An Exit

[Alyse Miller]

An exit
By: Alyse Flowers'


-Free in the womb,
To move, breathe, and take shape
Of my comfort zone,
I have heard of no such word: exit.
The first breath,
was my last day of freedom
We are born with labels.
First, middle, and last.
Forever known by certificates,
We are files of a background.
Through Adolescence, I am aware
Of who, and what I am.

-As an Adult, I rebel against thee.
To the face, I spit back lies
Swallow truth, and choke on karma.
Only ounce of pureness of life is birth,
Realize society cages.
We are not afraid of what we are,
Nevertheless, afraid of whom we are.
We fail to seek our history
Against each other, we brought pain,
We are In addition, the deception.

-Above we only accept to die
From down below the entrance,
Of societies bigotry.
I long back for the nameless freedom
You have to invite in Death to An exit.


Rebirth: An exit.



Links:
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...332/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...251/index.html

[Alyse Miller]

uppin.

[Alyse Miller]

uppin

[Alyse Miller]

omg... come on : ( uppin

[KnowP]

This was a solid piece. Something i've never seen before. I like the tone and structure.
this was my favorite part:

Forever known by certificates,
We are files of a background.

and

To the face, I spit back lies
Swallow truth, and choke on karma.
Only ounce of pureness of life is birth,


and

I long back for the nameless freedom
You have to invite in Death to An exit.

These parts gave depth to the flow as a hole. No rhyme scheme needed for this piece. Vocab coulda been a bit stronger, but the message had meaning and a subtle tone, yet had a profound message. Good drop sis... im feelin this alot.

[Mafioso.]

The first breath,
was my last day of freedom
dopey

overall I like this it was short but to the point.....I also like the concept u put it together pretty good we are all labeled and basically slaves to life...deep shit u couldve gotten a lil deeper with some lines but for the most part everything was on point.....I liked the structure and flow...rhyme couldve been better but when it comes to poetry thats not really a main focus for me I'm more focused on the emotion and affect from the poem and this had pretty good emotion..i would've liked to see u end it stronger but overall nice drop, keep writing

[Switch.]

Yo this piece was really good and so was the concept. I think you related very closely to what life is like for the everyday person who feels frustrated with what our society has become and i believe in this piece u did it very well. However, i thought u cud've added a bit more rhythm and possibly made the piece slightly longer. Apart from that it flowed really well and definitely kept me intrested. Keep writing Alyse, u got the potential to be a dope poet.


"The first breath,
was my last day of freedom

To the face, I spit back lies
Swallow truth, and choke on karma.
Only ounce of pureness of life is birth,
Realize society cages."

^^^Those were my favourite lines btw

[~feed-back~]

this was an alright piece. if you had implemented a broader range of vocab it wouldve been even better. you had some nice lines as well but you couldve done more to create a better imagery. it was tough to create a visual but i enjoyed reading it.

[Alyse Miller]

Thanks uppin !

[Alyse Miller]

uppie

[Alyse Miller]

uppie

[will56]

uppin