Have|Need != Want

[P. Mortuus]

Have|Need != Want

I’m a mess; they say realisation helps
you win half the battle when you understand the problem
or is that lose half? I’m not so sure,
lately I can’t trust people, nor myself
my self’s self seems intent on breaking out
and why should I trust God?

I prayed to him when I was hurt, when I was lonely
just looked for a sliver of hope to grope me,
yeah it might be vulgar but I’m a crass type of guy
or is that a no class lost soul cliché and forced type of a type?
Anyhow, the point is I asked him for a pittance
and wasn’t even given a pot to piss in, eternal nothingness
a constant state of pain, you think you’ve got it bad?

Imagine having to pay rent the day you were robbed
and the thief was standing on the other side of the door,
picture him: he was a fat fuck, with greasy palms
with vines for chest hair climbing out his too small white vest
crooked teeth and a stench of shit...bear with me....
imagine he stood there oblivious and asked for rent;
knowing full well that he had snuck in and grabbed it earlier
the very same box you, just yesterday, told him about.

Now keep that picture in mind and multiply it a hundred fold...
That’s how I feel, my migraine is having an aneurism
which triggers a dormant tumour, leading to an internal Pompeii.

I’m in a constant loop of benefits, drink and gambling
each night is a binge upon vice and each hand dealt worthless;
I sit upon a broken PVC stool, pasted grime, spittle
some chewing gum hitching to my hiking boots;
I sit with a too-tight cap, my hair damp
it wasn’t raining, rather fresh mixed with stale sweat
as I fed the mechanical God coins, hoping for thunder
a finger to jolt me; a slot-jockey fingering the coin slot.
I watched a woman shriek, “I have caught the spirit”
as she swallowed the load through the gloryhole.
I wouldn’t mind a little spirit myself; I need to get drunk
because life is throwing me lemons;
And I believe they would look great- cut; sitting upon a glass.

I digress or I did; but the fact remains that life is a harsh master
I wait at its every word, every action, each letter a knife
and each emotion but a slice of humble pie;
When I look I don’t think wonderful, I just see the wonders dulled
everyone is so caught up in ‘life’ that no one’s living anymore.

And maybe for once I should just give in to what I want.

[P. Mortuus]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...535/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...359/index.html

[Spoken Deity]

different tone and voice for you in this drop.
You had some really interesting images and vocab. "When I look I don’t think wonderful, I just see the wonders dull". Love this kind of stuff. Witty wordplay with the proper tone can carry a piece. I also felt many of your images were very different than a typical piece with a cynical, sarcastic tone... but it kind of works. Makes it a unique read I guess.
It was quite difficult for me as the reader to get into this in the beginning. I'm not sure why yet, but I just didn't feel grabbed by anything... Like an essay, starting with questions is a good idea, but for some reason I wasn't interested until the 3rd stanza. It's a feeling though so I'm not sure what else to tell you though.
this had some interesting lines and a cool voice...I dig on the subject matter for sure, but it seems to lack a certain something that usually give your pieces a punch. It's not the style, that I know, but I don't know what it is.

[P. Mortuus]

wtf. that was so fast it's shocking lol. I expected a reply after a month or something.

I think the main problem is the first 2 weren't written with this ending in mind, I changed some stuff from this and then posted so the language changed a little or rather the voice did.

[spokenoh]

One of the more accessible things you've written. The best part is the desperation and hopelessness that you convey through narration. I'm in sync with the man behind the words and I can read most of it like conversation. I also really like how the title ties into the poem. I would like to know a bit more about the title. At first I tried to read it like math (including the exclamation mark) but that doesn't compute.
I get the impression you change things, maybe errors or typos. Whenever I read your work, there's usually an edit time that goes with it. I'm just curious about that.
I don't there needs to be a lot of digging for this, but that it can stand on its own as a textual expression of all the things one feels inside but never really talks about. The great part about this is seeing that you can link a theme to the diction. Few people on RB have picked up on this technique but you obviously know how to do it. The writing is like an essay and it shapeshifts to a reiteration, slightly mutated, in the conclusion. This is connecting the first and last line.
Good stuff. I look forward to your writing next PS season.

[P. Mortuus]

The title was using java expressions...Have or Need does not equal want. And yeah I susally re-read my piece once posted and notice a thing or 2 I'd like to change, that's why practically all my stuff has a little edit timeline.

[ItoldUIwasFat]

this was journey well written and described..
i wanna first say that this was just so smooth to read i literally glided through it and i didnt have to stop and re read etc...as i read i got a sense of some one teaching me or warning me of the vices and pit falls of life. Towards the middle you got personal i dunno if the fat guy taking your rent is about you specifically but it definitely took the personal tone up a level.
i loved this poem and you did a great job showcasing how every one now and then wants an escape and most of us want to give in to all our wants and desires...great read

Now keep that picture in mind and multiply it a hundred fold...
That’s how I feel, my migraine is having an aneurism
which triggers a dormant tumour, leading to an internal Pompeii

i read that 3 times to remember it because it was very profound and it just stood out to me.