Peoples' Republic

[Soul Slayer]

Seeds simmer and bloom
in the confines of self.
Lyra constellations allure cognition
quinching ladybird vanity
with insightful disclosure.
Excitement;
purple butterflies
incised in his underbelly
by spider lips.

A second bite at the apple
reveals teal eyes;
embodiments of envy
captured in acrylic paint
seeping beneath the surface
of his canvas bosom.

The future is today.
A figment of my lucid imagination
dissolving like sand
through hourglass hands.
Somnific voices resonate
from the fire water
lubricating liquid tongues.

Fantasy is enigma
& reality is an illusion.
My question is....
Can the two co-exist
from a panoramic view?

Welcome to
Peoples' Republic
.... the mind
~The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination~ Albert Einstein

[Spoken Deity]

I loved the last few stanzas. In-fact, I thought they were great. I thought the images were rich, deep, original, and incited a lot of emotions. I thought the stanzas that came before the final 2-3 were a little odd. Pieces of imagery made no sense to me.

A second bite at the apple
reveals teal eyes;
embodiments of envy
captured in acrylic paint
seeping beneath the surface
of his canvas bosom.

Like this stanza makes no fucking sense to me, lol. If it were explained, I'd probably catch on to the entire picture. That said, I enjoyed everything after, lol.

Short pieces like this are great times for internal rhyme, alliteration, and assonance. Keep working with various devices for these smaller ones, really makes them come alive.

That said, I may nom this. Not 100% yet, though.

[Soul Slayer]

Thanks for the feedback brother... - Appreciated.
I'll hit some of your pieces as well.

[Soul Slayer]

uppin

[Soul Slayer]

FEED AND leave links

[Jon]

The last line summed this up. Imagination.

This was a decent, above average abstract poem. It could have been a lot better.. there were places where I was iffy, the grammar and/or word choice was a little off in places and it didn't make sense.. And sometimes your vocab set you up for confusion I think.. It's hard for me to explain.. I have to go to work. I promise I will try to get to a few more of your works.. but never ever, ever post just a link in a poem.. bully.

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...732/index.html

[Jon]

Stupid RB doublepost.

[ItoldUIwasFat]

i definitively likes this. so easy to read very fluid with your word choices my man. thought your first stanza was really cool specially the break at excitement...thought that was a nice touch to flow of the that stanza. though the second jumps a little bit its was still there with the rest of your piece didnt waver to much to hurt the fluidity of this. this was my fav stanza..

The future is today.
A figment of my lucid imagination
dissolving like sand
through hourglass hands.
Somnific voices resonate
from the fire water
lubricating liquid tongues.

liquid tongue was great real ddept and lots of imagery with that last line. the beginning is what gets me, i liked lucid imagination, it really set the mood real well. Great piece man i enjoyed reading this

[Spoken]

This was great soul honestly one of my favorite drops from you cause the language used in this was awesome and diction was deep although a short poem but held slot within and exposed the talent within such shortness man. I really can say much more to this soul that hasn't already been said honestly. All you need to know is that this deserves a nom and if this ain't by spoken deity then ima nom it homie cause it's well deserved.

[Soul Slayer]

thanks' sire, I was about to send out a search party to allocate some feedback from RBs' veterans. Looks like you got to this on time

[Soule]

Kinda agree with Spoken Deity's post. Even though me being the more abstract writer. I strangely understood the stanza that he didn't. That teal eyes line was a nice reflection off the picture imo. The wording in this piece was possibly the best I've ever seen in your writing unless I'm just not reading enough of it lol -- some really beautiful language and descriptions. I honestly have no complaints, nom'd.

[Soul Slayer]

Appreciated y'all

Now to get to some of your work gentlemen

[Soule]

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=455575

[Token]

Soul good job man. This was definitely the best I've read from you. It started off pretty cool, but picked up quickly and turned out great. The ending was a great tie in. You went pretty deep, so there was like one stanza I didn't FULLY understand, but it still read smoothly with good word usage. Overall a great drop. Sorry about the late feedback.

[Manik Sona]

Flowed nicely. Understood the teal eyes section.