How not to brag

[Half-Eye]

I made a thread last night that I asked the mod to delete cuz it was the wrong material and edited the stuff... so i aint mutli-posting. Anyways this is some shit im gonna record.

I go right in when im writing rhymes
Battling's going to dine
Im not an artist but more of a rap terrorist
From the rest i am the farthest
Start a beef and get deported b
From earth to live spiritually
Mcs stay real far from me
Raps just a pretext for my blood thirst
The brave rappers just die first
I bust slugs then make the mic burst
I flow heavenly
So the underground scene is not for me
Though my lyrics's heat'll make u think i didnt live biblically
Dont got many rules son
Spit to kill is one
Another one, dont stop till the mic is gone
Opening my rhymebooks like opening a nappy(diaper)
Just hot shit, and yo im proud my head is nappy
My shooting form is perfect(skillz)
The stars(fame) to me are like a brain next to 2 tecs
And i wreck recs without a flex
I could be sleeping and retain my fresh
Mattafact i was born with it to death
So it will never regress
Me in the industry
Is like capone running the streets
Versatile, too much style
Even faggots on they feet, shit is wild
How not to brag when im so rad

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08#post7737908
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...08#post7737908
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...149/index.html

btw who do i contact to change my name?

[4renSICK]

u can change ur name in ur profile


I go right in when im writing rhymes
Me battling's going to dine
Im not an artist but more of a rap terrorist
From the rest i am the farthest
Part a beef and get departed b
From earth to live spiritually
^u were having a bit of trouble rhyming..terrorist/farthest doesnt rhyme same with departed b/spirtually

ur rhyme was basic, didnt really have anything that stood out/decent at best...overall i think u need to up ur multies/wordplay ect

[Half-Eye]

artist/terrosit and rest/farthest rhyme^^

thx for the feed, got a something to say on the rest? i feel i got stronger towards the end.

[4renSICK]

but u rhyme words in the middle of ur bars?

[Half-Eye]

just did it 2 times, didnt rly bother me... i see some bars dat dont rhyme sometimes.. and when i spit it flows well so

id like to know ur fav bar

[Half-Eye]

bumped cuz some MAJOR edits were made cuz of bad wording cuz im french

[Aco_KK]

eh, flow was off a lot.

Though my lyrics's heat'll make u think i didnt live biblically
Dont got many rules son
Match up your syllables mate.

hmm, deported b and spiritually don't rhyme. How about, habitually and spiritually?

Need's a lot of reworking, especially on your multi's and matching up syllables on each bar.

keep writing dude.

[Half-Eye]

start a beef and get...habitually? that doesnt make sence. imma try to find something else tough, but IMO the rhyme doesnt have to be perfect.

and the flow isnt off i said i created it while listening to a beat so i have a certain tempo etc. im gonna record it but i just wanted to the lyrics cheked.

thx for the feed imma sure keep writing.

[Android]

I made a thread last night that I asked the mod to delete cuz it was the wrong material and edited the stuff... so i aint mutli-posting. Anyways this is some shit im gonna record.

I go right in when im writing rhymes
Battling's going to dine
Im not an artist but more of a rap terrorist
From the rest i am the farthest
Start a beef and get deported b
From earth to live spiritually
Mcs stay real far from me
Raps just a pretext for my blood thirst
The brave rappers just die first
I bust slugs then make the mic burst
I flow heavenly
So the underground scene is not for me
Though my lyrics's heat'll make u think i didnt live biblically
Dont got many rules son
Spit to kill is one
Another one, dont stop till the mic is gone
Opening my rhymebooks like opening a nappy(diaper)
Just hot shit, and yo im proud my head is nappy
My shooting form is perfect(skillz)
The stars(fame) to me are like a brain next to 2 tecs
And i wreck recs without a flex
I could be sleeping and retain my fresh
Mattafact i was born with it to death
So it will never regress
Me in the industry
Is like capone running the streets
Versatile, too much style
Even faggots on they feet, shit is wild
How not to brag when im so rad

This was a little too simple for my liking, try using more multi-syllabic rhymes. The topic has been done a thousand times but yeah, read OMHOF and SS battles, it'll give you better insight into topicals. There was a few spelling mistakes but I can understand that english isn't your primary language. Hmm for what it is it's mediocre but this shows potential. Hit this link if you find time.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...144/index.html

[Eye To Eye Kontact]

oh boi, you gotta develop rhyme scheme no disrespect ...try to develop a flow.....nice concepts bad wording