

no luck for the pessimist, no backup coming, fate killed the
positive reenforcements before they could reach the front minds.

I loved that. It's like a slight of hand trick with words. Illness. The personification of pawns was dope too. This was nice. Good shit.

[Neruda II]

this nigga said reattach the rabbits foot.

goddamn.

[spokenoh]

I keep getting more impressed with you. These last few poems I've read are high-quality. The diction in this was my favourite part, how your language, tone, pace all evolved from the dissolution of what seems to be your sanity. This is the kind of thing I like to read. The play-on-words like mass/mess, and the tunnel metaphor, were very creative especially the latter. I think it's safe to say with the last few types of things you've written, you're coming into your element in writing wonderfully depressing poetry. Just keep it on paper.

[Race]

i liked this, wording was nice..felt the emotion..really liked this...i'd leave more feed but its 3am