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Thread: Amanda's Ballad

  1. #1
    Pat Blynd's Avatar
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    Amanda's Ballad



    Amanda's Ballad



    Blond rooted hair unkempt
    Brown strands fallen long ago,
    Across your face.
    Cheeky smile
    Slyly hiding
    Your delight,
    While pushing back
    Flushed cheeks;
    Pink hued,
    Like a twilight
    Sunset.
    Blue eyes,
    Bright as stars,
    The same light shade
    That clouds rest upon.

    Short neck,
    Stained red
    With bite marks,
    Curves gently;
    Revealing
    Shapely shoulders
    Atop tanned arms;
    Slightly muscled,
    Hanging double-jointed wrists
    marked black
    With the word
    Love.
    Ending with fleshy palms;
    Fingers meant
    To interlock with mine.
    And tips
    Colored
    White.

    I run my hands down your sides,
    Leading to a flat stomach.
    I let them climb higher,
    Gently caressing your breasts,
    Paled from lack of sun.
    My finger tips run
    Across your brown nipples;
    I lay my head down,
    Between your bosoms.
    A swift beat is in the air-
    Your heart
    And our heavy breaths.

    I awake.
    The bed is empty;
    I recall it all,
    Our entire time together
    Flashes by in seconds.
    Without a word,
    You left a note
    And left me.
    You took my heart,
    You took my love,
    You took my childhood,
    But still...
    ... I dream of you;

    Forgiven, but never
    Forgotten
    "A Poem can curve
    Like the bell of a tulip
    Or a pistol grip"
    -Joel Dias-Porter


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  2. #2
    Pat Blynd's Avatar
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    "A Poem can curve
    Like the bell of a tulip
    Or a pistol grip"
    -Joel Dias-Porter


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  3. #3
    Pat Blynd's Avatar
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    Re: Amanda's Ballad

    feed?
    "A Poem can curve
    Like the bell of a tulip
    Or a pistol grip"
    -Joel Dias-Porter


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  4. #4
    Word Of Mouth Kaotic Theory's Avatar
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    Re: Amanda's Ballad

    wow don't understand why this is being ignored at all, smh poetic scriptures just isn't like it use top be, anyway's good stuff here blynd i mean you started off slow and kind of boring at first - so it seemed but towards the end of the first stanza it started picking up the flow was nice and you complimented your piece quite nice with imagery...ton's of it also, i loved the wording and vivid discription's in this also, overall buddy nice concept here somewhat original maybe....word

    -Kao

    rtf, http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...347/index.html
    AI

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  5. #5
    Touch My Beard Extinctor Draconis's Avatar
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    Re: Amanda's Ballad

    very descriptive piece man; every little detail of her looks was described and it was wonderful. The thing lacking, to me, is the description of her personality, which makes it weird to see that you(or the character) treats her with such emotional value. No one loves a beautiful girl just because she's beautiful physically beautiful, unless you're shallow, then that can't count as love. I found that strange, but I dig your execution.
    De Kapitein

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  6. #6
    Pat Blynd's Avatar
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    Re: Amanda's Ballad

    Thanx for the feed guys. I RTF to Katoic, and I'm about to go check out one of you poems Spanja. By the way, very interesting insight man, I didn't even think of that. I may take this and polish it more... or not, who knows

    Anyone else?
    "A Poem can curve
    Like the bell of a tulip
    Or a pistol grip"
    -Joel Dias-Porter


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