Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Rules and Regulations
Please note the due times in the rules. Be on time, and as always, good luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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Last edited by Euphoric; July 7th, 2011 at 12:44 AM
Artificial Intelligence
Y. Mors.
sure
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Checkers
ext
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Fine with me. Till tomorrow then.
Artificial Intelligence
Y. Mors.
http://i54.tinypic.com/2wcfl1u.png
I see these flowing
—Bright confetti pieces riding—
On the sea breeze blowing,
Over dark, beckoning clashes on the water’s edge,
Reckoning crashes, angrily hitting the sandy ledge.
Past somber stars staring silently down at the world,
The wind blew—bringing me the faintest echoes of a girl.
A sweet giggling sound, hidden within the colorful paper,
Which—contrasting to the night—brought, with arduous labor,
Entire visions of garish complexions,
That highlighted apparent connections,
Concocted with social means within festive scenes,
Between illusionary crowds that didn’t dare to dream.
She stood apart from them all; she didn’t belong there,
Her endearing eyes, luscious lips, and graceful long hair
Brought euphoria to situational gloom
—Embracing the room, while facing the tune—
The melodious sound of frowns, transforming to smiles;
She captivated hearts, locking them down for a while.
I could almost hear her.
“There’s going to be a huge party tonight and we’re invited! It’s on a rented yacht and everyone who’s anyone is going to be there. We can’t miss it; imagine all the effort they put into it! We have to be there.”
Her vocal box orchestrated symphonies,
Persuasive notes composing great litanies,
Full of reasons that were beseeching me
To escort the maestro and her sympathy,
Onto sea—a great odyssey—for the sake of dignity;
But I was never the social type, so I happened to disagree
They’re all same:
—Been to one jubilee, you’ve been to them all—
Stuffy rooms full of masked faces and false names,
With gilded tongues and stalled shame
Incited by sweet liquid, served with hearty pretension
Combining together to swiftly spark the intention
—Of just not giving a damn—
"We interrupt your regular programming to bring news of a tragedy. A sudden storm struck tonight and caught a local boat by surprise. Our thoughts go out to the friends and family of...
The grey crowd swallowed her, as grey clouds swallowed the sky,
Her liveliness faded—just in time for Mother Nature’s harrowing try
To end the festivities; ominous clouds urging to cease
The intoxicated practice of disturbing the peace.
But they were far too drunk, too busy being "alive"
To care about danger--they're safe no matter what happens to arrive.
So Nature focused the storm's eye, and with just one bat of it's lash,
The boat, with all its pretentions, was sent on its way to a crash.
I lost her.
Now standing beneath the moon's doleful light,
I simply stare out at the soulful night;
(Woefully) At the soulless sea, which stole from me,
The inspiration of my poetry, the key to set me free;
It stole from me a whole future,
--that I could've one day grown to see.
I see these flowing
Bright confetti pieces (riding)
On the sea breeze blowing.
Torturous remnants of a travesty.
http://i55.tinypic.com/291hx0i.png
R.I.P.
Last edited by Euphoric; July 6th, 2011 at 02:21 AM
Artificial Intelligence
Y. Mors.
Well sleep has me semi-conscious right now; so I'll post links later. gl oats.
Artificial Intelligence
Y. Mors.
yo I know this is super late, so you can DQ me if you want, but I couldn't keep myself awake last night and just woke up and finished this. My apologies
http://i54.tinypic.com/2wcfl1u.png
amidst an eery mist stands a man on the shore
gripped with weariness from plans he canceled before
like the gifts his fear eclipsed, romantic chances ignored
a sickness dearly missed - he danced with cancerous lore
his skin is withered thin, riddled in callouses, sores
pain imprisoned in his scars - a physical palace of sorts
he was lost, so he re-tracked his movements back to the source
and passionately asked the moon to map him a course...
"I know, it's weird talking to someone who doesn't talk back
but I feel like lately my life's been running off track.
my friends are gone, my wife's a yawn, plus my fuckin job's wack
and every morning I wake up, my spine cuts a muffled 'throb crack.'
-I think that's what you call that-
anyway, it seems the best of my days have long passed
each memory a melody, and I'm destined to play this song last
I work my hand to the bone just to stay above the tall grass
and once I get some breathing room there's always something to make me fall back.
I could have been great, you know, I could have been the best
but with a family to support I had to put the dreams to rest.
Still I should be a King! I wouldn't even need the money
I would use it all to right the wrongs, at least to feed the hungry!
This must sound insignificant to the Shepherd of the Night
what are my complaints to the Progenitor of Tides?
What have I done to justify these strong demands?
I mean, you puppeted the oceans that pushed life onto land.
It's you who moves the currents that adjust the season's stare
and all that you accomplish, you do just by being there..."
dangled in the sky sits the man in the moon
dancing to the rhymes woven in gravity's tune
skin covered in craters - he has callouses, too
scars serving as reminders of his past of abuse
he related to the man on the shore - he too doubted his actual use
but the worthlessness he heard he thought was vastly untrue...
"You humans are confusing; these insecurities are killing me.
You're too boggled by obstacles to see the utter greatness of your ability.
Pause and reflect on the beauty of having social interaction
and the wherewithal to weather your emotional attachments.
I'm ruled by a tyrant, wandering roads that I'm forced with
stuck in this lonely assortment, rolled in the lowliest orbit.
I guess I understand the pain from what's mistaken for love
but that's nothing to the beauty that it's capable of
so it's hard for me to hear you out degrading your worth;
I've been here alone since I separated from Earth
plus, you're able to work! look at your remarkable achievements!
the feats of your ingenuity and artistry you sleep in
I'm a puppet of the cosmos who can't avoid his frustrations
but you know what it's like to be God; you have the joy of creation..."
we seem like blips of dust under the space and time we've inspected
but don't mistake our greatness - just realign your perspective
often we can't be bothered to see beyond our weaknesses
cuz we're so busy looking up that we forget to see within
so hold your flaws close, share them with loved ones beside you
-whether you're the man on the moon or the man on the shore,
let your inspiration guide you
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
Euphoric - Cool drop. I felt some of your rhyming was way too weak though, it's not a poetry league. I thought the vocab was very complex, you used a lot of interesting words, which is good and bad.. I kinda made it hard to follow the story, but you also get daps for using trippy words. I'd say try add better rhyme schemes to your verses to improve your flow, and combine that with your vocab and you'll be set. Topic was good, rather original and you seemed to pull it off well without going off subject.
Though this was the best part.The grey crowd swallowed her, as grey clouds swallowed the sky,
Her liveliness faded—just in time for Mother Nature’s harrowing try
To end the festivities; ominous clouds urging to cease
The intoxicated practice of disturbing the peace.
But they were far too drunk, too busy being "alive"
To care about danger--they're safe no matter what happens to arrive.
So Nature focused the storm's eye, and with just one bat of it's lash,
The boat, with all its pretentions, was sent on its way to a crash.
I lost her.
Oat- Pretty good rhyming/multies & flow.. I thought the concept was original too, how you kinda portrayed the benefits of being human. I felt you had a few forced lines..
wasn't really feeling this tbhand every morning I wake up, my spine cuts a muffled 'throb crack.'
-I think that's what you call that-
I thought this was good though, really brought the verse together and set you up to finish the verse well..I guess I understand the pain from what's mistaken for love
but that's nothing to the beauty that it's capable of
so it's hard for me to hear you out degrading your worth;
I've been here alone since I separated from Earth
plus, you're able to work! look at your remarkable achievements!
the feats of your ingenuity and artistry you sleep in
I'm a puppet of the cosmos who can't avoid his frustrations
but you know what it's like to be God; you have the joy of creation..."
Overall - Pretty close here Euphoric was pretty good for the most part, as was oats.. & I feel both had equally impressive concepts, however I'm always looking for dope rhyme schemes and multies to carry a dope concept, it's the icing on the cake for me.. so with that said I got Oat winning this
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Euphoric - I did this picture as my topic as well and I've also seen a lot of people use it and I gotta say...you definitely provided something fresh to the topic. This was a great piece overall. I felt you could have stepped up a notch with the rhyme scheme, there weren't really that much internals or multis; although I didn't get bored from it, I think it would have made your piece quite more smooth and effective. But that's just my personal opinion. Overall, a good drop man.
Oat - Damn, that was good. Once again, like I said with Euphoric, I've seen a lot of people use this but you provided a fresh concept to the topic and a nice approach. A pretty emotional piece with some nice imagery and metaphor throughout. You had a good rhyme scheme and flow and the vocab was good as well. I think you executed the whole piece almost to perfection though, good stuff here.
Both came real nice with their pieces, they both seemed to have left this to the last minute and rushed it a bit but it surely didn't seem like it. Both had creative approaches to the same picture, but I gotta say oatmeal had a better rhyme scheme and execution of concept and that's what thought edged this one for him.
v/ Oatmeal
Oatmeal wins (5-2)
Euphoric loses (3-3)
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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