posted under memoir.
posted under memoir.
Last edited by unadored; September 9th, 2014 at 06:19 PM
never thought you'd miss the blueprints in my eyes.
s c y t s o p h r e n i a
never thought you'd miss the blueprints in my eyes.
s c y t s o p h r e n i a
I like how you sort of speak on destiny in this, at least thats what i gathered from it. Poetry is all about perception right? Yea, very advanced vocabulary. The fabricate a leaning tower of Pisa inside my swear box part was dope, very original reference. Very articulate piece, good usage of metaphores to describe your place of solace. I enjoyed this one, might get a nom. from me homie, good job.
thanks mate.
never thought you'd miss the blueprints in my eyes.
s c y t s o p h r e n i a
The diction you portrayed in this as a whole is splendid nothin too overzealous and nothing oo greedy man just enough to snag emotion in your pocket man. The
Content and story was well written man I like the whole destiny hing you showed up with the when detail is critiqued I have to say could have been jolted with a bit more thunder but ey. It's not my verse it's yours an I aintgonna dictate you on how I would like to read it bag mean so woot to that an your creative creation man stay up
ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE
I couldnt get caught in this...I read it once quickly to kind of get a feel of direction for my re-read so I can find what I personally am looking for...You had many references to a sort of ominous future but I think sometimes your stanzas were as stagnant as the night you were lost in...The moon representing imo the longevity of this internal struggle of solace and this arcane future that leaves you in a sense of mental confinement...the perspective in the picture which I am trying to tie into your piece I think is more metaphoric towards the railroad tracks as the longevity rather than the moon
The 'what if's and 'what how's'
fabricate a leaning tower of Pisa
inside my swear box.
I really like this I know it was mentioned before this was the first thing that kept me interested...however the 2 lines atop it were imo the worst articulated part of the piece...I think this is only ok...I really couldnt find the connection between the pic and the piece...or i didnt feel it complimented it...I would have like to have seen a greater attempt at a more pliable storyline...to not only engage but to make relevant...anyways good write an Im interested in seeing more from you...
"the ink of a scholar, is worth a thousand times more, than the blood of a martyr"--lupe fiasco
"I'm sonnin' ya'll like father's day/disrespect pop and get popped like Marvin Gaye" Skillz
WRITTEN VOICES
I love it. The peom has so much meaning in it. It really doesnt need any advice. To tell the truth. Its elegant and beautiful in every way. It made me want to keep reading. Thats what you need to to grab the readers attention and thats exactley what your doing. keep it up.
nice immagery here, i like the indepth of this piece and the portraying of your picture.. good choice of words and it has such a good meaning aswell.. nice read.
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- Artificial Intelligence
mhmm lets see, very articulate piece mate. The diction was crisp and clear and I enjoyed the usage of metaphor. The poem had an authentic feeling to it and painted nice images sad and warm alike. Now I don't know how the induction goes but this should be a Hall Of Fame piece. There isn't much if anything at all that I can pick up that I didn't like about this piece.
Nominating it for Hall of Fame
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
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