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Thread: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

  1. #1
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
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    Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    We are locked in a glassy 8,
    not a grain more or less
    of change to expect;
    hours to twentyfours- repetition progresses.

    I am you.

    Desperation (dug so deep the depression could pass
    for greed) rips my spirit off,
    adding inches of [my] will
    to the Prado the devil drives.
    I’m left to zombie
    my way from where I spend my nights-
    the fat 5`x6` line at the end
    of insanity into insanity in the kind arms of
    groupthink.
    I hope always to wake up on the bed
    ‘s righter side, slip into whatever
    travel-box I posses and drive.
    Sense, time and happiness forbid me
    to think meaning into words like ‘possession’.
    I seize the steering will, to work.
    There’s nothing outlandish about routine,
    don’t pretend when [even] you look like yesterday,
    Kafka, up your tools and save the poetry
    for sunshine. Where will it take me, cigarette-high or change?
    Save it for the road
    through this dark cycle Edison didn’t die for.
    We die changing bulbs
    in this same dark room, where Light is only pictured.

    Here comes the sun?
    well, halo, miss too-intimidatingly-beautiful?
    It’s easier to believe you are not here
    because I’m used, and laziness is lying she’s atrophy.
    She is dead-man-acting-dead convincing
    and to believe you pressures my skull open, but that’s good
    space for understanding.
    Blow my mind, please.
    my heart is made of paper
    and darkness is windy with signs of rain.
    I wasn’t Phenomenal to people, before acclimatized eyes
    convinced me I wasn’t meant
    for the light of your looks.
    Will you take my nouns away?

  2. #2
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
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    Last edited by Mantra; February 8th, 2011 at 12:03 PM

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    Re: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    re-opened.
    ...

  4. #4
    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    This was cool dude. Great language, interesting narrative, and epic metaphors. The rhyme carried this and just added a beautiful spice to the language. The images were interesting, witty, and turning typical concepts on their head. It just bled emotion...like I could hear it's voice.
    This was just smart, fun, intelligent, and interesting. It lacks in nothing.

    HoFed

  5. #5
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
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    Re: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    Thanks Spoken. I appreciate it

    (up 1)

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    God Fist Spoken Deity's Avatar
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    Re: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    Rtf if possible.

  7. #7
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    Re: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    Jam, you are so clever. I love intelligent poetry that can integrate such a level of creativity and still not lose its connection to the reader.

    to the Prado the devil drives.
    .
    .
    I seize the steering will, to work.
    .
    .
    Kafka, up your tools and save the poetry
    Clever. Only word I can think to describe it. Perhaps Spoken said it best with witty.

    This piece reminds me of the style of another writer I know... very few can straddle that balance of wit and gimmick and you do it well in this.

    Beyond all the ways you played with your words in this, there was still a lot of "realness" in this. This sense of yearning for something more than the everyday cycle we all seem to get get stuck in, searching for something to break up the monotony. Read it a few times, particularly the last 6 lines, and each time I applied it to different levels. Could be interpreted a big picture, or even a commentary on what passes for poetry. lol. Definitely enjoyed getting into your head for a while.
    ArtificialIntelligence


    TNL
    ps... abi punchlines are played


  8. #8
    as ain't Jamhuri's Avatar
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    Re: Here comes the sun [p.s repost]

    Thanks IHH (a.k.a Abi)
    Would be interesting to know what other writer that is.

    will rtf.

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