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Thread: "for the angels of Nineveh"

  1. #1
    microcosm spokenoh's Avatar
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    "for the angels of Nineveh"

    I.

    Will you learn to dance
    on brittle chandelier ankles
    when stagefright
    hangs itself in shadows
    as shrill shards of
    arthritic applause

    or drown in the choking
    swallow of your anchor,
    splitting sparrows
    from seraphim clouds,
    falling into harbours
    going up in smoke.

    all our heroes are sleeping
    when we go down
    swinging

    clenched fists burying bullet shells,
    why must we always be
    the butt of the joke
    safety on;
    we are blindfolded anyways.

    the oracle laughed -
    she read the lines of my palms
    with dagger eyes
    said I'd crucify
    in prayer

    before cutting the strings.

    II.

    I cannot wrestle these angels
    any longer; ones of snipped
    wing and rusted halo,
    they are only portraits -
    not mirrors.

    am I learning to dance
    in seizure speech, am I not
    understood by convulsion;
    I do not fear misrepresentation
    but a hungry crowd
    riddled by rumour &
    swept-in satisfaction

    these dead birds either sink
    or swim

    for I am not coming down from this cloud.

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...112/index.html
    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...992/index.html

    Written on the Jonah complex, in case you want a frame of reference.
    Last edited by spokenoh; January 25th, 2010 at 09:57 PM
    can I kick it?

  2. #2
    nousecryingover.spiltmilk artisan.'s Avatar
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    Re: "for the angels of Nineveh"

    beautiful lines, again, again.

    I had a problem with the POV changes in the first section of the poem... the transitions weren't there for me. you to we to I, was a bit confusing to make everything fit

    " chandelier ankles " i think this was a bit much, the piece would be just as effective, maybe more so if some things were left in plain language, not that it is hard to understand but I think there is such a thing as too much.

    Thank you for the frame of reference, the poem became much more satisfying on the second read

    I like the ending very much, wrapped up the idea well.
    .
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    .
    [YOUTUBE]HoTqpEu_Vc4[/YOUTUBE]
    "... for this was how I thought
    poetry worked: you digested experience and shat

    literature...."-William Mathews

  3. #3

    Re: "for the angels of Nineveh"

    I really enjoy this, I feel as though I can relate to the work - its vague enough to give that effect but also clear enough to create a fathomable scenerio.
    I can't wait to read more!

  4. #4
    Poetic Mind Standard Issue's Avatar
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    Re: "for the angels of Nineveh"

    Simply beautiful language. You've got some wonderful phrasing and it works well together. Be careful, as amanda said, not to over-poeticize. You don't want to get too tough on the reader or allow us to think that the poem is too conscience of itself. I loved the first stanza of part II and think thats just perfect. Toned down language with compelling images= perfection. I really thought this whole thing was great, outside of the previously stated, overly poetic language in that spot and perhaps dagger eyes. Otherwise, great stuff!
    "Dying Is An Art"
    -Sylvia Plath

    Not really. Save the song
    the sickle sings, we expire the same: lights out.
    -- Ross Gay, "Dying Is An Art"


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