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Thread: run on, run-on..

  1. #1

    run on, run-on..

    the golden goose skips the page
    -conjunction ripe with verbose poets
    at the tip of every would be ink dipped
    feather light
    brick,
    that lifts his neck
    with the sexual dialect of third person
    narrative-

    disillusion:
    the gift of flight for featherless
    rejects,
    that don't even carry the pens
    they've been said to scribble
    the drunken rants of starving artists
    across the sunsets with;

    you were really a paper tiger all along
    -siberian adjective draped in the nouns
    that slid down the soggy cheeks
    of opaque pages written in past lives
    through tears by better name:
    alcohol;

    and as those stripes wash away
    from the tiger's back,
    his noun held hostage by slang
    triggers
    fired like broken bones
    at sticks and stones shaped like denial,
    his beloved labels race against
    running finish lines
    as they melt away before every finally stride
    -and that final mark of identity
    fades into new age jabber,
    and he can't tell if its positive or not to be left
    a plain old, ordinary,
    pussy.

    run, run on kitty catastrophe
    -the denumonte is just around the margin,
    before the indentation
    that makes these writer's blocks less than perfect,
    despite thier beautiful structures
    that are metaphormed with the source
    of your stumbling paws.

    keep running paper tiger..
    keep chasing the foot note
    as the fingers of bitter creators
    pinch awake
    every dream you could ever have
    to make their own-
    thier, there, here, i
    am so sorry paper tiger-

    this story has grown boring;

    better yet than happy,
    is the death of a hero for an ending-

    keep fighting for your write to live
    and i'll write every twisted turn
    that you think you've earned
    below that wasted piece of paper you call home.

    art is the red root of death
    that fed the leaves that turned into your roof
    before the fibers of your very being
    bound into a noose,
    that dangled your life story
    off the limbs of a rotting poet tree
    before your eyes stared into my bark,
    waiting for a heart in the crooked eye of conclusion...

    sorry paper tiger-
    i'm great with words,
    but better with lines.

    the end.

  2. #2

    Re: run on, run-on..

    read, spoken d & spoken m

  3. #3
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: run on, run-on..

    this was absolutely beautiful man. the language and vibe were really relaxing. reading this was definitely the sunshine of my rainy day (metaphore) i love your writing, it's got almost an old english feel to it, which is a plus because i'm an old school type of guy. you worded everything so carefully and perfecting, and it was so descriptive. loved it, nom'd

  4. #4
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    1,851
    Battle Record
    3-0

    Re: run on, run-on..

    A poem I might have to read two or three times to fully grasp the message. I get the whole paper tiger thing (a person more about words than actions) and I kind of see how it would fit into the whole grammatical theme/concept you presented, but...but..I don't know. Anyway, this was a very well delivered piece of poetry right here my friend. Everything from the wording to the breaks was on point. Not to mention the wordplay and metaphors were in full-bloom as well. It's hard to critique you pieces because they're always so...huh...let’s just say dope. Anyway, I’m sorry I don't have more time to examine this poem and give you a proper response, but I gotta run. Just wanted to let you know I read it and I thought it was superb. Pz!

  5. #5
    TT ✂ ✂ cutting ties Puncha Blurta's Avatar
    Join Date
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    18-13

    Re: run on, run-on..

    fucking brilliant, really fast paced and lively shit.
    i'm tired as hell right now but i'm gonna come back to this with a fresh head to read and feed properly
    KMT ? SMH ? FFS

    PN IN UR FACE
    i'm rollin in ur graves

  6. #6
    TT ✂ ✂ cutting ties Puncha Blurta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    UK
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    962
    Battle Record
    18-13

    Re: run on, run-on..

    siberian adjective draped in the nouns
    that slid down the soggy cheeks
    of opaque pages written in past lives
    through tears by better name:
    alcohol;

    and as those stripes wash away
    from the tiger's back,
    his noun held hostage by slang

    ^ ^ siberian *adjective* <-- killer, alcohol as tears is cool too and i fuckin love 'his noun held hostage by slang'. is slang held hostage by nouns though?

    I read this as if U were describing a writers talent, going wild, getting weak, being let down and left alone and drowned in booze. Like a waste of talent tearing across a page.

    Really really cool piece, thoroughly enjoyed it.

    and he can't tell if its positive or not to be left
    a plain old, ordinary,
    pussy.

    run, run on kitty catastrophe

    ^^ordinary pussy.. kitty catastrophe, yeah just this piece all over, top
    KMT ? SMH ? FFS

    PN IN UR FACE
    i'm rollin in ur graves

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