I remember that forest.

[spokenoh]

A child is going to wake up one morning and say,
"I remember when this used to be fields, there were
gnarled trees and shrubs as small as my hands,
I used to play here

I remember when this was hope and it belonged
to me and you and everyone who was brave enough
to stand up for what they believed
even if they were the underdog
even if they didn't believe in themselves
I remember that forrest,
we built treehouses sincere and laden with the skin
of majestic evergreens, tore holes through the heaven
and got drunk there for the time
I remember when I believed in God and the government
too, because I could feel them in my heart
and not my wallet;
When we used to watch meteor showers mid-summer
from our backyard, didn't give a fuck about the stock market
and our only invested interest was in baseball-cards
and not business cards;
When we broke curfew and kept dreams,
even the small ones
because you don't throw something away
that you might not get back.

I remember when this used to be acres of virginity,
bloomed and blemished - hurried and harbored
and how every tree was cut down
when I was finally able to tell the difference
between right and wrong

I remember when it was okay to cry, to be hurt
and in need of love or a friend, before we got
too old for that kind of thing - to feel
Remember what it meant to play a game?
How winning had nothing to do with the smiles
we wore like our favourite denim shorts,
in case girls were watching.
Remember what it was like to look at a girl
and say, will you be my friend
and not expect anything else besides someone
to jump in puddles with, to grow up slowly
and with purpose?
I remember coming home stained and drenched
in the August rain, being free of it all
without needing to call it freedom.

I remember when my heroes fought for justice
and killed no one, because redemption belonged
to all of us
I remember wanting to be Zorro,
not wealthy or famous.
I remember running clumsily among the willow's veins
passing over the tumbled heap of autumn's farewell,
with a sword that was matched by its rhetoric
I remember being 12 years old and knowing
I couldn't pretend anymore because
I understood what was happening in the news
and what was being said by those
who were supposed to be our heroes.

I know that one day I'll say

'I remember that forest, there were
gnarled trees and shrubs as small as my hands,
I used to play here'

and I won't cry because it's gone -
I'll cry because somewhere, deep and silent within me,
there is a forest that I remember."


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...311/index.html

[oatmeal]

I really liked this. First and foremost the flow was good, you put in breaks where I needed to break, and kept me going when I needed to keep going. I liked your use of periods, too.

I'll admit that I wasn't feeling the vibe of it up until midway through the first main chunk:

When we broke curfew and kept dreams,
even the small ones
because you don't throw something away
that you might not get back.

this bit in particular was real cool, definitely thrust me into it (I needed this period here so I could read it a couple times, let it marinate).

The virginity metaphor was neatly executed, I liked how nothing felt overstated in that part.

and then:

I remember coming home stained and drenched
in the August rain, being free of it all
without needing to call it freedom.

boom, another hammer at the end of the "stanza," I really enjoyed the description of not needing to call it freedom. I think there is a subtle wisdom to that statement, kinda like "the moment you realize that being a child was the best you're no longer a child" kind of thing.

last part was cool, good way to sum what memory is, and how bittersweet nostalgia can be.

Overall I was definitely feeling this as a whole. It felt honest and genuine, and you wrapped a humble intelligence in the emotion of it all. Good read.

[Spoken Deity]

I'll hit this tonight, assuming my net works.

[Neruda II]

oh my god.

i couldn't keep those words in my mouth when i finished reading this. i would get this entire piece tattooed on my back. this is so grown up, so precise and mature. i dont think i could write with that much coherence. astounded, how do you do it? this is so good i dont even think you wrote it. take that how you will.

[Neruda II]

i hate everything right now except for this poem.

[Lyrikal Diety]

I entirely enjoyed this piece. Something really sincere in the nostalgic field. The flow from the start got me, as I saw the repetition, I became excited for every new example you threw in. All lovely.

Some of my top lines I thoroughly enjoyed were:
we built treehouses sincere and laden with the skin
of majestic evergreens, tore holes through the heaven
and got drunk there for the time
This simply for the imagery I got from it, especially adding in the "tore holes through the heaven" part, the statement itself gives off the position the person felt in that point of view, high n' mighty.

When we broke curfew and kept dreams,
even the small ones
because you don't throw something away
that you might not get back.

I know Oatmeal mentioned it, but damn, this was worth reading 5 times

Remember what it was like to look at a girl
and say, will you be my friend
and not expect anything else besides someone
to jump in puddles with, to grow up slowly
and with purpose?
I remember coming home stained and drenched
in the August rain, being free of it all
without needing to call it freedom.

The part mentioning the girls was really neat, it put me in retrospective mode, thinking back to when hand-holding/kissing was a ridiculous thing to do. And the freedom line got me thinking back to the old cliché of "You don't know what you have until it's gone" thing

And finally,
I remember running clumsily among the willow's veins
passing over the tumbled heap of autumn's farewell,
with a sword that was matched by its rhetoric

With the mention of "autumn's farewell", I imagined this entire poem like the 4 seasons cycle, the spring time with the laughs and euphoric bliss, then comes summer's late nights watching the meteor showers, to autumn's trees draining out their leaves, to winter, all grown up and matured.

Overall, a really interesting piece. I've been gone for a while, and this was just the thing to reinvigorate me back. Cheers man.

[spokenoh]

thanks for all the comments. It makes me wish I had more time to write this kind of stuff.

[Neruda II]

i read this to a girl im seeing. she was speechless.

let me just come crash at your place and be a bum and write dope shit.

[Madbeats]

I dug this. Well done. I like the ending and how it comes together.