Call me Grace

[Spoken Deity]

I am a mirror hanging
deep within your subconscious.
Nailed through the back of your skull,
stabbing you with reality every time you
scratch your head in disbelief.

You have regret smeared across your faces.
Each smile, twisted and convoluted,
appearing strait though pious braces.
I owed you a penance.
Every moment an hour,
every hour a day,
every day another page
of things to wash clean with my own blood.

I tried so hard.

You walked around a chalked existence
with a silence that descends only when
breath is exiled to the lungs...
like you were waiting for something.
In this town of veiled walls
I was chained like a dog.
A piece of pleasure in the pocket
of craftsmen who bled over every link.
Your confessions eased the pressure
of heavy hammers on the anvils.
I was just something to be slammed.
Each of you would cover me back up when you left...
as if it was some form of apology.

I hang on an invisible wall
seeing right through the sacrament,
stained teeth that you bare constantly.
I peer into every house hearing every whisper,
every reason you are justified.
And though you have built a tower to speak with God
because his answers weren’t enough,
I hope every. one. of you. knows that silence is an answered prayer.

His forgiveness alone will hold your soul,
because I will eventually scream
until your prisons come tumbling down.

And I will choke you all with the chain that you have made.
I am Grace.

[Spoken Deity]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...101/index.html

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...306/index.html

[soulstice.]

im still here. rb has not been my top priority lately though

[Extinctor Draconis]

interesting. I really don't know where to start. Give me some time to process it.


okay, I'm finally back to leave some feed. It took me at least 3 reads to finally lay judgment. I really like you're use of language, which happens to be the case for every poem you write. The tower line was awesome; something to similar to the tower of babel, correct? "I hear every reason you are justified"; very moving line. You're just one of the few writers who can compose a religious poem and I won't feel like it's just over the top bullshit. I guess you better be able to do that if you're going to oxford lolz. Well, the whole poem was pretty great and I enjoyed the language; it gave the feel of divine retribution.

awesome mang

[abiona]

I loved this when I first read it.

And that's odd... because I'm typically not a fan of religious poems unless they are using religious images to relate to something else. I think I told you that already. lol.

Anyway, I really enjoyed your voice here. It was strong and very unforgiving. I think I'm getting repetitive again, but yeah, the past few things I've read from you have had a degree of edginess that I really appreciate. The writing is stripped down to the raw images and because there is no filler, they can really stand out.

You walked around a chalked existence
with a silence that descends only when
breath is exiled to the lungs...
like you were waiting for something.

Each of you would cover me back up when you left...
as if it was some form of apology.

Those lines were just ill.

Makes you wonder... if someone were to really hold the mirror up.. would we be able to stand the reflection?

Now I'm interested. Gotta see the movie.

[Spoken Deity]

uppin for feed

[Mantra]

Your name change threw me off for a minute, lol.

[Spoken Deity]

upping for feed

[soulstice.]

The opening lines seemed a little drawn out until the end, when it sort of jump-started the poem.. regret smeared across your face i liked because it gives the image of eating and consuming something very fast, leaving smears on your face, and soon realizing you didnt want it.. hence regret being smeared. Penance, washing clean with blood was a little cliche. the beginning and end of the next stanza were tight dude, the anvil apologies and the breathe in lungs, like abi said, you really dont have much filler and dont reiterate stuff with superflous imagery.. a solid skill, sometimes someone might try and be too clever and cover the stuff again only with different imagery. Overall I could put some abstract concepts that are difficult to word onto the meat of the poetry, but I think I have to see the movie to fully understand.. good work though.
I hang on an invisible wall
seeing right through the sacrament,
stained teeth that you bare constantly.
I peer into every house hearing every whisper,
every reason you are justified.
And though you have built a tower to speak with God
because his answers weren’t enough,
I hope every. one. of you. knows that silence is an answered prayer.

His forgiveness alone will hold your soul,
because I will eventually scream
until your prisons come tumbling down.

And I will choke you all with the chain that you have made.
I am Grace.

[Jamhuri]

I think I really was able to get into what you were trying to put across (the idea of grace, & maybe coz Im a Christian myself.) Up until the 'silence is an answered prayer' I see you were speaking in Christ's voice, having tried helping (saving) the supposed-to-be-innocent people, and actually giving up on trying (Grace ran out?)

Towards the end you (the speaker) sounded like a conscience (eventually being so loud on the people that they cant just live with it anymore.)
'I will choke you all with the chain that you have made' sounded like the argument that man creates systems (in this case perhaps morals/standards of right and wrong) then lives as slave to those very systems. (self-made chains)

I know this is ironical of me but the title/last line dint connect me with what I had interpreted the poem to be overally about, because if the persona is grace (not the conscience/Christ/sense of morality) then I maybe need to watch the movie though I think I get what the poem itself says.
I stand to be corrected, though.

Peace.

[Spoken Deity]

you guys all need to watch the movie... haha

[SquareRootGenius]

I thought this poem was pretty dope, I havent watched the movie so most likely I havent fully grasped the message here, sounds like a religious poem but not a bad one either. Also sounds like someone fighting with themselves, their own conscious.

"You walked around a chalked existence
with a silence that descends only when
breath is exiled to the lungs...
like you were waiting for something."

I know people said enough about this line but again....killed it here, my fav line

Overall a solid, well thought out piece, thanks for this read, remember let us always seek higher enlightment

[Jamhuri]

I should. Assumed the poem stands alone

[MCdodne]

I haven't watched it either but nonetheless i still thought this was pretty awesome my fave line in the whole of this was " Your confessions eased the pressure
of heavy hammers on the anvils.
I was just something to be slammed. Sick line man it comes off real harsh and it feels more real? if you know what i mean, but anyways my point is i liked it 4/5 (: