if i had a penny

[unadored]

Let me write away life,
sing songs for moments of sorrow.
Wait until tomorrow,
when the rain sides inside your throat.

These words are so refreshing,
they hold the stitches of skin to this body.
Each day is a milestone; the weight of both worlds
helps the devils breath taste hollow.

It was the end of all nights.
Days overrun the edges of these pages.

To who added the stars that sparked the stark?
catapulted woodwind and strings into my imagination,
a slingshot you found next to upturned buttercups
now rest on my head, keeping out the light.


“and I love you…”

…because the heart is a muscle, needing exercise to survive;
and you are the cure, heavy handed and I will pick you up all in good time.
Speak words that will surround you with pulsating vibes,
and I’ll spit the labours of love that were told throughout the ages.

I'll build a castle of cards and you would be queen!
When it all falls down, we would laugh, and I’d be a joker.
Flower in hand and romance smattered in every page of this book,
a romantic and helpless for your love.

Let me write away life,
sing songs for moments of sorrow.
Wait until tomorrow,
when my last breath is hallow.

[unadored]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...681/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...999/index.html

[ItoldUIwasFat]

i loved the simplistic nature of this but ofcourse it was far that as a whole thats just how i interpreted the tone of the poem. it was a very calm read lol i dunno if u intended it to be like that. i see two different parts to this..the beginning which to me seemed a little choppy though it didnt take from the content anything maybe it was your word choices, anyway the second part i really really loved man i thought it was just well awesome lol. i cant quite put my finger on it but it was full of imagery and detail that you put together so well. plus im a little bias cuz i like long lines lol.

I'll build a castle of cards and you would be queen!
When it all falls down, we would laugh, and I’d be a joker.
Flower in hand and romance smattered in every page of this book,
a romantic and helpless for your love.

AMAZING writing man simply amazing, i mean those two first lines jesus man the metaphor, the flawless flow of imagery.. i loved it and i hope to read more of your stuff, dont mind the sleepers they will be up soon lol..keep posting

[Soul Slayer]

howdy mate, you opened up real smooth and that drew me in as an audience. The wording was consistant and that really helped the piece because you could sustain a goo command over the concept and the direction which you wanted to take in this piece. There was a choppy line or two in the second stanza. You were able to really paint vivid pictures with the word selection and im glad you could convey poem clearly, which is the most important aspect i feel..

Leave some feedback on my piece if sometime,.
Its called ''flesh will rot''

[unadored]

Thanks fellas.

[unadored]

up. first piece i've written in a few months so still getting the rust off, would like some feed please.

[unadored]

anyone? pretty please